


Shared Burden

by apolesen



Series: Complications [4]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Aftermath of Bajoran Occupation, Alien Culture, Alien Mythology/Religion, Attempting to fix bad science in canon, Bajoran Culture, Episode: s04e25 Body Parts, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Infidelity, Injury Recovery, Medical Examination, Molly O'Brien's cuddly toys, Polyamory, Post-Episode: s04e25 Body Parts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, This is in the shap eof references to the episode Hard Time, reference to suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-05 22:16:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 54,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20496206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolesen/pseuds/apolesen
Summary: After Keiko is injured, her unborn child is transferred to Major Kira to finish its gestation. The O’Briens invite Kira to stay with them while she is pregnant with their child, but she and Keiko share more than one burden. The attraction that existed previously now blooms to something far more serious and complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been in the works for a long time. I would like to thank illogicalbroccoli for betaing, and afteriwake for making an accompanying banner and wallpaper. My friend Dr C has helped with medical questions and A has answered polyamory questions. ConceptaDecency gave me permission to use their idea for Federation Friends. Thank you everyone!

She woke like she had every morning since the accident - gasping and terrified. Frantically, she felt the sheets under her, fully expecting to find them wet with blood. There was nothing other than the heat from her body. Keiko inhaled, deep enough that pain shot through her body and made her exhale fast. She fought the instinct to breathe in again too soon. Hyperventilation would make the pain worse.

‘Keiko?’

Miles had stepped into the bedroom. When he saw her, he rounded the bed quickly.

‘Hey, it’s okay.’ Carefully, he put his arms around her. ‘You’re safe.’

Keiko sank against his chest. The dream was fading. In its stead rose a feeling of powerlessness. Her next inhalation became a sob. Miles pulled her closer, ever gentle.

‘It’s alright, darling,’ he said. ‘It’s all going to be alright.’

‘What’s the time?’ she whispered.

‘Seven-thirty.’

She leaned heavier against him. Still some time until he had to be on duty, then. She wished he would hug her harder, but even this was painful. The pain of the bruises down her side, caused by the impact with the runabout bulkhead, throbbed dully without interruption. The surgical incisions was different and unpredictable. If she sat still, she could almost ignore it, but then she would move minutely – only flexing her arm or turning a little – and the sharp pain would cut through her. It coursed through her now, making her bite her lip to keep the sob from becoming louder.

‘Mummy?’

Keiko and Miles pulled apart and looked towards the doorway. Molly was standing there, still in her pyjamas and with Lupi the Bajoran doll under her arm. Keiko wiped her tears quickly, but it was too late to hide them.

‘Why are you sad, mummy?’

‘Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart,’ Miles said quickly, not taking his hand off Keiko’s back. ‘Mummy just had a bad dream. How about you go and pick out which dress you want to wear today and I’ll be there soon, okay?’

Molly watched them for a moment, her eyes somehow older than her face.

‘Okay,’ she said finally and left. Keiko felt how Miles relaxed, becoming less of a shield and more of a support. She leaned against him, pressing her face against his chest. The fabric of his uniform was wet with her tears. Miles kissed her head and pulled her into a hug. They sat for a while like that. Then Miles drew back to look at her.

‘Can I make it better somehow?’ he asked. ‘Can I do or say anything…?’

_Turn back time,_ Keiko thought. _Give me my baby back. _

‘No,’ she said, sitting on her own. ‘But thank you.’

Miles smiled.

‘I’ll just go check on Molly.’ He puffed up her pillows for her and kissed her brow. ‘Be back in a sec.’

Keiko smiled in reply. When he was out of the door, she leaned against the pillows. She tried to sit as still as possible. Even leaning her head against the wall behind the bed made it ache. When she finally thought she had found a way of sitting that was not painful, a cramp surprised her, strong enough that she jerked forward, setting off the pain in her torso again. She closed her eyes, riding out the cramping sensation in the pit of her stomach. _It’s not what it feels like,_ she reminded herself. She hadn’t miscarried. She had just lost the baby. It was fine, but so far away that it felt like it might as well be gone…

No, reason never worked on those kinds of thoughts. All she could do was to try to stop them when they started. She started making a mental list of things she could feel (the sheets against her bare feet, the heat where she had slept, the fabric of her nightgown), see (the altar shelf, Miles’ bedside table stacked high with books, Molly’s building-blocks on the living room floor), smell (tea, porridge, a faint scent of detergent) and hear. Miles’ voice, even when he spoke quietly and gently, carried into the bedroom.

‘Sometimes when scary things happen, we have bad dreams afterwards. That can be scary, but it’s not dangerous. Mummy’s going to be okay.’

‘But she got hurt.’

‘She did, but she’s getting better. All we can do is be extra kind to her. In fact, why don’t you draw something for her?’

Keiko sank further down. A mixture of exhaustion, love and grief weighed down on her. It all felt unfair, that Molly needed to be told these things.

The sound of footsteps brought her back to herself. Miles had entered holding the box from the bathroom cupboard. He smiled apologetically.

‘That time of the morning, I’m afraid.’

She pushed herself up a little.

‘Thank you.’

She placed her index-finger against the reader on the box, and the lock snapped open. Her duty done, she found a more comfortable position. Through half-open eyes, she watched as Miles got out the PADD with instructions and started preparing the hyposprays.

‘Ready?’

She nodded and turned her head to let him administer the medications. He was sorting out the fourth hypo when Keiko turned her head to look at him.

‘I’m getting a get-well card?’

Miles looked confused for a moment. Then he put together what he she said and what he had told Molly.

‘Yes,’ he said ‘I thought it’d keep her busy for a while.’

‘It was a good idea.’ She hesitated to give voice to her next thought. ‘Do you think we’re handling this right?’

Miles let his hands fall with a sigh.

‘I have no idea,’ he admitted. ‘We’ve been honest. We’re not telling her any scary details. We’re listening to her. I don’t know what else we can do.’

‘I don’t know,’ Keiko said. ‘I just worry it’s not enough.’

‘Oh, same.’

‘Do you think it’d be a good idea to ask one of the counsellors to have a chat with her? Perhaps that would give us some idea of what we could do to help, if she is finding it hard.’

‘It’s not a bad idea,’ Miles said.

‘Perhaps you could ask Julian about it?’

‘That might be a good idea,’ he said, looking pensive for a moment. ‘I’ll bring it up.’

She pressed his arm.

‘Thanks.’

He smiled, though not without sadness. He turned back to the medicine case, checked the PADD and took up the final hypo. She turned her head again. Moments after the compound was forced into her bloodstream, she felt the pain lessen. She exhaled in relief and sat up properly.

‘Better?’ Miles asked, glancing up as he put everything back into the box.

‘Much.’ She pressed her finger to the reader again, locking it. Instead of putting it back at once, Miles put it on the foot of the bed. He took Keiko’s hand between both of his. Neither of them spoke. She doubted that he was thinking the same as her. The thought of Major Kira had been at the back of his head ever since she had regained consciousness. She could not escape it. It changed constantly from the absurd to the funny to the disquieting. There was no way to rationalise this, no advisory booklets to read or common wisdom to apply. Someone else was carrying the child that had been conceived inside her. The membranes, the placenta, the amniotic sac, all of it placed into Kira’s womb. All Keiko was left with was her shedding endometrium and the bleeding that set her into a split-second panic every time she saw it.

She put her hand over Miles’. She was thinking of speaking when she caught sight of movement in the doorway. A small figure dodged aside, out of sight.

‘Molly, honey?’ she called out. Molly peeked round the corner. ‘Do you want to come in?’

Molly entered, walking like she was trying not to make a sound. She climbed onto the bed, still holding her cuddly targ under her arm.

‘I thought you were drawing, sweetie?’ Miles said.

‘I’ll finish later.’ Molly sat down, legs crossed, and took her targ in both hands. ‘I brought Piggy to keep you company.’

Keiko’s first impulse was to laugh, but she did not want Molly to think she was not taking her seriously. She knew just how much Molly loved Piggy, given to her by Worf for her first birthday, and the gesture of bringing him with her was touching.

‘Thank you, Molly,’ Keiko said. She took Piggy and, leaning closer, kissed Molly on the brow. When her mother released her, she smiled.

‘I’m going to go back to my drawing now.’

‘You do that,’ Miles said, smiling. Molly climbed down from the bed again and left. Keiko put Piggy in her lap and gave him a pat. She could feel Miles watching her.

‘Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?’ he asked. ‘I can stay at home…’

Keiko shook her head.

‘No, it’s alright. We’ll be fine.’

He smiled, but he did not really look like he believed her.

‘Will you help me into the shower before you go?’ Keiko asked.

‘Of course. Now?’

‘No need to put it off.’

She put Piggy aside and slowly, she pushed herself to the edge of the bed. Miles put one arm around her waist and took her elbow in his free hand.

‘Okay?’

She nodded.

‘Anchors away!’

He supported her as she stood up. Once she was on her feet, he waited, letting her find her balance. Then commenced the slow, arduous walk from the bed to the shower. It was not much more than five metres. By the time they reached the bathroom, Keiko’s body ached worse than before. Miles helped her undress. He knew how much to let her do herself so that she did not feel infantilised, but also what she needed help with, even when she did not ask. Now he did not fill the silence with encouraging trivialities. She could not express how grateful she was for that. It was one thing when she was dressed, quite another when she was struggling to get her own clothes off. In the bedroom, the hypos were the only real reminder of what had happened. Here, it was impossible to get away from it. From the plastic chair in the shower to the fresh scars on full display, there was no avoiding it.

She held onto Miles’ arm as she limped into the shower. Once she had sat down, she said:

‘I’ll be okay from here.’

‘You sure?’ Miles asked, frowning a little. She smiled.

‘Yes. I’ll give you a shout if there’s something.’

He smiled back, although he did not look convinced.

‘Okay. Just be careful when you get up.’

She gave him a playful push.

‘Go,’ she said fondly.

He looked like he was about to say something more, but then just smiled and said:

‘Okay.’ He left, leaving the door unlocked. Keiko reached up and activated the shower. She turned her face up against the water. It ran down her body, stinging her wounds but also numbing the pain. She sat with her eyes closed, lost in the heat. For a moment, everything stopped. The aching disappeared and the wheels of her mind ceased grinding. She was somewhere else, where none of this had happened. She wished she could stay like that all morning, letting the water wash over her and take her pain and fear with it.

But even that moment of quiet did not last. Her back started aching and the wounds began to itch. When she shifted, she felt the blood on the insides of her thighs. She turned her face away from the shower-head and opened her eyes.

Keiko had not liked her body much in the past few months. It had constantly found ways to make her uncomfortable, with morning-sickness and back-aches and the constant need to pee. Even when she had felt fine, her body had been all others had seen. Even Miles had sometimes seemed to forget everything but her pregnancy. The one thing she had not minded was the way her body had looked. She did not quite recognise it as her own, but she enjoyed how her stomach sloped into the bump and the dark line that ran down from her navel, as if Nature had drawn a finger over her womb.

Her body now felt like a parody of what it had been. Her right side and hip were covered in bruises. The skin of her belly that had stretched now sagged. The two incisions on her torso had been treated with auto-suture and dermal regenerators and no longer needed stitches, but although they were closed, they were not yet scars. She knew that if it weren’t for them, both she and her child would be dead, but in the harsh light of the bathroom, she thought they looked like an inverted post-mortem incision. The first started at her sternum and went almost to the pubic bone, only just avoiding her navel but blotting out the darker line under it. The second ran horizontally across her lower stomach, from iliac crest to iliac crest. Beyond both were other wounds and tears and cuts, from the accident or the aftermath. Julian had told her that she would make a full recovery, and she would start feeling much better within a few days. Right now, staring at the places where she had been cut open and sewn up, she found that hard to believe.

With effort, she looked away. If she stayed in the shower much longer, Miles would come to check she was okay, and they might receive a complaint about the water usage. Keiko washed herself without looking. Getting out of the shower was not easy, but now that the medications had had time to start working and she had eased some of the pain with heat, she felt a little better. She put her dressing-gown on and stepped outside into the hallway leading from the bedroom to the living-room. She heard voices from there – Miles chatting to Molly about her drawing. She thought of saying something, but then thought better of it. Keeping one hand against the wall, she went into the bedroom.

The bed had been made. At the foot of it, some of Keiko’s clothes had been neatly laid out. She sat down beside them and touched the green wool skirt. It was her favourite, and the red shirt that Miles had put out for her was a particularly comfortable one. She smiled to herself. Then, slowly, she started dressing. Pants, socks and skirt she managed to put on herself, but she was still struggling to hook her bra together when Miles stepped in.

‘Want a hand?’

She sighed and let go of the bra.

‘Yes, please.’

Miles sat down beside her as she slipped her arms through the shoulder-straps. When he took the ends with the hooks and eyes to close it, she inhaled sharply. The pressure on her bruises was excruciating. Miles loosened his grip.

‘No one would mind if you just didn’t wear this, if it’s uncomfortable.’

‘I need to. My breasts are so sore, I’ll be in agony if I don’t.’

Miles nodded. This time, she bit her lip when the bra touched her bruises, and he ignored her flinch. He helped her put on the top without her having to ask. When he sat down beside her, she took hold of his arm and leaned her head against his shoulder. He kissed the crown of her head.

‘I can still stay, if you want me around.’

She shook her head, only enough that he would feel it. Sudden movements still hurt.

‘We’ll be okay.’

They sat in silence for a while. Keiko thought of speaking several times, but cut herself off. Finally, she spoke.

‘Miles?’

‘Yeah?’

‘When you see Major Kira, can you…’ She cut herself off. Could he what? She had thought it would be an easy thing to ask, but now she realised she had not known quite what she wanted to say. ‘…say hello from me?’

Miles pulled his arm out of her grip and put it around her shoulders. He hugged her gently, but with much love.

‘Of course.’ He pulled back and looked at her. ‘Let’s fix you some breakfast before I go, eh?’

She smiled. However tired and sad she felt, she was rather hungry.

Despite what he had said, he stayed until after she had finished breakfast. He helped her move to the couch, made sure she had a glass of water and something to read and that her crutch was within reach. Eventually he asked:

‘Are you sure you’ll be okay?’

Keiko nodded. At this point, it felt almost silly that he was still asking.

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘If there’s anything, just let me know.’

She smiled.

‘Thanks. Now go.’

He gave her a peck on the lips, said goodbye to Molly and left. Keiko sank back, relaxing a little more. Miles’ fretting came from a place of love, but it could be tiring. She should tell Molly to start her school-work for the day, but she did not even want to do that. She sat there, feeling almost content. After a while, Molly stood up from her building blocks where she had been playing with Lupi.

‘You remember to clear them up from the floor, sweetheart?’

‘Yes.’ Molly got the box out and gently placed the blocks into it. When she had put it away, she came to join her mother on the couch. ‘Can we watch _Federation Friends_?’

‘You need to do some school-work, you know,’ Molly said. ‘You have some math modules left from last week.’

‘Pleeeease,’ Molly said. ‘Just one.’

Keiko stroked her hair.

‘Okay. Just one.’

Molly grinned and sat down properly.

‘Computer,’ Keiko said, ‘enable screen.’

‘_Enabling._’ A shimmer went through the air, and a holographic outline appeared.

‘What episode would you like to see?’ Keiko asked. Molly stopped playing with Lupi for a moment and thought.

‘You decide.’

Keiko could not tell if that was genuine, or a way of getting out of making a decision.

‘How about the one about extinct megafauna?’

Molly shone up.

‘Yes!’

‘Okay.’ It was easy to find the episode – it was one of the ones they watched the most. The opening song started and Molly sang along. Her concern from before was gone, and in its place was the wide-eyed excitement of seeing her favourite program. It was a relief – perhaps she would not be marked by this after all. But it was hard to tell from one moment. There had been so much – here and on the _Enterprise_, things in the periphery of their lives and things close to home. Two years ago, Keiko had had to sit Molly down and tell her Miles was dead. It had turned out that he was not, and when he had come home after the symptoms of the Harvester weapons had been treated, Molly had seemed excited to see him. Perhaps she had never really understood that for a while, it seemed clear he would never come home. Keiko was not sure she remembered that now. She had been so young. But in another two years, would she for instance remember the time Miles had flown into a rage so bad Keiko had thought he would hit her? Would she remember it when she grew up? Might it not change her somehow?

But for now, she was smiling widely as she watched the puppets on the holoscreen talking about extinct animals on their various planets.

‘_Was there any megafauna on Andor, Shoor?_’ one of the puppets asked.

‘_Yes. This is the _ro’sh’a. _It lived about 200 million years ago and was a mammal. A mammal is an animal that suckles its young._’

‘_Vulcans are mammals._’

‘_So are humans._’

‘_And Tellarites!_’

‘_But not Andorians. Many mammals give birth to live young, but some don’t, like the Therbians, who lay eggs._’

‘_Was there any megafauna on Tellar?_’

‘_There was, and there still is. On most other worlds, megafauna died out because the climate changed. On Tellar it has been the same for millions of years. The biggest on Tellar is the_ kloss, _which is forty standard metres high._’

‘That’s so big!’ Molly said, as she always said.

‘It is,’ Keiko agreed. She put her arm around Molly, who settled carefully against her.

‘Was there megafauna on Bajor, mummy?’ Molly asked.

‘Yes, but I don’t know very much about it.’

‘Can we found out?’

‘In a little bit.’ She stroked her daughter’s hair. She moved a little closer and rested her head against her side. The puppets were singing a song about how fossils were made now. Molly joined in. She knew every word and every hand-gesture. Keiko half-watched the screen and half-watched her. She was tired, enough that it sat in her bones. She wished she could sleep.

‘Mummy!’

She opened her eyes. She had not quite fallen asleep, just dropped off for a second. She blinked a few times. The screen was back to the menu.

‘Can we watch another episode?’ Mollya sked.

‘We said just one,’ Keiko reminded her. ‘You do some school-work now, and then in the afternoon perhaps we can watch another.’

Molly made a face.

‘Okay.’ She looked at her mother. ‘You spilled something on your shirt.’

‘Oh dear.’ Keiko straightened up and looked down her front. ‘Where?’

Molly pointed.

‘There.’ She got up and crossed to the console they used for the school program, still singing the song about fossils. Keiko pulled at her shirt to find the stain. Her stomach dropped. There was a round wet patch to one side. The thick, white liquid had not quite soaked into the cloth.

Her heart was beating harder. The pain in her ribs grew worse as her breath quickened. With one hand on her crutch and the other on the sofa’s armrest, she pushed herself up. As soon as she was within reach of the desk, she pressed the communication button.

‘Keiko O’Brien to Miles O’Brien.’

There came no answer. Panic swelled inside her. She pressed the button again.

‘Keiko to O’Brien.’

Again, nothing. She told herself there must be some explanation. The third time she pressed the button, she said:

‘Keiko O’Brien to Captain Sisko.’

Almost immediately, Sisko’s deep voice emanated from the console.

‘_Go ahead, Professor._’

She sank into the chair.

‘I’m sorry to bother you, Captain but I’m trying to get hold of Miles…’

‘_He is supervising the update of the ventilation system on one of the reactors,_’ Sisko said. ‘_Communications are patchy right now. Is anything the matter, Professor?_’

‘No,’ Keiko said quickly. ‘Nothing, really. I just needed someone to keep an eye on Molly for a while.’

A pause.

‘_I could ask Jake to come over._’

Keiko was torn between embarrassment and gratitude. The latter won out.

‘Would you?’

‘_Of course. If he’s busy, I’ll find someone else._’

‘Thank you, Captain.’

‘_No problem. Sisko out._’

Keiko sank further down in the chair. She felt grateful enough that she might cry. Perhaps Sisko had sensed her distress, or perhaps it was just the sympathy of another parent who knew the problems of finding a baby-sitter. She leaned back and covered her eyes. Her head was hurting from the quick movements before. When she removed her hand from her face, she saw Molly watching her.

‘Why does someone need to watch me?’ she asked, tilting her head.

‘I need to run a quick errand. I won’t be gone long.’

Molly looked at her with something close to scepticism.

‘Okay. But you shouldn’t run.’

Keiko smiled.

‘I won’t.’

Molly smiled back a little and went back to the console.

The door-bell chimed. Keiko pushed herself to her feet.

‘Come in,’ she called. The door opened, and Jake Sisko stepped in. ‘Oh, Jake. Thank you for coming.’

‘Hi, Mrs O’Brien,’ he said, smiling.

‘Jake!’ Molly jumped from her chair and ran over to him.

‘Hey!’ he said, crouching down and accepting a hug. ‘How are you doing?’

‘I’m okay,’ Molly said. ‘I’m doing maths.’

‘Great. I’ll come help you, okay?’

She nodded and returned to her work. Jake got up and turned to Keiko. When he spoke, he dropped his voice, so Molly would not hear.

‘Is everything okay, Mrs O’Brien?’

‘Yes,’ she said, even if it was not. She could not explain this to him. ‘But I need to go down to the infirmary, so if you could watch Molly for a while…’

‘Of course,’ Jake said. He looked concerned, but did not ask what was the matter. ‘Are you sure you’ll be okay going down on your own?’

‘Yes,’ Keiko said with conviction she did not have. It would be better if someone could walk her there, but she did not want to wait. ‘I’ll be fine. Could you give me that shawl?’

Jake crossed to the sofa and picked up the shawl Keiko had pointed at. Instead of handing it to her, he put it over her shoulders.

‘Thank you,’ she said, pulling it tighter around her. ‘If I’m gone longer than half an hour…’

‘Honestly, it’s okay,’ Jake said. ‘I’m happy to help.’

Keiko smiled, struck by tenderness for her old student.

‘Don’t worry about us,’ he said. ‘We’ll be here.’

‘Thank you,’ she said again, then turned to Molly. ‘Molly, honey, I need to go fix something. You be good, okay?’

Molly nodded. She looked unconcerned. Perhaps she was too young to pick up on the strange feeling in the room.

‘See you, mummy!’

‘Bye.’ Keiko waved to her daughter and turned to the door. When she stepped through the door, Jake had already gone over to Molly.

‘What math problem are you working on?’ he asked. Keiko felt the urge to turn around and look back at them, but the door slid shut behind her, leaving her alone in the corridor.

The walk from the bedroom to the bathroom this morning had felt long. The distance to the turbolift was far longer. She stopped to gather her strength a few times. The incisions hurt with every step and her head was throbbing. When she slipped her hand in under her shawl, the wet patch on her shirt was bigger than before. Even touching it lightly made her breast hurt. She pulled the shawl around her again and continued walking. When she called the turbolift, it came at once. She stepped inside, relieved that she was the only one in there.

‘Promenade,’ she said. The doors closed. The lift moved, down the crossover bridge that connected the habitat ring to the central core. Keiko shifted from one foot to another. The pain was travelling down into her hips now, radiating down her thighs. She wished she could sit down, but all she could do was hold on to the turbolift railing.

With a slight jolt, the movement stopped and the door opened. The bustle of the Promenade felt like a shock after the calm of the quarters. People were going into Quark’s behind her for an early lunch, or passing by to the replimat or the Klingon restaurant. The infirmary was just opposite the turbolift where she had exited. Julian Bashir was standing just outside, deep in conversation with Garak. For a moment, Keiko felt bad. Perhaps they were about to go for lunch, and now she was going to disrupt that.

Just when that thought crossed her mind, Garak glanced up. She could almost feel how he caught sight of her. She had expected him to ignore her, but when his eyes flickered back to Bashir’s face, she could see his lips moving, forming her name. Bashir turned. Quickly he looked back at his friend and touched his arm. Then he spun on his heel and headed towards Keiko. She stopped, letting him come to her instead.

‘What are you doing walking around?’ he asked as soon as he was in earshot. Despite his words, he looked more concerned than annoyed.

‘I came to see you,’ she said. It was like speaking had released something in her. All at once, she was crying. The concerned look on Julian’s face gave way to a compassionate frown.

‘Let’s go sit you down.’ He took her arm gently. She leaned against his grip as they walked into the infirmary. ‘Here we go.’ He steered her to a chair, then sat down facing her. ‘What’s happened, Keiko?’

She took a deep breath.

‘I’m leaking.’ She pulled away the shawl, revealing the milk stains on her shirt. ‘I didn’t even touch them, it just suddenly…’ She sobbed. Julian pressed his lips together in a grimace of sympathy.

‘I understand that this is distressing,’ he said, his voice low and calm, ‘but it’s not dangerous or unexpected. When your body stops producing pregnancy hormones, lactation starts, even if there is no baby yet.’

‘But I was only in the second trimester…’

‘Milk production starts early. If a pregnancy is interrupted – one way or another – at any time after week sixteen, chances are that lactation starts a few days after.’

Keiko’s breathing had slowed a little now, but it still shook. The way he avoided the word “miscarriage” and “loss” felt so pointed, even if he did not pause or stumble over his words. She wondered if he had mentioned that this might happen before. She had no memory of it, but there had been so much she had been told in the past few days that she had not been able to take everything in.

‘Can you do something about it?’ she asked.

‘There are no medicines to stop lactation, but there are things you can do to be more comfortable. The main things are good support and cold compresses. Your body will stop producing milk if you don’t empty your breasts. All you need to do is express the excess milk so you’re comfortable, and, given time, lactation will cease. On the other hand, if you want to breastfeed the baby when he’s born, you can keep the lactation going. The way to do that is pumping. We can set aside a stasis chamber to keep the milk fresh.’

Keiko tried to imagine it – having her baby in her arms, letting him latch onto her breast, watching him as he fed. It felt like a strange, unlikely daydream, so incompatible with the state of her body now that it could not be true. It was like she did not quite believe that her baby was really safe, resting under another woman’s heart.

But it _would_ happen. In five months’ time, she would be a mother of two. She tried to think: would it feel important to breastfeed her son? Nursing Molly had been tiring and uncomfortable at times. Also, she remembered clearly how much she had disliked pumping. In order to nurse her son, she would have to pump for five months before she even got to breastfeed him. But after all she had been through, having that physical connection with her baby might be just what she needed.

She looked up, meeting Julian’s eyes.

‘I don’t know,’ she said. A soft look bordering on a smile passed over his face.

‘You don’t have to decide anything right now. Take all the time you need. We’ll set up an appointment with Nurse Tagara for you later today, and she can go over some things with you.’

‘Okay.’

‘We can arrange for her to come to your quarters,’ he said. ‘Save you the trip.’

She tried to think it through. It would be a relief not to have to go down to the infirmary again, but she did not want Molly around when the nurse was talking her through how to express milk. Sensing her uncertainty, Julian said:

‘We can fix that later.’ He reached for a tricorder. ‘I’d like to do a quick scan while you’re here. Is that okay?’

Keiko nodded. He trained the scanner on her, moving it up and down her body while he watched the readouts. It lasted less than half a minute. Then he closed the tricorder and put it aside.

‘You’ve been through a lot recently, Keiko. You need to rest. What you should do right now is go home and go to bed.’

‘Someone needs to keep an eye on Molly…’

‘Yes, but _you_ need to rest,’ he said. ‘For your own sake and Molly’s.’

She slumped.

‘Okay.’

‘Perhaps you should lie down for a bit before you go…’

‘No,’ Keiko said. ‘I… I think I just want to go home.’

Julian looked at her for a long moment.

‘Okay. Someone should go with you, to make sure you get home alright.’

‘No, I’ll be fine.’ She did not want to arrive home with a nurse in tow.

‘I think it is better to be on the safe side,’ he said. ‘How about I call Miles, and he can walk you?’

‘Alright,’ she said. ‘Do I have to wait here?’ The infirmary felt oppressive.

‘Would it feel better to sit outside?’

She nodded. Julian held onto her elbow as he led her out onto the promenade. He did not let go until she had sat down on the bench outside the infirmary doors.

‘You don’t have to stay,’ she said. ‘I’ll stay here until Miles comes.’

Julian looked reluctant, but said:

‘Alright. If there’s anything, just get in touch.’

She nodded.

‘I will. Thank you.’

He smiled and turned. As he headed back to the infirmary, she could see him tapping his comm-badge.

Keiko sank back against the backrest. She felt wrung out. However uncomfortable she felt, with the pain in her side and the heaviness of her breasts, the yearning for what was missing was worse. She did not want to cry again. Instead, she took a deep breath and looked at the passers-by. Some people-watching might help her mood.

A Bolian and a Denobulan were having a heated conversation in the middle of the promenade. A Kelpien merchant passed, pulling a trolly with her wares. On the second level of Quark’s, Garak was having lunch on his own, immersed in reading. The _dabo_ wheel was turning even at this early hour. At the bar, she could just about make out Morn. A group of Bajoran monks dodged some playing children and headed for the shrine. Keiko traced their path with her eyes. Kira Nerys stepped onto the shrine’s front-steps.

The rest of the promenade might as well have stopped existing. The only person she could truly see was the woman in the red uniform. Keiko watched as Kira stood for a moment, enjoying the liveliness of the promenade after the calm of the shrine. Although she had seen her before since the accident, Keiko was surprised at how different she looked. She had switched from the one-piece uniform to one with a looser tunic. Her posture seemed different, although Keiko could not say how. Her protruding belly might have changed the way she carried herself. For a moment, Kira put her hand on it, smoothing the tunic over the bump. Did she smile a little more broadly? Keiko watched her, willing Kira to look at her. If she spotted her, came over to talk to her…

A call from the other direction interrupted her thoughts.

‘Keiko!’

She turned to see Miles running towards her. He stopped abruptly, threw himself down onto the bench beside her and took her hands.

‘Are you alright?’

‘Miles, it’s fine,’ she said with calm she had not had a minute ago. ‘It’s nothing bad. I’ve just started lactating. It took me by surprise, that’s all.’

Miles deflated, sighing with relief.

‘Thank God.’ He pulled himself up. ‘We should get you home.’ He adjusted his grip of her and helped her to her feet. As he led her to the turbolift, Keiko looked over her shoulder at the shrine. She only just caught sight of Kira disappearing into the crowd of the promenade.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue in this chapter is borrowed from the episode "Body Parts".

Keiko spent most of the day in bed. She had overestimated her strength when walking to the promenade herself. After Miles had helped her back home, he had taken Molly to the Fredriksons. The quarters were strangely quiet around her. She lay listening to the silence. It felt odd with her not there, like the loss of one child had spread to the other. Stuck between sleeping and waking, she imagined that Molly too had been taken from her, given to someone else to raise. She sank into sleep, away from her fantasies. When she woke up, she realised with relief that she had no memory of dreaming. 

It was late afternoon when Miles came home. He helped her into the living-room, all smiles and encouraging jokes. She was grateful, but soon, the melancholy came back. She hesitated, wanting to speak but not quite daring. Finally, she asked: 

‘Did you see Major Kira today?’ 

‘Yeah. I saw her in Ops.’ 

Keiko bit her lip. She thought of seeing her on the steps to the shrine. Had she glowed like that in Ops? Had Miles noticed the new way she carried herself? She wondered if she could explain how she had felt when she had seen her today. Although the child was both her and Miles’ offspring, it felt like it was a part of her specifically that had gone with it. 

‘I was thinking of inviting her to dinner,’ she said. 

‘Good idea,’ Miles said. ‘Maybe she could come by every evening.’ 

His tone was soft, but Keiko felt like she had been found out. She hung her head. 

‘Even if she came every evening, it wouldn’t be enough,’ she said. ‘I know I’m being selfish. I should be grateful that my baby’s alive and well, but I shouldn’t have to make appointments to be with my own child.’ She looked up at her husband. ‘Miles, what are we going to do?’ 

He sighed. 

‘I don’t know,’ he said. 

That question and answer echoed in her mind all through the night. She felt a hole inside herself, crying out for what it had once held. When she fell asleep, she dreamed that she was walking down the promenade. She turned around and saw a trail of blood stretching behind her. Her knees buckled. Just as she fell, a pair of strong arms caught her. They held her close. She melted into the embrace. 

Keiko opened her eyes. Miles was snoring softly beside her. Moving slowly, she pushed herself up a little. The feeling of guilt was settling in her. It had not been Miles’ broad chest she had been pressed against in that dream. She had felt the muscles of her arms, her breasts pressed against her back, that soft skin that could only be Bajoran. 

She lay down again. Her thoughts had wandered to Torad V. That last day, they had sat together and their eyes had met. Before Keiko had had time to react, Kira had kissed her. Thinking about it made her heart jump. She touched her own lips. Right there, the kiss had landed. Keiko could blame Kira for the first, but it was Keiko herself who had kissed her the second time. Why had she done it? There were so many reasons. After Kira had kissed her clumsily and not entirely on purpose, there had been a look of panic in her eyes. Keiko had wanted to assure her that she was not offended or shocked. It was not a big deal – just a kiss. But she could have just said those things. It did not mean that she had to kiss her back. 

She had always admired Major Kira. They may have disagreed on the question of how to teach Bajoran children about the wormhole, but it had not been a source of animosity between them. In fact, Vedek Winn’s dislike for them both had made them more fond of one another. They had never spent much time together, but they had chatted in Quark’s and at Captain Sisko’s dinner-parties. They had always been good conversations that Keiko had found herself thinking back on. She had thought she was beautiful – what fool wouldn’t? – but it had not been more than that. At least, that was what she told herself. But had she not felt a rush of excitement that she had found out that Major Kira would pilot the shuttle to Torad V? Hadn’t she often gravitated towards her at social functions? For every argument, there was a stronger counter-argument.

She didn’t want to feel this way. She looked over at the sleeping shape beside her. Careful not to wake him, she reached out and stroked Miles’ hair. He made a small snorting sound and mumbled something, but did not stir. How could she do this to him? It felt so long ago, but his imprisonment by the Agrathi was only a month in the past. It had left him so vulnerable, like his skin had been stretched too thin and threatened to break. The thought of what he had almost done to himself made her feel all cold. But as soon as Keiko had been injured, he had put aside all his own trauma and concentrated on her. Now, it was he who made sure she took her medication, he who brought her what she needed, he who watched her more closely than usual. She was grateful to all of that. When she asked, he said he was fine, but she could still see the rawness of his emotions when he let his guard down. She feared how he might rationalise this in his own mind – his trauma had only been psychological, while Keiko’s was outlined with bruises and surgical incisions. The events he had suffered through had been a fiction, and nothing like the reality she lived with now. If he said those things out loud, she could refute them, but they remained hunches and could not be addressed.

How could she be so selfish? He spent all his time on her, and she was lying awake thinking about someone else. Her bad conscience gnawed at her. Perhaps she should tell him – but tell him what? What precisely was she guilty of? She had kissed someone else. But that was not all. Had nothing happened on the way back from Torad V, she would have been confused and unsettled, but she was sure it would not feel like this. She would still have her child under her heart, like she was supposed to. Now, her thoughts were not only of the baby that she no longer carried, but of the woman who carried it for her. Major Kira had become part of her, and part of hers and Miles’ relationship, but he did not know the feelings that beset Keiko whenever she thought of her. Miles thought that their surrogate was his superior officer and his friend. He did not know that the day before she had come to bear his child, his wife had kissed her, knowing full well what she was doing. He did not know how Keiko’s heart had been in her throat when Kira had taken her hand and put it on her belly. He did not know that she could name that feeling, but she did not dare. 

And he could never know. She had to see to that. Like one would fumble for something in the dark, she approached the worst thought. What would she do if he found out – from her or through some other means – and he hurt himself? On his request, she had locked up all medications and everything sharp. He had even asked Julian to revoke his authorisation to access weapons. He had said that it was just a precaution, and done to put his mind at ease more than anything, but she was still frightened. She wished she could put this feeling away and ignore it, but it throbbed like her bruises and wounds. If she confessed to him what she was feeling, it could give him the idea that she did not love him anymore, or that she did not want him around…

Keiko edged closer and, putting her arm around him, kissed the nape of his neck. He groaned and rolled onto his back. Squinting through the darkness, he looked at her. 

‘Anything wrong?’ he murmured. 

‘No,’ Keiko whispered and rested her head against his shoulder. ‘Go back to sleep.’ 

He kissed her forehead. Almost immediately afterwards, he drifted off again. She lay awake for longer, listening to his deep breathing, feeling guilt eat at her.

***

At breakfast the next morning, Miles was unusually quiet. His brow was furrowed and from time to time, he would stop eating and stare into space. Keiko was still preoccupied with her dream. Perhaps that was what made her think he might be angry with her. After a while, her worry changed character. This silence did not feel like it was sparked by anger. There was none of that charge in the air that she had come to expect, and he did not look right for that. Anger made him ruddy and stiff. Now, he might have been a little paler than usual, and he sat with his shoulders hunched and back rounded. This looked more like concern or sadness.

When Molly climbed down fro her chair and went to colour in her room, Keiko reach out and touched her husband’s arm. 

‘Miles?’ 

He jerked out of his thoughts, startled.

‘Mm?’ 

‘Are you alright?’ 

He exhaled and smiled fondly. 

‘Yes. I think so.’ He rotated his teacup so that the ear pointed the other way, clearly stalling. ‘I’m just trying to figure out what to do.’ 

Keiko frowned. 

‘About what?’ 

He sighed and leaned back, looking at her properly now. 

‘Major Kira and the baby.’ 

The mention of her name had a strong effect on Keiko, sparking both excitement and fear. 

‘Oh?’ 

Miles bit his lip, then leaned forward and took her hand. 

‘I know this is difficult for you, and it’s not fair.’ 

Immediately, there were tears in her eyes. She wanted to say something, but she could not speak. 

‘I’ve been thinking’ He looked away, embarrassed. Then he met her eye. ‘This might be idiotic, but… if you’d feel better with the baby close by, perhaps we could ask if Kira wanted to stay with us for a bit?’ 

It took several seconds before Keiko processed what he had said. Kira – stay with them? The suggestion made her heart beat faster, but it also made her stomach knot up. The thought of her so close was at once delightful and so terrible it dumbfounded her. 

Misinterpreting her silence, Miles quickly added: 

‘If it wouldn’t help, we don’t have to mention it, of course…’ 

‘No,’ she said, interrupting him. ‘It’s not that. I think it’s a wonderful idea.’ 

He smiled. 

‘Well. That’s good.’ 

‘For how long were you thinking?’ 

‘I suppose it depends on her,’ Miles said with a shrug. ‘But… she’s family in a way, isn’t she? If she wanted to, I was thinking… until she has the baby.’ 

That was five months. Keiko tried to find the right words. Giving up, she instead asked: 

‘How would you feel about it? I mean, she is your superior officer.’ 

Miles smiled wryly. 

‘She is, but she’s also having our baby, and that is more important.’ 

Keiko pressed his hand. 

‘Thank you.’ 

He leaned closer and kissed her. She kissed back. When they broke apart, he did not draw back at once but brushed her hair behind her ear. 

‘Shall I ask her if she wants to come for dinner tonight, and we can ask her together?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘That sounds great.’ 

‘Good.’ Looking at the chrono, he grimaced. ‘I’d better go.’ He put his cup on his plate and stood up. 

‘It’s alright, I’ll deal with it,’ Keiko said, holding out her hand over the dishes. 

‘If you’re sure…’ 

‘I am.’ She gave him a playful nudge. ‘Now get to work.’ 

He smiled warmly and kissed her again. 

‘Love you.’ 

‘Love you too,’ she said. He waved at her from the door and left. Keiko sat back heavily. A strange mix of gratitude and guilt was besetting her. She shook herself and got to her feet. If she stayed at the table, the thoughts would come and take her prisoner. With careful steps, she crossed to Molly’s doorway. Molly was sitting on the floor, surrounded by her pens. She looked up at her mother, then went back to her drawing. Keiko smiled and looked around the room. She took in the cuddly toys, the vase of foam flowers, the Bajoran toy farm. It was not a lot of things. They could move them into the main bedroom or, even better, the anteroom between the living room and the bedroom. They could set up a little bed there. It could be really cosy. Molly might find it odd at first, but she adapted well, and she was used to being on the move. Also, she had always seemed to like Major Kira. Having her around would not be odder than many of the things in their family.

That is if Kira wanted to come stay with them, of course. Perhaps it would all be too much. Keiko had no idea how she was feeling about this. When she had come to see her, Kira had seemed calm, even happy. Yesterday on the steps of the shrine, she had looked content. But Keiko could imagine that all this was confusing and strange. The only times she had thought about surrogates, it had been purely theoretical, and she had never been able to get over the feeling that it could be a complicated situation. She had read of instances where the surrogate mother had bonded with the child so much that she did not want to hand it over. That thought scared her for a moment, but in truth she could not imagine Kira refusing to give up the baby. Give up - what a terrible choice of words. That implied that after these five months, Kira would go back to being no more than a friend of the family, as if this was a transaction where Kira got nothing and they got everything. 

Besides, this was not an ordinary surrogacy. She thought back to the runabout. Her memories of the asteroid field were very vague. She had been sitting behind the others. Kira had been taut with concentration. Julian’s eyes had flitted from the rocks in front of them to Kira’s fingers on the control. Keiko could not recall the impact itself. After that, there were only disparate impressions. The blurry light-fitting, Julian’s voice, so distant she could not make out the words, being lifted up. After that there was nothing. Even her recollections of coming to and seeing Miles smile in relief were unfocused. She knew Julian had come to talk to them and explain what had happened, but even if she retained the information, or most of it, she could not remember the conversation in any detail. The first clear thing was being moved to their quarters and Kira coming to see her. 

Suddenly, she craved to be back in that moment. Kira had taken her hand and pressed it against her now-pregnant belly. Her smile had made her eyes sparkle. Keiko took a deep breath, sniffed and blinked, trying to keep the tears away. How she hoped that Kira would say yes – how she needed it.

***

Towards midday, a message came through from Miles.

–_ Kira’s coming by 1730. _

Keiko felt like a colony of Aldavian admirals had taken up residence in her stomach. Some part of her had thought that the dinner invitation would not happen, like it hadn’t last night, but here it was, all planned out. The five and a half hours until Kira’s arrival now felt both very long and all too short. She tried to settle back down and read a monograph on Bajoran lichen she had finally started, but she could barely concentrate. She kept looking up at Molly, who was doing grammar exercises on the console. 

‘Do you need any help, Molly?’ 

‘No,’ Molly said and shook her head emphatically. 

‘Okay. Just say if you do.’ Keiko returned to her book, feeling faintly disappointed. Helping Molly with her school-work would have been a welcome distraction. Instead, she tried to concentrate on the phylogeny of lichen on the Southern consistent. It was hard. The book was proving a disappointment. It was the worst kind of academic prose – overlong, dull and uninspired. She did not know how this had been so positively reviewed in the _Andorian Journal of Botany_. Perhaps it got better later. Right now, however, she did not have the patience to find out. She put it aside and put her head back. Her mind wandered to the dinner. How do you ask someone who until last week was not much more than an acquaintance to come live with you? Keiko had no idea. For a moment, it felt like an entirely selfish request they were going to make. Then she imagined Kira all alone in her quarters, at the mercy of the emotional turmoil that pregnancy could cause. Perhaps, she told herself, this could be good for Kira too. 

One thing remained. Keiko picked up her comm and typed a message. 

– _Should we talk to Molly before?_

Miles’ response was almost immediate. 

– _Good idea. _

Keiko put aside the comm. She looked at the chronometre – 12.30. It seemed that the afternoon was going to be one big countdown.

***

When Miles came home, Keiko had been expecting him for almost twenty minutes.

‘You’re cutting it a bit fine, if we’re going to talk to Molly,’ she said, although she was feeling more nervous than annoyed. 

‘Sorry,’ he said and kissed her. ‘The systems always wait to malfunction until ten minutes before I leave. Kira will be a bit later than we said. She wanted to change out of her uniform. We’ve got fifteen minutes at least.’ 

Keiko smiled back. She imagined the Bajoran militia uniform was not very comfortable at all. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Miles touched her hair. She looked over at him and found him smiling gently. 

‘Okay.’ She took a deep breath and took his hand. ‘Shall we do it?’ 

He nodded. 

‘Let’s.’ They sat down. ‘Molly?’ Miles called. The answer came from inside Molly’s room. 

‘Yes?’ 

‘Can you come here for a bit?’ 

‘I’m colouring.’ 

‘We want to tell you something,’ Keiko called. There was a pause, then the sound of pens clattering against the floor. Molly came into the living-room. 

‘Is it a bad thing?’ she asked guardedly. 

Keiko forced herself to smile. 

‘Not at all, honey.’ She reached out and beckoned her over. ‘It’s a good thing.’ 

Molly came closer, still a little reluctant, but sat down between her parents. They exchanged a look. They had not talked about what to say. Where did you start this kind of conversation? Miles took the initiative. 

‘Molly, you know how Julian moved your baby brother to Major Kira’s tummy?’ 

The solemn look on Molly’s face disappeared, and instead she rolled her eyes. 

‘_Yes._’ 

Keiko held her breath, feeling about to laugh. She leaned forward a little. 

‘Being pregnant can be hard,’ she said, ‘and we want to make it as easy as possible for Major Kira. So we’re going to ask her if she wants to come stay with us.’ 

Molly considered this. It did not seem to concern her at all. 

‘Okay.’ Then, she frowned. ‘Where is she going to sleep?’ 

Again, her parents looked at each other. Keiko cocked her head towards Molly’s room. Miles gave a minute nod – they had had the same thought. 

‘The best place for her to live would be your room,’ he said. ‘That way, she can get some space of her own, and that’s good for grown-ups.’ 

‘What about my toys?’ Molly asked. 

‘Your toys can live in our room,’ Keiko said. ‘And we can set up a bed in the little room.’ That was what they had come to call the area running between the living-room and their bedroom. It was more than a corridor but not quite a room in its own right. Still, a bed would just about fit. 

‘It could be really cosy,’ Miles said. ‘It can be a bit of an adventure.’ 

Molly nodded. 

‘I like adventures.’ 

‘That’s great,’ Miles said, relaxing with relief.

‘But Molly, you need to let me and daddy talk to Major Kira about this first,’ Keiko said. Better to avoid a situation like when they got home from Bajor. ’Okay?’ 

She nodded. 

‘Okay.’ She looked at them. ‘Can I go colour now?’ 

‘Of course, honey.’

She hugged them each in turn before she left. Keiko exhaled deeply and leaned back. 

‘Just the difficult bit left now,’ she said. Miles smiled in sympathy.

‘Are you nervous?’ 

‘Maybe a little,’ she admitted.

The door chimed. Miles kissed Keiko on the cheek. 

‘It’s going to go fine.’ Then he stood up. ‘Come in!’ 

The doors slid open. Kira Nerys was dressed in a deeper red than her uniform. It made her look paler, but her smile shone. 

‘Hello, Major,’ Miles said. ‘Make yourself comfortable.’

‘Please, call me Nerys,’ she said and sat down. She looked from Miles to Keiko. Did her smile change? ‘It’s good to see you.’ 

Keiko smiled back. 

‘It’s good to see _you_,’ she said. 

‘Miles said you’re on the mend?’ Kira said. Keiko nodded. 

‘I’m getting there. At least I’m on my feet now.’ 

‘I’m glad to hear it,’ she said. Then, remembering something, she said: ‘I brought this with me.’ She took out a PADD, called up the content and handed it to her. Keiko took it, and Miles moved to look over her shoulder. A small gasp escaped her. On the screen was a monochrome image of a foetus, curled up tightly in its amniotic sac. Keiko looked over at Kira for confirmation. 

‘This is…?’ 

Kira’s hand went to her stomach. 

‘Yes. They’re from today.’ 

Keiko looked back at the PADD. Slowly, she swiped through the pictures. With each, she noticed something new – his nose, his hands, his eyelids. It brought tears to her eyes. Miles put his hands on her shoulders. 

‘He’s beautiful,’ she said. Kira nodded. 

‘He is.’ 

Keiko made to hand back the PADD, but Kira shook her head. 

‘Keep it.’ 

Keiko looked back at PADD. She could not find the words she were looking for. “Thank you” did not feel enough. She was so absorbed in the pictures of her baby that she barely noticed Miles taking his hands off her shoulders. 

‘Molly, come look,’ he said. ‘We’ve got pictures of your brother.’ 

Molly almost ran out of her room. 

‘I want to see!’ 

Nerys moved to the side to let Molly sit by Keiko. Molly clambered onto the sofa and looked at the PADD. She looked up at her mother, eyes wide. As Molly looked back at the picture, Nerys caught Keiko’s eye and smiled. Keiko smiled back, then glanced at Miles, who was perching on the sideboard. He too smiled. 

Molly broke the silence. 

‘Is he still very little?’ 

‘Not very,’ Nerys said. ‘About this big.’ She held her hands about fifteen centimetres apart. 

‘Your tummy’s bigger than that.’ 

Nerys laughed. 

‘There are lots of other things in there too,’ she said. 

‘Do you remember we talked about how babies grow in a sack of liquid, to make sure they don’t get squished?’ Keiko asked. Molly nodded. Then she pointed. 

‘Is that the um-billy-cal cord?’ she asked, pronouncing it very carefully. 

‘Exactly,’ Keiko said. 

Molly looked at Nerys again. 

‘Did you have to grow a new cord for him?’ 

Nerys shook her head. She looked delighted at these questions. 

‘No, it’s the same as before.’ 

‘Good,’ Molly said. ‘It would be unfair if he had to get used to a new one.’ 

Nerys’ smile was so broad it almost turned into laughter. 

‘You’re right about that.’ 

‘I’m going to draw a picture of him,’ Molly said. She stood up and waved, not at Nerys, but her stomach. ‘Bye-bye.’ 

She turned and ran back into her room. Nerys looked at Miles and Keiko. 

‘She’ll make a very good big sister.’ 

‘She will,’ Miles agreed. 

Nerys looked about to answer, but instead, she jumped and gasped. Her hand went to her stomach. Keiko felt a cold rush of fear. Behind her, she heard Miles jerked forward. The next moment, Nerys relaxed. 

‘He’s kicking so much,’ she said. She looked at Keiko. ‘Are you sure he’s alright?’ 

Keiko felt tongue-tied for a moment. 

‘It’s a good sign,’ she said, a little too fast. ‘Molly – I thought she was going to kick her way out of me.’  
Nerys tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace. Her hand wandered to her back. Miles got to his feet. After having been quiet for so long, he seemed to jump at the chance to do something. 

‘Lower back, huh?’ he said. ‘Hold on. I have just the thing.’ 

He headed for the bedroom. Keiko looked after him, then looked back at Nerys. It felt like she had too many emotions inside. She felt grateful and humble and oddly uncomfortable looking at her. She had to put some of it in words somehow. 

‘It was so thoughtful of you to share this with us,’ she said, gesturing at the PADD. ‘Thank you, Major.’ 

She smiled and put her hands on Keiko’s. 

‘Please,’ she said. ‘Nerys.’ 

Keiko nodded, then shifted. She had to concentrate on something else than her hand. 

‘So… any morning sickness?’ 

Nerys frowned. 

‘What’s that?’ 

‘Well, I don’t know how it is for Bajorans,’ Keiko said, ‘but typically, humans wake up feeling nauseous.’ 

Nerys looked mystified. 

‘It doesn’t work that way for Bajorans,’ she said. ‘Typically, we start sneezing. Uncontrollably. But this is a human baby.’ She put her hand on her belly. ‘I don’t know what to expect.’ 

Just then, Miles returned, carrying the support cushion they had bought when they had been expecting Molly.  
‘Here we go,’ he said. Nerys turned. Seeing what he was carrying, she moved forward a little. He slid it behind her back. Keiko reached over her to make sure the cushion’s side-pieces went all the way down. 

‘Sorry,’ she said, aware that she was coming very close and personal. Nerys just smiled. 

‘Better?’ Miles asked. 

‘Much,’ she said, leaning back again with a sigh of relief. Miles sat down on the floor and cleared the table to give her space to put her feet up. Molly came into the living-room again. Circumnavigating her mother’s legs, she came to sit beside her and Nerys. 

‘I’m hungry,’ she announced. 

‘It is about that time,’ Miles said. ‘I’ll get dinner started.’ 

‘And I should be going back to my quarters,’ Nerys said, getting ready to rise. 

Keiko could see their chance about to slip away. 

‘Why?’ she asked. ‘Have dinner with us!’ 

Nerys looked uncertain. 

‘I don’t want to impose.’ 

Keiko laughed. 

‘Nerys! You’re having our baby,’ she said. ‘You’re family now.’ 

‘That’s right,’ Miles agreed. ‘In fact, Keiko and I have been talking about something. We have an idea that we’d like you to consider.’ 

‘It’s just an idea,’ Keiko said quickly. ‘We don’t want to pressure you.’ 

The look on Nerys’ face had gone from uncertain to mystified. 

‘I understand,’ she said, looking from one to the other. ‘What is it?’ 

Miles looked at Keiko. Keiko cocked her head. 

‘Go ahead,’ she whispered. Miles took a deep breath. 

‘Well. Seeing as you are… having our baby, you’re sort of part of our family,’ he said. ‘So we were wondering if maybe – just if you want – you wanted to stay with us for a while.’ 

Keiko could not read the emotions on Nerys’ face. She had a terrible feeling it was shock. 

‘We’d love to have you and the baby around,’ she said. ‘And it would mean we could help you if you needed it.’ 

Nerys’ eyes were as wide as before. 

‘For how long?’ 

‘However long you’d like,’ Keiko said. 

‘Where?’ 

‘We were thinking we could redo Molly’s room,’ Miles said. ‘You’d have your privacy.’ 

Nerys swallowed, her face stiffening a little. 

‘You don’t have to make any decision now – you can think about it…’ 

Nerys spoke. 

‘Yes.’ 

Keiko stopped in her tracks. She did not know quite what she had responded to. The stiffness was gone from her face now, and in its place was a look of sincerity. 

‘I’d like this, if it’s not an inconvenience.’ 

Keiko exhaled. 

‘It’s not,’ she said. ‘Not at all. It’s a pleasure.’ 

Nerys smiled at her. 

‘Thank you,’ she said. 

Miles shifted on the floor. 

‘I’ll fix dinner,’ he said, ‘and you can do some planning.’ 

He got up and headed to the dining area. When Keiko turned back at Nerys, she saw that she had not moved. She was still looking straight at her, still smiling. Keiko smiled back. She had not felt this happy since before Torad V.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue in this chapter is borrowed from the episode "Body Parts".

When Keiko woke the next morning, she did not jerk awake in terror, but rose from sleep gradually. From the living room, she could hear the noise of breakfast preparation. She pushed herself up, stopping half-way to check how she felt. She still felt sore, much like bad menstrual cramps, but her wounds hurt less and the bruises on her side did not feel as bad. She had got her legs over the edge of the bed and was about to stand up when Miles entered carrying the medicine case. 

‘Good morning,’ he said cheerily. ‘You’re looking lively. How are you feeling?’ 

‘Better, I think,’ she said. ‘Still crampy, but better.’ 

‘Shall I heat Booboo?’ 

Keiko groaned with relief. 

‘Yes, please.’ 

‘Just a second.’ 

He put the medicine case down and left. Keiko unlocked it, then stretched out her back. She rolled her shoulders experimentally and flexed her legs. _Definitely better,_ she thought. Only a minute passed before Miles came back, carrying Molly’s purple heatable unicorn. 

‘Here we go.’ 

‘Thank you.’ She pressed it to her stomach. ‘That helps.’ 

Miles smiled and picked up the first hypo.

‘So,’ he said. ‘Today’s the day.’ 

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Today’s the day.’ 

He leaned forward to catch her eye. 

‘You okay?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘Yes.’ 

Was she? It all felt strange, like it was not quite real. now that she thought about it, she did not quite believe that Nerys would move in. There would be some complication that prevented it or she would change her mind… But none of that was logical. It would no doubt happen, and her heart jumped every time she thought of that. 

They did not speak as Miles gave her the morning medication. When they were finished, he moved to put his arm around her to help her up. 

‘It’s okay,’ she said, waving away his arm and rose with only his hand for support. When she was on her feet, she let go of him. He looked at her as if she had vaulted over the bed. His smile shone with pride and his eyes glittered. Keiko reached out and touched his cheek. Miles wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his chest and felt how he nuzzled into her hair. She could not tell if he was crying. When they pulled apart, she thought she saw him lowering his arm from his face, as if he had wiped his eyes on his sleeve, but the smile he gave her was genuine. She took his hand as they left the bedroom. She had intended to say something, but her train of thought was interrupted when they stepped into the living room. A large package, at least two metres long and a metre high, was leaning against the wall. 

‘What is that?’ 

A shuffling sound came from the package, and Molly came crawling out from behind it. 

‘It’s my new bed!’ she said excitedly. Miles let go of Keiko and crossed to her. 

‘I told you not to play around it,’ he said and picked her up. She did not seem to mind, just settled on his arm and put her hands around his neck. 

‘Daddy’s building me a new bed!’ 

Keiko looked at Miles. 

‘You’re building it?’ 

‘More assembling it,’ Miles said quickly. ‘It’s a Starfleet standard one. It’ll go great in the little room.’ 

‘Can I have my pink sheets on my new bed?’ Molly asked. 

‘Of course you can,’ Miles said, took a better grip around her and tickled her side. She shrieked with delight. Keiko laughed at the sight of them. Miles put Molly down. ‘Alright, let’s have breakfast!’ 

They took their seats, the three of them. Miles fetched things from the replicator and poured the juice and coffee, smiling all the while. When he sat down, he took Keiko’s hand briefly and pressed it. She pressed his in return. They had not had breakfast like this, the three of them together, since before she left for Torad V, she reflected. Then at once, she realised that they would probably not have breakfast like this for some time. Tonight, there would be four of them in these quarters. Normality was a state that never remained for long. 

‘So, when are you assembling the bed?’ Keiko asked. 

‘Right after this,’ Miles said, gesturing at his breakfast. ‘Captain Sisko gave me permission to take some time out of my shift, as long as nothing urgent happens.’ 

‘You talked to him already?’ Keiko asked. They had decided last night that Nerys (Keiko still had to remind herself not to call her Major Kira) and Miles would tell Sisko about their new living-arrangement. Strictly he had the right to veto it, if he felt the risks were too great, but Miles had said that he could not imagine that he would. She had expected them to bring it up at the beginning of the day’s shift, but Miles nodded. 

‘I woke up early and remembered the captain was working delta shift. Nerys is usually in Ops by oh-six hundred hours,’ he explained. ‘He said it was all fine. Told us to ask if he could help.’

Keiko smiled. She did not feel able to quite express how grateful she felt toward Sisko, when he was not obligated to do any of the things he had. 

‘We’ll have to think of some way to thank him,’ she said. Miles nodded. Keiko decided to change subject. ‘So you got up around six?’ 

‘More like five,’ he admitted. Keiko made a sympathetic face. ‘It’s alright,’ he said. ‘It wasn’t in an unpleasant way.’ 

She smiled.

‘That’s good.’ 

‘Did you know,’ Molly said, ‘that Vulcan sand-squids only have to sleep two hours in _one week_?’ 

‘Really?’ Miles said, leaning forward, looking both interested and entertained. ‘Is that so?’ 

‘And when they sleep, they dig themselves down into the sand so they don’t get all hot, and if they don’t dig deep enough, predators can eat them!’ 

‘I’m glad I’m not a Vulcan sand-squid.’ 

‘I feel sorry for them. But they eat desert doves, and they’re cute, so it serves them right to get eaten too sometimes.’

Keiko finished her breakfast, listening to Molly telling her father about Vulcan animals. When she was done, Miles waved for her to sit and cleared the table himself. Keiko reached out and brushed Molly’s hair aside, narrowly saving it from some spilt marmalade on the table. 

‘You know what’s happening today?’ she asked. Molly nodded eagerly. 

‘Nerys is coming to live with us.’ 

‘And you remember that she’s going to stay in your room?’ 

‘Yes.’

‘So we’ll have to move your toys, so you don’t have to disturb her when you want to play.’ 

‘Do we have to pack them up?’ she asked, looking more solemn now. ‘Because Momo-san doesn’t like living in a bag.’ 

‘You don’t have to pack up your stuffed toys,’ Keiko said. ‘They can live on your bed, once daddy has finished putting it together. Maybe you could move them to the sofa to start with?’ 

‘Can I do it now?’ Molly asked. 

‘Brush your teeth first.’ 

‘Okay!’ 

She jumped from her chair and ran off. Miles smiled after her. 

‘I think I’m going to get started on the bed,’ he said. 

‘Do,’ Keiko said and got to her feet. She was still stiff and sore, but the improvement when she had just woken up was definitely not a one-off. As if reading her mind, Miles asked: 

‘Would you like me to fetch the pump?’ 

She smiled. 

‘Yes please.’ 

She settled in an armchair and tried to relax. Yesterday, she had struggled, as she felt stressed and anxious, but now, it was hard because of the anticipation. It would all change soon, but for now, the only sign of that was the flat-pack leaning against the wall. It did not really feel real. 

Then there was the sound of little feet. Molly emerged with the big basket they usually kept fresh towels in. She tried to carry it in front of her, but it was so large that she raised it over her head and tipped it down her back. 

‘I’m a tortoise,’ she announced and hurried towards her room. 

‘You’re a very fast tortoise,’ Keiko observed. Molly spun around. 

‘I’m an Aldavian tortoise! They’re super fast!’ She turned away again and ran into her room. Keiko smiled to herself. She was fairly sure that there was no such thing as an Aldavian tortoise. 

‘Here we go.’ Miles entered, carrying the breast pump. ‘Do you need anything else?’ 

‘No, I’m fine. Thank you.’ 

He leaned down and kissed her. 

’Just give us a shout if you do.’ 

She nodded and smiled. 

‘Go fix that bed now.’ 

‘Aye-aye, Captain.’ 

She undid her pyjamas jacket and set to work. The quarters felt alive again. There was the sound of Miles dragging the heavy flat-pack into the next room and Molly talking to her soft toys as she put them in the basket. Keiko wondered how the quarters would feel with Nerys here. Would it all be like usual? Would it get louder, or would they all try hard to be quiet? Would Nerys keep to herself, or would she become a fixture of their home lives? Idly, Keiko considered if she should ask Miles to see if they could get a comfortable chair for the bedroom so that she could pump there. She did not know how Nerys would feel about it if she did it in the living-room. 

Molly shuffled out of her room, back first, pulling the basket. It was full of her cuddly toys now – Piggy the Targ, Lupi the Bajoran doll, Rabbit the frog puppet and Momo-san, the multi-coloured stuffed toy that neither Miles nor Keiko had managed to identify as an actual animal. She pulled the basket all the way to the sofa before she let go. She looked at her mother with a sceptical frown. 

‘What are you doing?’ she asked. 

‘I’m pumping breast milk,’ Keiko explained. ‘So that the baby will have something to eat.’ 

‘But the baby isn’t born yet, mummy,’ Molly said, in a tone that made it sound like she thought Keiko might have missed this. 

‘You’re right about that. But when he is, I want to be able to feed him. Do you remember when we saw that Janitzan monkey feeding her baby?’ 

‘I know what a mammal is,’ Molly said. She looked suspiciously at the breast pump. ‘But that is not a baby. That’s _weird_.’ 

‘It is a bit,’ Keiko admitted. 

‘Can’t you just wait until there _is_ a baby?’ 

‘No. If I do, my body will think that it shouldn’t make more milk, and there’ll be none for the baby.’ 

Molly looked a little sad now. 

‘Will the baby be hungry if he doesn’t get milk?’ 

‘No, there are things you can give babies that is like milk,’ Keiko assured her. ‘But breast milk is very good for babies.’ She shifted her grip of the pump and removed the nipple-shield. 

‘Are you done now?’ Molly asked. Keiko shook her head. 

‘I’m done with the pump for now, but I still have some milk left.’ Undoing the top of the bottle, she started to hand-express. Molly laughed. She watched her mother wide-eyed, now fascinated rather than put off. By the time Keiko started pumping her other breast, Molly seemed to be growing bored. 

‘How about you put your toys on the sofa and go put your clothes in the basket?’ 

‘I can’t reach my dresses,’ Molly said. 

‘Leave them, and I’ll come help you with them in a bit.’ 

‘Okay.’ She moved her stuffed toys and picked up one of the handles of the basket. ‘Can I have a hug?’ she asked. Keiko smiled. 

‘Of course.’ 

She hugged her daughter. 

‘You’ll be a great big sister, Molly.’ 

Molly hugged her back, hard.

***

By mid-morning, most of the things had been moved out of the nursery. All that was left was the doll’s house and a crate of arts and crafts things. Molly was sitting on the bed playing a PADD game as Keiko checked they had not left anything in the wardrobe.

‘Molly, you forgot Triangle Man,’ Keiko said, taking a purple cuddly triangle with arms and legs from the top shelf.

Molly looked up from her game. 

‘He lives there.’ 

‘Well he’ll have to move for now.’ 

‘What if Nerys wants Triangle Man to live there?’ 

‘I think it’s a good idea if we take him with us, and then you can ask Nerys how she feels about Triangle Man living in her wardrobe.’ 

Molly pouted. 

‘Alright.’ She got off the bed and took Triangle Man. Just as she went out of the room, Miles appeared in the doorway. 

‘Fecking thing’s finally finished,’ he said. Assembling the bed had clearly not been straightforward. There had been swearing in a wide range of languages. Keiko was mildly worried that Molly was going to pick some of them up. 

‘Excellent.’ 

Miles gestured at the crate and the doll’s house. 

‘Is this all that’s left?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Wow.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘I’d like to do a little bit of decorating.’ With Molly’s things removed, the room looked as austere as when they had moved in. 

‘What were you thinking?’ 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘Some flowers, maybe.’ 

Miles looked at her appraisingly. 

‘You were thinking of the florist on the promenade?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’ 

‘Yes,’ Keiko said. ‘I think it’d do me good.’ 

Miles smiled. 

‘I’ll stay with Molly. We’ve got some decorating to do too.’ 

She smiled back. 

‘Remember, the pink sheets.’ 

‘Will do.’ 

Keiko did not take the crutch with her. It felt cumbersome instead of helpful now. Getting to the promenade still took longer than usual, but the walk felt much shorter than two days ago. She took her time climbing the spiral staircase to the promenade’s second level. Prem Oraya’s flower shop was located next door to the new Bajoran café. The light inside it was tinged green by the leaves of the hanging pots in the ceiling. The smell of flower foam mingled with the floral fragrances from dozens of different plants. When the owner caught sight of Keiko entering, her face split into a broad smile. 

‘Professor O’Brien! What a wonderful surprise!’ Prem said, putting down the arrangement she had been working on and crossing to her. ‘I’m very pleased to see you. I assumed we wouldn’t see you for a while…’ 

Keiko had not anticipated this, but it should not really surprise her. Of course the news about her accident was all over the station. 

‘I’m much better, thank you,’ she said, hoping that was enough. Prem apparently sensed that it was not a topic she wanted to pursue. 

‘So,’ the Bajoran said. ‘What are you after? I’m afraid that my contact in the Starok natural reserve has taken a job in the city, so it might be harder to get hold of _gonota_ saplings…’ 

‘I’m here for cut flowers, actually,’ Keiko said. Prem raised her eyebrows, intrigued. 

‘Oh! In that case, we’re in my territory. What were you thinking?’ 

Keiko looked around the shop. 

‘Do you have any _koba_ flowers?’ 

‘Yes.’ Prem opened the doors to one of the transparent cabinets. ‘These arrived yesterday, so they’re still very fresh.’ 

‘They’re beautiful,’ Keiko said. ‘What about lilies?’ 

‘Terran, Denobulan, Eridanian?’ 

‘Any of those.’ 

‘Oh plenty.’ She moved to another cabinet. ‘Which do you fancy?’ 

‘The Terran ones have a wonderful colour, but the Eridanian lilies have a nicer smell.’ Something else caught Keiko’s eye. ‘Are those Elysian carnations?’ 

‘Indeed.’ 

And so it continued. Every time Keiko thought she had settled on a type of flower, she spotted something else. Both the botanically interesting and the aesthetically pleasing was found on the list Prem made up for her. She was even tempted by an arrangement of Moebian lilies and moss. After half an hour, she read through the list. In her mind’s eye, she started to see Nerys’ room. 

She put down the PADD. 

‘I’d like a dozen of the Terran lilies, two dozen Elysian carnations, two dozen _koba_ flowers with long stems, and a couple of the Bajoran lupines. And two of the Moebian lily arrangements.’ 

Prem made the notes. 

‘Shall we deliver them to your quarters?’ 

‘Yes please.’ 

Keiko authorised the payment with her thumbprint with the giddy feeling of indulgent spending. There were worse things to use her salary from the Bajor expedition on than flowers, she reflected. 

She bid Prem goodbye and left the florist’s shop. Her right hip had started aching. Perhaps she should sit down, or leave her next errand for later. But no, it had to be done before Nerys moved in. It would be no good if she had to put it off. Moving slower than before, she descended to the first level of the promenade. She paused at the arched entrance, uncertain whether she would be welcome. 

Keiko took a deep breath and climbed the steps. 

The interior of the temple shimmered. Vedek Yassim was the only person there, arranging a cloth over the box where the sacred Orb was kept. Keiko stopped, unwilling to disturb her. The tranquility reminded her of the shrines back home.

She stood for almost a minute before the vedek sensed her presence and turned. She looked at her with sharp eyes, placing her. Then her look softened a little. It was still a keen gaze, but the initial suspicion was gone. 

‘Professor O’Brien, isn’t it?’ 

‘Yes, that’s right.’ 

Yassim approached, studying her. Keiko knew she was thinking about the same thing as she herself had thought of before stepping inside – her conflict with the vedek who was now kai. She did not know what Yassim’s position on that was, but just as she started to worry, Yassim smiled. 

‘What can we help with with, Professor?’ 

‘I was hoping for some advice,’ Keiko said. 

‘Of a spiritual nature?’

‘Not really,’ she said. ‘Although it depends on how you look at it. It’s about Bajoran religion.’ 

Yassim raised her eyebrows. 

‘Oh?’ 

She had rehearsed these words in her head since last night. 

‘We are having a Bajoran houseguest, and I want to set up a place for prayer.’ 

Yassim smiled. Keiko wondered if it was a knowing smile, but if she had heard rumours, she did not say anything. 

‘And you want advice on what to do?’ 

‘Exactly.’ 

‘Well, the most important thing is a prayer disc.’ 

‘A prayer disc?’ 

Instead of answering, Yassim waved for her to follow. In the side-room they entered, items drape-covered items hung around the walls. Yassim crossed to one of them. 

‘This is a disc.’ Carefully she removed the drape of heavy cloth and revealed a round bronze plaque. In the centre was the Bajoran seal. Spreading from it were waves in relief which made the disc look like a sun. ‘You’ve probably seen them before.’ 

‘Yes.’ Keiko felt strangely humbled, knowing that under each drape was one of these sacred things. She clasped her hands together. It felt more respectful somehow. 

‘This is the centre-piece of any area of prayer. Really, it can stand on its own, but usually there is a table with candles as well.’ Yassim gestured at the discs. ‘We keep these for anyone who needs one but can’t afford their own.’ 

Keiko stepped closer to the walls. She could make out the round forms under the drapes, but no more. She had a child-like urge to reach out and touch the cloth, but fought it. 

‘Are they always made from metal?’ 

‘No. It varies between different denominations and areas. We have other version too. The first discs were carved in wood. Some still prefer them, as they see them as closer to the Prophets. They are made by hand with few tools. During the Occupation, discs started to be made from cloth.’ 

‘They’re easy to transport, I suppose.’ 

‘Yes,’ Yassim said. ‘Also, they can be hidden. In many refugee camps, our religion was outlawed. The Cardassians were afraid that secret messages would be hidden in sermons and prayers. And of course it gave us hope. That, they could not stand.’ 

Now that she thought of it, she realised that what she had taken for a decorative quilt in the cabin belonging to Sebarr, her zoologist friend from the Bajor expedition, had in fact been a point of focus during prayer. 

‘But the cloth discs are still used,’ Keiko said. 

‘They are,’ Yassim said, ‘but they are not as popular as they once were. They are mainly used by progressives or – if you prefer – radicals. Particularly more conservative Bajorans feel that they are disrespectful. Cloth can be torn or crumpled up. Metal is hard to destroy, like faith.’ She turned her eyes on Keiko again. ‘So, which do you think your house-guest would prefer?’ 

Keiko did not know much about Nerys’ faith, but she was definitely not religiously radical. 

‘I think she would prefer a metal one.’ 

Yassim smiled. 

‘We can arrange that. We will need a deposit – as you can imagine, we have to have something to make sure people don’t walk off with them.’ 

‘People do that?’ 

‘You’ve been to Bajor, Professor. You must know that things are still dire. Some people are desperate enough that even sacred objects can be used as barter, and this much bronze can fetch a neat prize.’ 

Keiko did not know what to say. She had seen poverty on Bajor, but she had never thought it was as bad as that. Shaking off the thought, she said: 

‘Of course we’ll give you the deposit.’ 

Yassim nodded and went over to a small desk, getting out a PADD. She entered something, then handed it to Keiko. 

‘Are you comfortable reading Bajoran?’ 

‘I can get by.’ Keiko read through the document, which outlined her responsibility to keep the prayer disc in good condition. She pressed her thumb to the reader, signing the document and accepting the payment of the deposit. Giving the PADD back, she asked: ‘Do we pick it up?’ 

When Yassim smiled now, her rough edges softened. 

‘I think it is a better idea that I ask two of our congregants to come by with it. As you can imagine, these things are heavy.’ 

It was subtle, but Keiko noticed how the vedek’s eyes wandered down her body. Of course she had heard about the accident, which meant she knew what had happened with the baby, and who was carrying it. In turn, that meant that she must be able to guess who their Bajoran house-guest was. Perhaps she thought that Keiko was taking her for a fool, not saying Nerys’ name. Could she see inside her, and see not just her gratitude but her anticipation?

The fear passed when Yassim smiled, looking almost maternal. 

‘Thank you for coming by, Professor O’Brien. And thank you, for being so considerate towards your house-guest’s faith.’ 

‘Thank you for your help, Vedek Yassim.’ 

Keiko returned to their quarters, walking slower than before. The errands had taken their toll. She would have to have a rest before continuing with the room.

***

That morning, the room had been dominated by stuffed toys, princess dresses and a bedcover with tardigrades on it. By the end of the afternoon, it had transformed. Some touches had been small, like the bed-throw or the painting of the Musilla sea. Others had been more time-consuming, like the flowers. Even before they had been delivered, Keiko had moved the vases into the room and filled them with water there. Once Prem had dropped off her order, she spent over an hour trying different combinations. Eventually, she had taken them into the room and placed them in the vases. Two tall bouquets of lilies and lupins, surrounded by carnations and_ koba_ flowers, were set in in large urns on either side of the bed. The flowers that she had not used there were placed in a smaller crystal vase on the desk. The Moebian lily arrangements she placed on the drawer and the table where Molly’s doll’s house usually stood. Not knowing what place flowers had in Bajoran religion, Keiko felt the narrow table pushed against the wall free from greenery. She only added two small candles. The prayer disc was delivered, just like vedek Yassim had promised, by two congregants – one of Odo’s deputies and private in the militia. They had secured it to the wall as Keiko watched, holding Molly’s hand. The disc was heavy enough that they had carried it between them. Only once it was securely mounted did Keiko let go of Molly’s hand.

‘Thank you so much,’ she said to the men. She walked them to the door and shook hands with both of them, thanking them again. They said goodbye and wished her a good evening, their faces bright with curiosity. Keiko wondered to herself what stories they would tell their friends. She had expected that thought to be an uncomfortable one, but now, with Nerys’ arrival only a few hours away, she realised she did not care if people were talking. Let them think what they wanted. She and Miles were going to have their child back in their home. 

Keiko turned around, expecting to see Molly behind her – she was sure she had followed her out – but she was not there. She could hear sounds from Nerys’ room: shoes shuffling against the carpet. 

‘Molly, honey?’ 

There was no answer. Keiko stepped into the room. Molly was standing on tiptoes at the altar, holding onto the edge for support as she looked up at the prayer disc. Keiko sat down on the bed and watched how she studied the sacred plaque with wide eyes. After a while she turned around. 

‘What is it?’ she asked. 

‘It’s a Bajoran prayer disc, so Nerys has somewhere to pray.’

Molly let go of the table and climbed up onto Keiko’s lap. 

‘It’s a _shintai_?’ 

‘Not really,’ Keiko said, wrapping her arms around her. ‘It’s just something to concentrate on.’ 

‘Like a crucifix?’ 

‘Yes, sort of.’ 

Carefully, Molly leaned her head against her mother. Keiko found it sweet how quickly she had learned she had to be gentle, but at the same time it made her sad. Before the accident, she had wanted attention and affection all the time, but now, she had become more solemn. The fear of being supplanted by a new sibling had disappeared and turned into concern that was mismatched to her age. 

‘Can’t she worship at our _kamidana_?’ 

‘If she wants to, of course she can,’ Keiko said, ‘but those aren’t her gods. She might not feel comfortable doing that.’ 

‘Daddy sometimes helps us with offerings,’ Molly pointed out. 

‘Yes, but that’s different.’ She did not really know how to explain this. ‘Nerys’ religion is really important to her. When she was little, the Cardassians tried to stop the Bajorans from practicing their religion, but that just meant it was more precious to them. So we shouldn’t force Nerys to do anything religious she might not want to do, okay?’ 

Molly nodded. 

‘Okay.’ Again, she frowned, thinking hard about something. ‘Mummy?’ 

‘Yes, sweetie?’ 

‘Will my baby brother be Bajoran?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘No, he won’t.’ 

‘Will he be half Bajoran?’ 

Now she laughed. Molly looked so sincere. 

‘No, sweetheart. He’ll be human. Nerys is just taking care of him in her tummy until he’s ready to be born.’ 

‘Because you got hurt and he couldn’t stay in your tummy,’ Molly supplied in a serious tone. Keiko’s laughed died. It was almost word for word what she had been told Miles had said when explaining it to Molly. 

‘Yes. Exactly.’ 

‘Does it still hurt?’ Molly asked. 

‘Yes,’ Keiko said. ‘But not as much.’

‘So you’ll be okay?’ Molly said, looking up at her. Keiko nodded. 

‘I will be okay.’ She hugged her. Molly wrapped her little arms around her neck and held her tightly. After a long moment, he let go. Keiko loosened her grip and watched how she looked around what until today had been her own space. 

‘I’ll miss my room.’ 

Keiko stroked her hair. 

‘It’s okay to be upset,’ she said. ‘This is a big charge, and it’ll take a while to get used to it.’ 

Molly chewed on her lip and looked pensive. 

‘I’m not upset,’ she said, although Keiko did not really believe her. She looked up at her mother like she had had a sudden idea. ‘Can I still play here?’ 

‘You’ll have to ask Nerys about that, sweetie.’ 

Molly nodded. 

‘Okay.’ The frown of concentration returned as she returned to the previous topic. ‘Will my baby brother still be my baby brother, even if you don’t give birth to him?’ 

The ache that question stirred up felt almost physical. Keiko was glad Molly was not watching her – she felt ready to cry. 

‘Yes, he’ll still be your full brother.’ 

‘But what about Nerys?’ she asked. ‘Will she be his mother?’ 

Keiko did not know how to answer. There was a part of her that wanted to scream “no! _I’m_ his mother!” But then there was the other part, both more rational and more emotive. It reasoned that if this had been in nature, Nerys would be classified as a mother of some kind. It also, in direct opposition to the primal, possessive voice, felt deeply comforted by that. 

‘That’s a tricky question.’ 

‘Will she be my aunt?’ 

Because she could answer, there was the sound of the door opening. Her questions forgotten, Molly shouted ‘daddy’s home!’, jumped off Keiko’s knee and ran out of the room. Keiko heard Miles’ voice from the living-room, but she lingered in the room. She smoothed the sheets where she had sat and rearranged the flowers. She hoped Nerys wasn’t allergic to Moebian lilies. Perhaps they had been a mistake… 

‘Keiko?’ she heard Miles call. 

‘In here!’ she called back. Miles put his head around the door. His smiled disappeared and was replaced by a look of surprise. 

‘Whoa.’ 

‘What do you think?’ 

He stepped inside and looked around. Then he puffed up his cheeks and released the air to make a sound of amazement. 

‘It’s gorgeous.’ He pointed to the altar. ‘Where did you get the, uh, altarpiece?’ 

‘It’s called a prayer disc,’ Keiko said. ‘I borrowed it from the station shrine. I paid a deposit for it.’ 

Miles crossed to it. 

‘Is it secured?’ he asked, reaching out and then stopping. ‘Are we allowed to touch it?’ 

‘I think so. The Bajorans who brought it up from the shrine did.’ 

‘Alright.’ Still looking a little nervous, Miles took hold of the edge and tried to move it. It stayed in place. Happy with what he found, he let go of it. Keiko noticed him flexing his fingers, as if aware that he might have done something wrong by touching it. ‘It looks safe enough.’ 

‘They put some kind of seal on the back of it.’ 

‘Good.’ Turning away from the altar, he looked around the room. 

‘This is… pretty impressive, Keiko.’ 

Keiko could hear that something was unsaid. 

‘Are the flowers too much?’ 

‘No,’ he said, drawing out the vowel in a way that made her feel he was not sure, ‘but this is every vase we own.’ 

‘If we need a vase for something, we could get a new one. And if she doesn’t like it, we can move some out into the living-room.’ 

Miles grinned. 

‘I’m sure she’ll like it,’ he said. ‘I just don’t want you to tire yourself out.’ He pointed to one of the vases. ‘That one is heavy.’ 

‘It wasn’t too bad.’ 

He gave her a look. 

‘Julian said no heavy lifting,’ he reminded her. 

‘It’s a ceramic vase, not a crate of stem-bolts.’ 

He sighed. 

‘You should have asked me for help.’ 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘I managed fine.’ 

‘Alright,’ he said, acquiescing. ‘But you should have a rest now.’

‘You’re right,’ she said. She had to admit she was feeling sore. They went out of the room together, but Keiko could not help looking back one last time. Oh she hoped Nerys would like it.

***

Dinner was a quiet affair. Molly talked about the geography lesson she had finished today and asked her parents if they knew which worlds were in which quadrants. Both tried to indulge her, but Keiko sensed the tension in the air. This felt so strangely ordinary, but it was not. Molly picked up on it too, becoming restless.

‘When is Nerys coming?’ she asked. 

‘Later tonight,’ Keiko said. ‘But it’ll be after your bed-time.’ 

Molly shook her head. 

‘No, I don’t want to.’ 

Keiko looked at Miles, who turned to Molly. 

‘Let’s see how it goes, okay?’ 

‘Okay,’ Molly said. ‘Can I go play now?’ 

‘Just put your plate in the replicator.’ 

When she had left the table, Miles turned back to Keiko. 

‘It’s not that long,’ he said by way of explanation. ‘She’ll tire herself out.’ 

‘You’re right,’ Keiko said. She sighed despite herself. Anticipation was weighing on her. Miles pressed her hand. 

Once the table was cleared, they settled in their armchairs to read. Keiko tried, but she could not concentrate. She kept looking over at the door, as if it would make it chime. When she glanced over at Miles, he glanced up from his book and smiled, then returned to his reading. Molly was skipping around the living-room with Momo-san, holding it by its hands. She was singing a Bajoran song she had learned by the biologist on the valley expedition, that involved a dance and clapping your hands. Instead of clapping her own, she brought Momo-san’s hands together, making only a soft thudding noise. Keiko glanced at the chronometer. It was almost half past eight. 

‘Molly,’ she said. ‘Come sit down with me.’ 

‘But we were singing,’ she protested. 

‘It’s a bit late to run around, honey. Come on, you can keep singing.’ 

Molly pouted in protest, but came to sit beside her mother. Keiko put her arm around her and watched as she played with Momo-san. 

‘_Roshi jamor ta-dem? Roshi jamor ta-dem_?’ she sang. ‘_Ka ioss a thar, ka ioss a thar, pe api an atta!_’ 

Did she know or understand the meaning of those words? Keiko wondered. From what she knew, it had been a common children’s song in the refugee camps. _Where is our home? Where is our home? For the son and daughter, for the son and daughter, with our mum and dad._ The tone was jaunty and to a child, the words might seem simple, but Keiko was all too aware of the sadness in them. 

The doorbell rang. Her stomach did a somersault. 

‘Come in,’ Miles said, already at the door. Keiko stood up just as Nerys stepped in. Miles reached for her duffel bag. 

‘I’ll take those for you, Major – oh, Nerys.’ They had still not quite learned. She let him take the bag. ‘Is this all?’ Miles asked. 

Nerys nodded. 

‘I travel light.’ 

Keiko stepped closer. She had planned to be calm and collected, but now she could not keep herself from grinning. 

‘Do you want to see your room?’ she asked. Nerys took a deep breath. 

‘Yes.’ 

Keiko touched her arm, steering her gently towards the room they had prepared. Nerys stepped inside first. A strange stillness had descended. She walked slowly, taking in her surroundings. She stopped by the altar and turned to face them. 

‘Welcome to your new home,’ Keiko said. Nerys smiled and took a deep breath. Keiko thought she murmured something to herself, but she did not catch it. Before she could ask her to repeat it, Molly slipped past them, into the room. Without any preamble, she looked at Nerys and said: 

‘Are you my aunt?’ 

Nerys’ eyes grew. 

‘Well…’ Nerys said, then looking from Molly to her parents. Miles cocked his head. 

‘Sounds right to me,’ he said. Nerys’ face relaxed and, looking at Molly again, nodded. 

‘Aunt Nerys.’ 

‘Aunt Nerys, can I play in your room?’ 

She smiled, so broadly it made laughter-lines around her mouth. 

‘Any time you want.’ 

Molly dropped Momo-san on the floor and climbed up onto the bed. Nerys watched her with a smile. When she looked back at Keiko, it faded. In its place was a look of profound gratitude. 

‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For all of this.’

Keiko smiled. She wanted to answer, but she could not find the right words. It was Miles who spoke instead. 

‘We’re happy to have you.’ 

There was a long silence, bordering on the awkward. 

‘Well,’ he said. ‘We’ll let you get to your unpacking.’ 

He stepped outside. Keiko followed, but she kept her eyes on Nerys for another few moments. She gave her a little wave. Nerys grinned back. It made her stomach flutter. 

As she went to sit down that feeling was replaced with embarrassment. That silly little wave was the kind of thing she might have done when she was at school and did not quite have the courage to talk to her crush. She was thirty-eight – she should not be giddy as a thirteen-year-old. Worse than that, it had been such an obvious thing. She looked over at Miles, expecting some reaction, but be had sat down with a book and looked perfectly content. A flash of something like anger coursed through her. How did he not notice this? The emotions were welling out of her, and he did not see. She wanted him to notice, to react, to be as angry at her as she would be at him if the positions were reversed. 

But it faded fast. He looked up from his book and smiled. She smiled back. Was there not hesitation in her features? Were her emotions only so obvious to her because she knew what they were? Miles had already gone back to reading. Keiko leaned back. She had meant to pickup her own book, but she was so sore the thought of reaching for it was not appealing. Instead, she looked at the bonsai tree on the coffee-table and pondered what pruning it needed. 

‘Mummy?’ Molly came running out of Nerys’ room. 

‘Yes, honey?’ 

‘Where are my pens?’ 

‘They’re on the table in the little room.’ 

‘Thank you!’ She ran into the room leading to the bedroom and reappeared, carrying pens and paper. Keiko followed her with her eyes as she disappeared back into Nerys’ room. When she turned back, she saw Miles had been doing the same. 

‘She seems to be adjusting already,’ he said. 

Keiko smiled. 

‘She does.’ 

Miles got up and sat down in the armchair next to her. 

‘How are you doing?’ 

‘Fine,’ she said. 

‘You look tired.’ 

‘I am.’ 

‘Not so odd,’ he said. ‘You’ve been out and about all day.’ 

‘Mm. Perhaps I overdid it.’ 

Now that she said that, Keiko noticed that it was not just her incisions that hurt. Her feet and knees and shoulders were sore from today’s errands. 

‘Miles?’ 

‘Yes?’ 

‘Would you rub my feet?’ 

He smiled. 

‘I was just thinking that. Hold on a second.’ 

He got up and headed to the bathroom, then returned with a bottle of oil. He pulled his armchair closer. Not needing to the prompted, Keiko kicked off her slippers and put her feet in his lap. She watched with half-closed eye as he warmed the massage oil between his hands. Then he took her foot between both hands and pushed his thumbs against the sole. Keiko let out a sigh of pleasure. Through her lashes she saw Miles smiling. 

She was quiet for a while, lost in the enjoyment of the massage. As she become more used to it, she spoke softly. 

‘How are you?’

‘I’m good,’ he said with a smile. ‘I’ve got my babies home. You’re on the mend. I’m good.’ 

She smiled, a wave of tenderness welling up inside her. 

‘I love you, you know.’ 

His smile grew warmer. 

‘I love you too.’ 

She leaned back and closed her eyes. The soreness in her feet was letting go under Miles’ steady hands. Keiko wondered to herself if they might do something tonight. She was not cleared for vaginal sex – as long as her cervix was still open, that could lead to nasty infections – but there were plenty of other things they could do. Almost as soon as she thought of that, the physical exhaustion made itself known again. She was too sore to consider putting on a strap-on, and even oral, both receiving and performing, required energy she did not have. Besides, the fact that Molly was sleeping just outside their door might kill the mood, but not necessarily. They could lock the door, and they were able to be quiet when they needed to. The bigger question, though, might be their guest. Perhaps Miles would not be comfortable having sex with his superior officer so close? Carefully, she approached the next question – how would she feel about having sex with Miles when Nerys was basically next-door? It was an exciting thought, actually. The thought of fucking her husband while fantasising about the woman asleep on the other side of their quarters sent a thrill down her spine. (Was that infidelity, thinking about someone else while having sex with your spouse? Or could it be excused as an aspect of sexual fantasies that might be unusual but not unnatural?)

Miles started work on her other foot. 

‘Any better?’ he asked. 

‘Tons.’ Keiko glanced over to check that Molly had not entered the room, then looked at Miles. ‘Later tonight, perhaps I can repay the favour.’ 

Miles smiled. 

‘Are you really up to it?’ 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘Nothing wrong with my hands.’ 

Miles grinned. 

‘I might just pick you up on that.’ He went back to massaging her feet. Keiko closed her eyes and sank back in the armchair again. Her mind was mercifully quiet now, content to only feel and not analyse. A feeling of contentment settled over her now. Her body relaxed. She was aware of Nerys moving around and unpacking her things, and Miles’ strong hands kneading her feet. The pain was far less acute now. She flexed her knees a little, trying to ease the stiffness. 

‘Do you want me to keep going?’ Miles asked. 

‘Mm, no, it’s alright.’ She opened her eyes and pulled herself up. ‘What’s the time?’ she asked, putting on her slippers. Miles craned his neck to see the chrono. 

‘Twenty-one hundred.’ 

‘I’ll get Molly to bed, then.’ 

As she approached the door to Nerys’ room, she realised that the sound of unpacking had stopped. Instead, Nerys was sitting down, facing into the room. 

‘Nerys?’ 

She looked up and gestured to her to be quiet, then pointed. Keiko stepped into the room. 

Molly lay curled up on the bed, her pens scattered around her. With every slow breath, she sunk into the bolsters. 

‘I didn’t have the heart to wake her,’ Nerys said quietly. ‘It came over her so quickly.’ 

‘How long as she been asleep?’ Keiko asked. 

‘Ten minutes, maybe.’ 

She looked back at her daughter. She looked so peaceful where she lay. Keiko approached carefully, sat down beside Molly and stroked her hair. 

‘Honey, it’s time for bed.’ 

Molly mumbled something reluctantly. Keiko edged away to the door. 

‘Miles?’ 

Miles looked up from the novel he had picked up again. 

‘Molly’s asleep. Could you…?’

He was already getting up. 

‘Sure.’ He made his way to the doorway quickly, but when he stepped over the threshold, his steps became more careful. Deftly he worked his arms under Molly’s knees and back and lifted her up. Molly’s head slumped against his shoulder. Sleepily, she grasped at the cloth of his uniform. 

‘There, there. Time for bed.’ 

Both Nerys and Keiko watched as he carried her out of the room. Once he was out of sight, Keiko went over to the bed. She sat down and started putting the pens back in the pencil-case. Molly’s art-pad lay where she had left it, open at the drawing she had been working on. The humanoid figure on it was drawn in red. The short hair and three lines on the nose made it easily recognisable, but if there was any doubt of who this was, Molly had drawn a circle on the figure’s stomach containing a small stick-figure with a smiling face. 

Keiko held it up to show Nerys, who smiled. 

‘I saw.’ 

‘She’s really taken a shine to you,’ Keiko observed. Now, Nerys’ smile took on an embarrassed edge. 

‘I’m glad. I was nervous, actually.’ 

‘She’s always liked you,’ Keiko said. ‘You never had anything to worry about.’ 

Nerys came over to sit by her and look at the drawing too. 

‘“Aunt Nerys”,’ she said, trying it out. ‘I like it, I think.’ 

‘You don’t have nieces and nephews, then?’ Keiko asked. Nerys shook her head. ‘Are you an only child?’ 

‘No. I had two brothers,’ Nerys said. ‘Pohl and Reon. Reon was killed by the Cardassians. Pohl went missing a year before the occupation ended. No one knows what happened – except the Obsidian Order, I suppose. I think he’s dead.’ 

Keiko exhaled. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, regretting that she had asked. Nerys shrugged. 

‘At least I had a family. A lot of Bajorans don’t.’ 

Keiko did not answer at once, trying to choose the right words. 

‘I didn’t mean to remind you of that.’ 

‘It’s alright,’ Nerys said sincerely. ‘It’s not like I forget them when people don’t mention them.’ She looked around the room. ‘I was thinking about my family just now, actually. I wondered what my mother would have have said.’ 

‘What do you think she’d say?’ 

Nerys shrugged. 

‘I’m not sure. I was only three when she died. But I think she would have been happy for me. And she would have loved the flowers.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘You like them? I was worried there were too much…’ 

‘No, no,’ Nerys said. ‘They’re wonderful. It’ll be like sleeping in a garden.’ She put her hand on Keiko’s. ‘It’s beautiful.’ 

The touch stirred a strange feeling, equal parts contentment and longing. Keiko smiled back at her, but she felt some force nudging her to move closer. 

She pulled her hand away. 

‘Do you have everything you need?’ Keiko asked. ‘Can I bring you anything?’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘I’ve got everything I need.’ 

‘Good.’ Keiko stood up slowly, not quite trusting her legs. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow morning.’ 

‘I’m on the early shift.’ 

‘So’s Miles. I’ll be awake.’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘In that case, I’ll see you then.’ 

Keiko took a step back, not wanting to turn and lose sight of her. 

‘Good night, then.’ 

Nerys’ eyes sparkled. 

‘Good night, Keiko.’ 

She turned around. If she kept walking backwards, she might walk into something, which might hurt her, wake Molly and make her look like a fool. 

‘Sleep well,’ Nerys said from behind. Keiko looked over her shoulder, finding her still watching. 

‘You too,’ she answered. She had the urge to turn back and continue talking, but if she did, she might never leave. Forcing herself not to look over her shoulder again, she left the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Keiko opened her eyes, not sure what had awoken her. Miles was still asleep beside her, curled up on his side. 

Then she heard it again – a sneeze on the other side of the bedroom wall. Carefully, she got out of bed and went over to the door. Her hand hovered over the door-control. Perhaps the sound would wake Molly. Another sneeze. She opened the door. The little room beyond was dark, and Molly was still asleep. Momo-san had fallen off the bed. With some effort, Keiko leaned down and put it back on the pillow. She could hear something from inside the bathroom now – footsteps and the tap running. Then it stopped. She picked up the sound of the door-control being pushed enough in advance to give her the time to brace herself. The dark in the bathroom rendered Nerys in monochrome. At the sight of Keiko in the other doorway, she jumped and clapped her hand over her mouth. Even if she was aware what was happening, Keiko gave a small, sympathetic jump too. 

She crossed to the bathroom door. 

‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Are you alright?’ 

Nerys took a deep breath and nodded. She was still trembling a little. Reluctant to speak for fear of waking Molly, Keiko pointed towards the living-room. In response, Nerys nodded. Keiko put her hand on Nerys’ back as they left the room. 

‘Computer, lights at seventy percent,’ Keiko said once the door to the little room was closed. The lamps lit, giving off a soft light that spared their eyes. Nerys sat down on the sofa. She was still breathing faster than usual. A nervous laugh escaped her. 

‘I’m sorry if I woke you,’ she said. Keiko sat down beside her. 

‘It’s alright. Is everything okay?’ 

Nerys nodded. 

‘I’m fine. I just keep waking up from the sneezing.’ 

Keiko sighed in sympathy. 

‘I’m really sorry.’ 

Nerys shrugged. 

‘I think I prefer it over nausea,’ she said, then added: ‘But I might change my mind about that in a few months.’ 

Keiko smiled. Nerys smiled back. She had such a decisive, pragmatic personality, but her smile was careful, almost shy, growing slowly until it lit up her face. 

‘Don’t let me keep you up,’ she said. ‘It’s not even oh-four hundred hours.’ 

‘Are you going back to bed?’ Keiko asked. Nerys shrugged. 

‘Not yet, I think.’ 

‘I could keep you company.’ 

Nerys seemed about to argue, but did not. She looked quite grateful. 

‘If you’re sure.’ 

Keiko patted her on the arm. This was not a chore. 

‘Would you like some tea?’ 

‘That sounds nice.’ 

She went over to the replicator and returned with two mugs of green tea. Nerys took the one she offered her with a smile. They sat side by side, cradling their mugs. When Nerys raised hers to her lips, Keiko noticed how her shirt rode up a little, revealing the curve of her stomach. Seeing her watching, Nerys tugged at it. 

‘None of my clothes fit anymore,’ she said. ‘These are the only night-clothes I can still get into. All the others are like this.’ She pinched the sides of the shirt and pulled the fabric taut over her belly. 

‘I might have some things you could try on. I don’t know how well they’d fit, though.’ After all, Nerys was taller, her shoulders were wider and her arms had more muscle. ‘I think I still have a nightgown I wore when I was expecting Molly, and that should be alright.’ 

‘Thanks,’ Nerys said. ‘To be honest I don’t particularly like nightgowns. They’re a lot of work to get out of if I get called to Ops in the middle of the night.’ 

‘They shouldn’t be calling you in the middle of the night at all right now,’ Keiko said. ‘You need your rest.’ 

Nerys rubbed her eyes. 

‘I’m not sleeping very well. Sometimes I feel that getting some work done wouldn’t be a bad idea.’ 

‘Even lying down helps,’ Keiko said, ‘even if it’s frustrating not being able to sleep.’ 

Nerys watched her tea. 

‘I just worry this is going to be bad for the baby.’ 

‘Having trouble sleeping when you’re pregnant is really common,’ Keiko said. ‘When I was pregnant, I kept waking Miles up by accident because I just couldn’t get comfortable. Leg-cramps, you see.’ She paused, waiting for Nerys to speak. When she did not, Keiko continued: ‘Your body is dealing with a lot right now. All those hormones suddenly stirring things up. It’s not so odd if it takes you a while to adapt. Just be kind to yourself.’ 

Nerys smiled weakly. 

‘I suppose you’re right.’ She drained her tea. ‘I think I’ll give it another try.’ 

‘Do that,’ Keiko said, standing up. She reached out for Nerys’ mug at the same time as Nerys reached for hers. They stopped and laughed. 

‘Let’s…’ 

‘Yes.’ 

They went over to the replicator together and put their mugs into it. There, they lingered.

‘I hope you get some sleep,’ Keiko said. 

‘You too,’ Nerys responded. She was the one who turned away first. Keiko turned too. If she did not, Nerys might look over her shoulder on the walk across the living-room. Even the thought of it gave her a flash of embarrassment, but also a thrill. When she opened the door to the little room, she could still hear Nerys behind her, hovering by her own bedroom door.

***

Nerys had left for work by the time Keiko woke. It was just Keiko and Molly at home, like always, but there was a different feeling in the quarters. It was hard to pin down. The closed door leading from the living room had made the quarters smaller. Part of their home was no longer theirs. At the same time, it felt bigger than it had ever been. That door, which usually was only closed when Molly was asleep, now hinted to the change that had happened. A part of Keiko wanted to open it and peer inside, in hopes of seeing Nerys’ belongings there among the flowers she had arranged, but she restrained herself. Nerys deserved her privacy.

The day elapsed as most days did. Molly did her school-work, then sat on the floor and coloured. Keiko tried to read her monograph on lichen, took care of her orchids and pruned her bonsai trees. She pumped enough milk to fill up the stasis container they had borrowed from the infirmary. The early, thicker colostrum had been replaced by ordinary breast milk. She tried to read while pumping, but realised she had lost the knack for it. With Molly, breastfeeding and pumping had been had been the only time she had been able to read, but now, it was not the only quiet time. After a few tries, she gave up on the lichen while pumping and chatted to Molly instead. 

Keiko was just clearing away after dinner when Nerys arrived home. As soon as she came through the door, she let out a huge sigh. 

‘Hi,’ Keiko said. 

‘Hi.’ Nerys sat down on the sofa and started pulling off her boots. 

‘I’m afraid you just missed dinner. Have you eaten?’ 

Nerys threw the boots aside and leaned back. Her eyes drifted shut. 

‘No.’ 

‘I’ll get you something.’ 

‘Let me just lie here for a bit.’ 

Keiko tried hard not to laugh. Nerys was sprawled over the sofa, arms out and head lolling. There was something very amusing about this serious officer without boots, spread-eagled like a tired child. Keiko sat down beside her. 

‘Tough day?’ 

Nerys opened her eyes and pushed herself up into a slightly more dignified position. 

‘Not really. But We found a vole nest.’ 

‘Another one?’ Keiko sighed. 'I thought you got rid of them.'

‘They were hiding out in a shaft in the second cross-bridge. Of course, I didn’t have to do any of the crawling around in the access tunnels. It feels like I did, though. I’m sore all over.’ She groaned and flexed her toes. ‘My feet are so painful.’ 

‘Perhaps you need insoles,’ Keiko said. ‘Or you might be spending too much time on your feet.’ 

Nerys groaned. 

‘I know, I know. They keep telling me to.’ 

Keiko tilted her head. 

‘“They”?’ 

‘Miles. Julian. Captain Sisko.’ Nerys leaned forward to rub her foot. ‘The next time a man tells me what I should be doing, I might hit him.’ 

Keiko laughed. 

‘When I told my friend Data I was pregnant with Molly, he went through every single piece of information about human pregnancy in the ship’s database.’ 

‘That sounds infuriating.’ 

‘A bit,’ Keiko admitted. ‘Mostly it was just sweet. He has this tendency of giving you long dictionary entries on things that came up. Say I rubbed my back. He’d tell me that lower back pain was common in pregnancy – although he’d give percentages. He’d tell me the causes and contributing factors. He’d suggest things to do to relieve it. If you didn’t interrupt him, he could go on for a long time. I don’t know if it was something he had picked up from someone, or how his social programming interacted with the information retrieval. It could get a bit wearing at times, but he didn’t mean anything by it.’ 

‘Wait, information retrieval?’ Nerys said. 

Keiko smiled apologetically – she had gotten ahead of herself. 

‘Data is an android,’ she explained. 

Nerys’ eyes widened. 

‘I didn’t realise the Federation had that kind of technology,’ she said, intrigued. 

‘There’s only Data,’ Keiko said. ‘He’s one of a kind. At least for now.’ It was better, she decided, not to try to explain Lore. 

‘And…’ Nerys broke off, picking her words carefully. ‘What does, uh, he do in Starfleet?’ 

‘He’s an officer,’ Keiko said. ‘Really, if you didn’t know he was an android, you might not be able to tell. He has an odd complexion and a very stiff posture, but other than that…’ 

Nerys’ frown broke into a smile.

‘He sounds a bit like Odo.’ 

Keiko laughed. 

‘In a way. Although Data is very interested in exploring being human.’ 

‘That does not sound like Odo,’ Nerys said. ‘Once I asked him why he didn’t wear an earring. He wasn’t very happy about that.’ 

‘Well, if Data ever comes to visit, you have to meet him,’ Keiko said. ‘He would probably ask a hundred questions about the nature of the _pagh_.’ 

‘I don’t know how much I’ll be able to tell him,’ Nerys admitted. ‘I’m not a religious scholar, really.’ 

Keiko smiled back. 

‘I’ll give you a few weeks’ notice, so you have time to read up.’ 

Nerys laughed. Keiko pressed her shoulder. 

‘Let me get you something to eat. What do you feel like having?’ 

‘Hm…’ Nerys thought for a second. ‘Hasperat stew, please.’ She pushed herself up from the sofa. ‘I’ll get out of this damned uniform.’ 

‘Good idea.’ 

Soon they were sitting at the table, Nerys with her stew and Keiko with a cup of tea. Nerys looked more comfortable now when she was out of uniform, but even the fairly loose tunic was no longer a very good fit. The way Nerys kept flexing her shoulders made it clear that it was bothering her. Keiko waited until she had eaten most of her stew before speaking. 

‘I’ve been thinking about clothes. Miles and I should pay for anything new you need.’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘Thank you.’ 

‘In fact…’ She moved her mug away and put her elbows on the table. ‘How would you feel about going to get some things? Tomorrow maybe?’ 

Nerys put her spoon down and met her eye. 

‘Were you thinking of going to Garak?’ 

Her tone was not quite hostile, but there was an edge that took Keiko aback. Her plan that had seemed so obvious before now felt deeply flawed. She floundered, trying to find what to say. 

‘I did,’ she said finally, putting effort into sounding honest and not belligerent. Nerys picked up her spoon again and poked her stew. Keiko watched her. Could she really blame her for being reluctant? She recalled how she had felt when Miles first told her about Setlik III or when he had been put on trial on Cardassia. She tried to imagine having those emotions against the Cardassians all her life. She thought of her sisters. Imagining anything happening to Aiko and Nanami was painful, but now, she tried to hold onto that hypothetical pain and imagine that she could blame one group of people for it. Would that anger not change her? Even if it was not broader prejudice, she could understand her discomfort. There were plenty of rumours about Garak’s past. At first when Keiko had heard them, she had become wary around him, but she could not get away from the fact that she genuinely liked him. She even felt sorry for Garak. Even if there were people on the station who cared for him – Julian, Odo, maybe even Quark – he always seemed like a lonely presence. 

Nerys slumped, breaking Keiko’s concentration. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I…’ She made a gesture of helplessness. 

‘I understand that it can’t be easy,’ Keiko said, but even before she had finished, Nerys shook her head. 

‘It’s not that he’s Cardassian. At least, not mostly.’ She paused, gathering her thoughts. ‘At times, he is so perfectly friendly and ordinary. And then sometimes I think, “how many Bajoran deaths has that man caused?”’ 

Keiko did not answer. She could not think of anything to say. Nerys sighed. 

‘But perhaps that’s just how it is. None of us came out of the occupation unstained. Not Cardassians, not Bajorans. Not even the Federation. If I start thinking about this, I might just stop being able to trust anyone. Least of all myself.’ 

She closed her eyes hard, fighting back tears, then signed in frustration. 

‘Keiko, I’m sorry. I’m being a terrible bore.’ The tension in her face let go. She put her head in her hands. 

‘Nerys…’ Keiko got to her feet and rounded the table. When she stood at Nerys’s side, she hesitated. She did not want to make it worse by triggering something through touching her, but her instinct was to reach out. Gently, she put her hand on her shoulder. Nerys did not flinch. Keiko put her arms around her. Clumsily, Nerys returned the hug. They held onto each other for a few seconds. Then she pulled back and wiped her tears. 

‘I don’t even know why I’m crying.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘That’s pregnancy for you.’ 

Nerys smiled back, eyes still wet. 

‘I’ll blame it on that, then.’ She rubbed her face. ‘Let’s go tomorrow.’ 

‘We don’t have to,’ Keiko said quickly. ‘I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to…’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘It’s alright. It’s just some clothes.’ 

Keiko relaxed. 

‘Alright.’ 

Nerys leaned back in her chair and stabbed at her stew with the spoon.It had started congealing. 

‘Would you like anything else?’ Keiko asked. ‘Dessert, maybe?’ Nerys did not strike her as someone with a sweet tooth, but she seemed intrigued at the thought. 

‘Golana melon sorbet.’ 

Keiko reached for the plate, but Nerys put her hand out. 

‘No, let me.’ 

‘You’ve been on your feet all day,’ Keiko pointed out. ‘There’s no shame in taking it easy.’ 

‘I just don’t want you to exert yourself.’ 

‘It’s alright. Go make yourself comfortable.’ 

Nerys relaxed. 

‘Okay.’ 

She moved over to the sofa while Keiko got rid of the stew and replicated a bowl of golana melon sorbet. 

‘There you go.’ She sat down beside Nerys and handed her the bowl. 

‘Thank you.’ She grabbed the spoon, but paused. ‘Have you ever had this?’ 

‘I’ve had golana melon,’ Keiko said. ‘It’s nice.’ 

‘Would you like to try some?’ 

It was such a simple suggestion, but it felt positively naughty. She imagined Nerys feeding her a spoonful.

‘Alright.’ 

Nerys filled the spoon. Keiko took the spoon from her and tasted it. 

‘Mmm. That’s interesting.’ She handed back the spoon. ‘I thought it’d be sweeter.’ 

‘It’s not,’ Nerys said. ‘I can’t stand sweet things.’ 

Keiko smiled, happy that her hunch had been right. 

‘I’m the same.’ 

Nerys put a spoonful of sorbet in her mouth and sighed with pleasure. She had almost finished the dessert when Molly emerged from her room, carrying a drawing in one hand and Lupi in the other. 

‘Hello, sweetie.’ 

‘Hello.’ Molly clambered up on the sofa between Keiko and Nerys. ‘Are you having ice cream?’ 

‘Just Nerys,’ Keiko said. 

‘Can I have ice cream?’ 

‘Not today, Molly. It’s a weekday.’ To distract her, she asked: ‘What have you drawn?’ 

‘It’s an elephant.’ 

‘Oh that’s great!’ Keiko took the drawing Molly handed her. ‘Look at its trunk!’ She gave it back. ‘You should show it to Nerys too.’ 

Molly held it out for Nerys to see.

‘You’re really good,’ she said, admiring the elephant. 

‘Do you like drawing, Aunt Nerys?’ Molly asked. 

‘I’m very bad at it,’ she admitted.

‘I can show you how to draw.’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘That might help.’ She put the drawing on the coffee table before turning to look at Molly’s doll that was sitting in her lap.

‘Who’s this?’ she asked and took the doll’s hand. 

‘Her name is Lupi,’ Molly said eagerly. Nerys smiled. 

‘That’s a great name. Where did you get Lupi?’ 

‘Mummy got her on Bajor for my birthday,’ she said. ‘We were in Kortan, and I saw Lupi in a shop, and mummy got her for me. Have you been to Kortan?’ 

‘No,’ Nerys said. ‘I’ve never been to the southern continent.’ 

‘Not ever?’

She smiled broadly at that. 

‘Never. You haven’t been to every continent on Earth, right?’ 

‘No, but I’m little.’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘You’ve got plenty of time,’ she said. ‘Did you like Janitza province?’ 

‘It was pretty,’ Molly said. ‘We saw lots of plants and trees and animals. And we lived in a caravan skimmer, and I got to learn some Bajoran, because there were other kids there, and they only knew Bajoran.’ 

‘Perhaps you can practice with Aunt Nerys,’ Keiko suggested. 

‘That would be fun,’ Nerys said. She was still watching the doll, an odd look in her eye. ’You know, I had a doll much like Lupi when I was a girl.’ 

Molly looked intrigued. 

‘What was it called?’ 

‘She was called Nami.’

‘Where is she now?’ she asked. ‘She and Lupi could meet and play.’ 

‘I don’t know where she is,’ Nerys said earnestly. ‘I lost her.’ 

Molly’s face contracted in anguish. She hugged Lupi closer. 

‘That’s terrible!’ 

Nerys nodded sadly. 

‘Yes. It made me very sad.’ 

‘Were you big or little when it happened?’ 

‘I was pretty small,’ she said. ‘I think I was seven. My mother gave me Nami, so when I lost her, it made me really sad.’ 

‘Did your mummy give you a new doll?’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘No. She died when I was very young.’ 

Molly looked about to cry. Keiko was about to intervene somehow, but then Molly put Lupi aside and wrapped her arms around Nerys. 

‘I’m sorry your mummy died.’ 

Nerys hugged back. 

‘How did she die?’ 

‘She got ill,’ she said, still holding onto Molly. ‘There weren’t any doctors there to help her.’ 

‘Once daddy got ill,’ Molly said solemnly. ‘But Julian was there and he made him all better.’ 

Keiko felt a stab of panic. How did she know about that? Nerys let go of her and looked her in the eye.

‘When was that, Molly?’ 

‘A long time ago,’ she said. ‘He was away and then then he came home but he was ill, but Julian cured him. And I made him a mug as a present. Daddy, not Julian.’ 

Keiko released her breath. Molly was talking about the Harvesters, not the recent suicide attempt. Nerys had clearly made the connection too, and seemed just as relieved. 

‘How old were you when your mummy died?’ Molly asked.

‘I was three,’ Nerys said. 

Molly bit her lip. 

‘I’m four.’ 

Nerys stroked her hair, and Keiko put an arm around her. Molly wrapped her arms around her mother. Her face was pressed into her chest, making her voice sound muffled. 

‘I don’t want you to die, mummy.’ 

That sentence made Keiko feel like she was choking. She hugged Molly hard and buried her nose in her hair. 

‘I’m not going to.’ 

‘Not ever.’ 

‘Not for a very, very long time,’ Keiko said. ‘I promise.’ 

She held her so hard her injuries ached. When she looked up, she caught Nerys’ eye. They were brimming with tears. Keiko reached out. Nerys’ hand met hers halfway. She smiled through the tears. 

Molly moved, breaking the moment. They let go of each other’s hands, moving to let Molly sit better. 

‘It’s getting late, sweetie,’ Keiko said, stroking her hair. 

‘I don’t want to go to bed yet,’ Molly grumbled. 

‘Okay. Let’s do something nice, and then it’s time for bed. What would you like to do?’ 

Molly made a thinking grimace. 

‘Can we watch _Federation Friends_?’ 

‘What’s that?’ Nerys asked. 

‘It’s a kind of educational kids’ show,’ Keiko explained. ‘It’s got characters from different Federation worlds, and they talk about cultures and customs and science. Things like that.’

Nerys nodded in understanding, then turned to Molly. 

‘Are there any Bajoran characters?’ 

Molly lit up. 

‘Yes! But only one. And only in one episode.’ She turned to her mother. ‘Can we watch that one?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘Yes, but first you need to get into pyjamas.’ 

‘Okay.’ Molly handed Lupi to Nerys. ‘She can keep you company.’ 

Nerys smiled at her. 

‘We’ll have a good chat.’ 

Molly jumped off the sofa and ran to her room. Nerys looked down at the doll in her hands, then up to Keiko. 

‘I’m sorry I dredged that up…’ 

Keiko shook her head. 

‘You handled it really well. You were honest with her. That’s the best thing to do when difficult things come up.’ 

Nerys’ smile was pensive. 

‘She shouldn’t have to think about these things yet.’ 

‘She shouldn’t, but she does,’ Keiko said. ‘It’s better to talk about it than make her feel it’s something scary you can’t mention. It’ll make her feel safe.’ 

Nerys relaxed. Keiko did not want to upset her again, but she owed her a warning. 

‘About this episode Molly wants to watch,’ she said, trying and failing not to sound awkward. ‘A lot of it is about wormholes, especially the Bajoran wormhole. They do talk about Bajoran religion, but a lot of it is science. I wanted to tell you now just so…’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘As long as they make some mention of our beliefs, I’m not going to take offense.’ 

Keiko exhaled with relief. She was glad that this was not going to be a source of conflict between them. 

‘Okay.’ 

Molly came out of her room, wearing her purple pyjamas and carrying Momo-san. 

‘Does Momo-san want to watch too?’ Keiko asked. 

‘Yes,’ Molly said, reclaiming her place between them. ‘And Lupi wants to sit with Aunt Nerys, so she’s not sad.’ 

Nerys bit her lip, almost laughing but at the same time looking very touched. 

‘I’m not sad,’ she said. ‘Promise.’ 

‘Well Lupi wants to make sure,’ Molly said emphatically. 

‘Everyone got everything they need?’ Keiko asked. Both Molly and Nerys nodded. ‘Well then.’ She activated the screen and found the right episode. As it started, she put her arm around Molly. To her surprise, she touched not Molly’s shoulders but Nerys’ arm. On instinct, she withdrew, but Molly looked up disapprovingly. 

‘No – both!’ 

She grabbed Keiko’s arm and tried to pull it around her. Keiko laughed. 

‘Okay, both.’ She put her arm behind Molly’s back so that it crossed Nerys’. Nerys caught her eye and smiled. 

They watched the episode without talking much. Nerys had not realised most characters were puppets, and laughed when the first one appeared. When the Bajoran character turned up, Keiko looked over at her to see her reactions. She smiled as she watched the little felt Bajoran telling the other puppets about her planet. When it started explaining the Celestial Temple, she became more concentrated, but there was a sparkle of fascination in her eyes. Once, she looked over at Keiko and smiled broadly. Little by little, they moved closer. It was not even intentional, just a natural side-effect of how Molly had decided they would sit. When Keiko’s arm started falling asleep, she shuffled to the side to be able to move it. Halfway through the episode, Molly started leaning against first Keiko, then Nerys, until she was almost asleep. As she slumped, she became smaller, and Keiko hugged her closer. Like it was the most ordinary thing in the world, Keiko leaned her head against Nerys’ shoulder. Nerys moved her head slightly, brushing her cheek against Keiko’s hair. 

When the credits appeared, Molly was well and truly asleep. Keiko straightened up, more sore than she had been all day. 

‘Molly, come on,’ she said gently. 

Molly grumbled and rubbed her eyes. 

‘Bedtime.’ She took her daughter by the hand. Molly got off the sofa, face scrunched up at the waking world. 

‘Good night, Molly,’ Nerys said. ‘I think you should take Lupi with you.’ 

‘You need to say goodnight to her first,’ Molly said, pouting sleepily. Nerys turned Lupi around and looked her in the eye. 

‘Good night, Lupi.’ She pressed a kiss on the doll’s forehead, then, gently, handed her over to Molly. 

‘Can I have one too?’ Molly asked. 

‘Of course you can.’ Nerys leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her brow. ‘Good night, Molly.’ 

‘Good night, Aunt Nerys.’ Clutching Momo-san and Lupi under one arm, she followed Keiko to bed. She did not even need a bedtime story. As soon as she lay down, she drifted off to sleep. Keiko kissed her brow like Nerys had done and left the room quietly. 

The atmosphere in the living room felt different now. It felt later than it was, but at the same time Keiko felt more awake now than she had half an hour ago. Nerys was sitting upright on the sofa, no longer as tired as when she came off duty. 

‘So, what did you think?’ Keiko asked, sitting down again. 

‘It was very sweet,’ Nerys said. ‘And I never thought I’d see a cuddly Vulcan.’ 

Keiko grinned. 

‘He’s my favourite.’ 

They were quiet for a short while. 

‘What now?’ Nerys asked. 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘How about a game of something?’ Keiko said. 

Nerys looked a little lost. 

‘I don’t really know any games,’ she admitted. 

Keiko frowned. 

‘None at all?’ 

‘I played _chorra_ with my brothers, but that’s all.’ 

If Keiko was not entirely wrong, _chorra_ was a little like checkers. She thought for a while, weighing Nerys’ interests against the necessary aptitude. Then she asked: 

‘Can I teach you a game?’ 

Nerys looked both intrigued and wary.

‘I might be terrible.’ 

‘I don’t think you will be,’ Keiko said honestly. Nerys’ smile widened. 

‘Alright. Teach me.’ 

Getting up, Keiko crossed to a cupboard and got out the wooden game-board bearing a grid-pattern. 

‘Could you help me get those pots out?’ she asked, pointing at the two round pots in the cupboard. 

‘Do we need these too?’ Nerys asked and pointed at the other, larger, game boards. 

‘No. This one will do fine.’ 

She took the pots and carried them over to the sofa. 

‘This is an Earth game called Go,’ Keiko explained, opening one of the pots. Nerys leaned closer to look at the black pebbles that filled it. ‘These are stones. They’re the game pieces.’ 

Nerys reached into the pot. The smooth, lentil-shaped stones clicked together, sounding almost like the trickle of water. She picked up one of them and turned it in her palm, smiling at the sensation. Then she looked up at Keiko. 

‘How do you play?’ 

‘The rules themselves are pretty straight-forward. You place the stones on the board, at the intersections of these lines.’ She took out a black stone and placed it on the board to show her. 

‘And then they move?’ 

‘No. All you do is place them. What can happen is that they can be removed, if they’re taken prisoner. These lines–’ she pointed out the four lines creating the intersection where the black stone was resting ‘–are called liberties. Think of them as supply lines, and the stone as an army.’ She opened the other pot and took out four white stones. ‘A stone, or shape of stones, is captured when it doesn’t have any liberties. In this case, that’s these four.’ She placed the stones around the black stone, then picked it up, leaving the white stones on the board. ‘The objective is to take territory. It’s a game of strategy and logic.’ 

A smile played on Nerys’ lips. 

‘What are the rules?’ 

Keiko removed the stones already on the board. 

‘There are only two of them, really. One is that you can’t put the board back to how it looked the previous round. It’s to make sure you don’t squabble over small territories, and it makes sure the board keeps developing. Like this.’ 

She laid out the most basic board to exemplify the rule: four black stones in a diamond shape, three white stones tracing one side of the diamond. From there, she showed how white could take one of the black stones, reversing the shape, and explained how black had to play somewhere else before retaliating and taking the new white stone.

‘What’s the other rule?’ Nerys asked. 

Keiko cleared the white stones away, leaving the black diamond. 

‘You’re not allowed to make a move that leads to that the stone you place gets taken prisoner.’ Usually, this was called “suicide”, but it no longer felt like a term Keiko wanted to use in the context of a game anymore. ‘Take this for example. You can’t put a white stone here.’ She put her finger on the point between the four black stones. ‘In the example we just looked at–’ she put down the three white stones ‘–as soon as you put down this stone, _this_ stone is taken prisoner, so that doesn’t count under that rule. But if one of these ones weren’t here –’ she removed a white stone ‘– that would not be allowed, because it’s just handing over a prisoner.’ 

Nerys thought this through. 

‘Alright.’ 

‘Those are the rules. The rest is just applications of them.’ 

She looked over at Nerys to see if she was still interested. She was watching the board, deep in concentration. Keiko could almost see her playing out more moves with her eyes. Feeling her watching, Nerys looked up. 

‘So how do you stop it from becoming skirmishes?’

Keiko smiled and took a handful of stones. 

‘I’ll show you.’ 

Nerys listened intently as Keiko explained the intricacies of the game. She taught her about strong and weak shapes, false eyes, ladders and liberties. She went from describing the concepts to using the correct terminology – _miai, seki, atari_. Nerys’ eyes sparkled as she watched the game-board where Keiko demonstrated different manoeuvres. Her posture and her face were taut with concentration, but a smile played on her lips. When Keiko asked her to place stones to create eyes or block an opponent’s moves, it became clear how carefully she had been watching. She took the stone between the nail of her first finger and the pad of the second and clicked it down onto the board. The first few times, the movement was uncertain, and more than once, she disrupted the stones that had already been played. Soon, however, she gained in confidence and the movement became more natural. Her grasp of the game was impressive – Keiko had been right in thinking that she would be good at it. 

They were still going through problems when Miles came home, tired but happy about the curtailing of the voles. 

‘What are you two up to?’ he asked. Then, seeing the board, he lit up. Looking at Nerys, he said: ‘She’s teaching you Go?’ 

‘Starting to, at least,’ Nerys said. ‘Do you play?’ 

Miles sat down in one of the armchairs. 

‘Yes. Keiko taught me when we first started dating.’ 

‘He hurt his shoulder kayaking and was bored out of his mind,’ Keiko supplied. The memory made her smile. After she had taught him the basics, they had spent much time chatting while she played against herself. Eventually, Miles had taken over the black stones. He was fairly good, but Keiko had played since she was twelve. In the six years they had known each other, he had still not defeated her, even if he sometimes thought he would. 

‘Can I see a game?’ Nerys asked. Miles and Keiko looked at each other, mildly surprised. 

‘Sure,’ Keiko said. 

‘Fine by me,’ said Miles. It was he who cleared the board of the stones, then took the pot of black ones for himself. The first move was his. Keiko edged forward in her seat, growing more alert. 

It was a familiar dance. At first, they played quickly, anticipating the other’s moves. Then, steadily, the pace slowed. Keiko was aware how Nerys looked on. For the most part, she simply watched with a focused look on her face. Keiko had thought that go would appeal to the strategist in Nerys, but she could not imagine that this was the face of a commander. Her eyes were bright with attention, her neck extending forward and her chin jutting out as she watched. She was not quite smiling, but there was no tension and no frown. Only occasionally did she speak. ‘Why did you play there?’ ‘That is an eye, isn’t it?’ ‘Wasn’t that _ko_?’ Keiko and Miles both tried to answer, sometimes slowing down to talk through their thinking or to ask her what she most logical next move was. 

The game was won within half an hour. As always, it was Keiko’s victory. 

‘Good game,’ Miles said and extended his hand. Keiko shook it. Then he looked at Nerys. ‘I hope that was a little educational, at least.’ 

‘It was,’ Nerys said. She looked back on the board and pointed at a point in Keiko’s territory. ‘Couldn’t you have invaded here?’ she asked. 

‘Not enough space,’ Miles said. 

‘It would not award him any points,’ Keiko added. ‘Even if he could hold it, I would take enough prisoners that the territory he’d gain wouldn’t make it worth it.’ 

Nerys nodded slowly. 

‘I see. Quite a lot like warfare, then.’ 

‘Yup.’ The word was cut off as Miles yawned. It spread to the two women. When Miles’ yawn had passed, he said: ‘No, time for bed.’ 

‘Sounds like a good idea,’ Nerys said. 

‘You go ahead,’ Keiko said. ‘I’ll clear this up.’ 

‘Sure.’ He stood up. ‘Good night, Nerys. See you in a bit, sweetheart.’ He left the living-room, stifling another yawn with his hand. Keiko pushed herself up with a groan. 

‘Are you okay?’ Nerys asked. 

‘Yeah. Just sore.’ She started picking up the white stones and putting them back in the pot. Nerys took the other pot and collected the black stones. They worked in amicable silence for a while. 

‘So, what do you think?’ Keiko asked. 

‘I like it,’ Nerys said. ‘I don’t know if I _understand_ it, but it’s very interesting.’ 

‘You seem to understand it really well,’ Keiko said. ‘Especially considering you’ve only had a few hours to learn.’ 

Nerys smiled at the praise. 

‘Can we have another session tomorrow?’ she asked.

‘Sure,’ Keiko said. She smiled broader than was probably warranted.

‘Great.’ 

Keiko collected the final stones, and Nerys placed the lids on the pots. 

‘I can put these away,’ she said. ‘I saw where you keep them.’ 

Now, Keiko’s smile was one of gratitude. She felt tired and achy. She still needed to wash, change into her night-clothes and take her evening medication, and even that felt too much. Not having to carry even the relatively light board to the cupboard felt like a relief. 

‘Thank you,’ she said, meaning it. Nerys smiled and shrugged. 

‘It’s no problem.’

A warm feeling rose in Keiko’s chest. 

‘I’m so glad you’re here, Nerys.’ 

‘I’m really glad _I’m_ here,’ Nerys said. She averted her gaze for a second, then looked back with new courage. ‘This was a great suggestion. This –’ she made a large gesture, and Keiko understood that she meant staying here ‘– feels right. I think I would have felt pretty lonely if I’d stayed on my own. Ironically.’ She put her hand on her stomach. 

‘No, I understand,’ Keiko said, then stifled a yarn. ‘I need to go to bed.’ 

Nerys nodded. 

‘Sleep well.’ 

Keiko smiled, the warm feeling inside her blooming. She reached out. Nerys, recognising the gesture, moved closer and reciprocated the hug. 

‘Good night,’ Keiko said. Her cheek lay against Nerys’. When she squeezed a little harder, her nose nudged her earring. 

‘Good night,’ Nerys whispered. When they let go, she slipped her hand down Keiko’s arm and pressed her hand. She had expected her to let go, but instead she took it in both of hers and put it against her stomach. 

‘Good night,’ Keiko said again, not to Nerys this time but the baby. She met Nerys’ eye. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ 

She smiled. She slid her hands free and headed for her room. Keiko turned too. The hand that had rested on Nerys’ belly a moment ago went to her own. The feeling of loss that had been so intense a few days ago was almost gone now. She had gotten back what she had lost – and more besides.


	5. Chapter 5

When Keiko came into the living-room the next morning, Nerys was still at the breakfast table, eating hasperat and reading something on a PADD. Hearing her approach, Nerys looked up and smiled. 

‘Good morning.’ 

‘Good morning,’ Keiko said, heading for the replicator. ‘What are you reading?’ 

‘Oh, nothing interesting. Just this week’s shipping report.’ She put aside the PADD. ‘It can wait.’ 

Keiko sat down at the table just as Miles appeared. 

‘Morning.’ He kissed Keiko on the cheek. ‘I need to run. The voles have made it into one of the cargo bays.’ When Nerys made to stand up, he shook his head. ‘The captain just asked for me. We’re going to try that directional sonic device we were thinking of trying last time.’

Nerys sank back in her chair. She looked a little frustrated, but also rather relieved. 

‘I’ll see you in Ops,’ she said. Miles nodded.

‘See you there.’ 

He left. For a little while, the quarters were quiet. Molly was still asleep, and Nerys was concentrating on her breakfast. Keiko hesitated to break this silence. Nerys had only lived here for a couple of days, but this felt so familiar. This was the most natural thing in the world. That feeling sent a jolt of panic through her. She decided to speak. 

‘Are we going clothes-shopping today?’ 

Nerys nodded. 

‘Yes. Do you have anything else planned for today?’ 

‘I have a physiotherapy appointment at eleven, but other than that just the usual.’ 

‘We could meet for lunch, and then go,’ Nerys suggested. Keiko smiled. 

‘That sounds great.’ 

Nerys took the last bite of the hasperat and pushed aside the plate. 

‘You know, I don’t really know what the usual is for your days.’ 

‘It all depends,’ Keiko said. ‘Mostly, I’m here. I make sure Molly does her school-work. The whole curriculum is on the computer. I read, or write articles. I tend my plants. Sometimes, I go to the lab to borrow the equipment, if Dax isn’t busy.’ 

Nerys watched her as she spoke. The laughter lines at her mouth were appearing as her smile widened. 

‘Do you miss the arboretum on the _Enterprise_?’ 

Keiko smiled, surprised. 

‘How do you know about the arboretum?’ 

‘Miles told me about it once,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine trees on a spaceship.’ 

‘It was breathtaking,’ Keiko said. ‘It took me a few months to get used to it. Did you ever get the opportunity to see the _Enterprise_?’ 

Since the Federation took over the station, the flagship had docked twice, both times within a year of the take-over. The first time, she had been onboard as they approached. She recalled the feeling of disappointment and fear when she had first caught sight of the Cardassian-built station through the windows in Ten Forward. The second time, she had been too busy with setting up the school to meet any of their friends, but she had received a long communiqué from Data about the work he had done together with Julian. It had been one of the things, she thought, that had made her warm to the young doctor quicker than Miles had. 

‘I only saw it on the view-screen,’ Nerys said. ‘I never went aboard. I wish I had.’ 

‘It’s strange, thinking about it being gone,’ Keiko said. It gave her a similar feeling to when she had found out that the first house she had lived in when doing her PhD in California had been torn down after an earthquake. It was a sense of loss, not of a person but of a place. Thinking of the arboretum, Ten Forward, the first quarters she had sheared with Miles, and reminding herself that they were all gone gave her memories and odd, surreal quality. 

Nerys put her hand on her arm, rousing her. Keiko gave her hand a quick squeeze and smiled. Neither had to say anything. Nerys knew that feeling that had beset her. 

‘Arboretums are wonderful, but it’s nothing compared to the real thing,’ Keiko said. ‘I’m so lucky to have been able to do the work I’ve done on Bajor and in the gamma quadrant. Torad V could trigger a paradigm shift in exobotany.’ 

Did Nerys’ smile become a little tenser at the mention of Torad V? 

‘I’m glad it lived up to your expectations,’ she said. Keiko grinned. 

‘It exceeded them!’ She thought of the notes she had made there and the samples she had collected. It cut through her excitement. ‘Nerys?’ 

Nerys looked up, alarmed. 

‘What’s the matter?’ 

Keiko shook her head – nothing was wrong. Not really. 

‘Do you know what happened to my samples?’ 

Nerys relaxed a little, then shook her head. 

‘I have no idea. Sorry.’ 

That was not so strange, Keiko reflected. Nerys too had been sedated by the time they arrived at the station. With two patients to tend to, Julian had probably not thought of it either. Keiko tried to think back to before she was injured. She recalled thinking about the crates containing the samples, but now she could not remembered if she had checked if they were properly strapped down. Sample-cases were built from sturdy alloys, and they were supposed to stay intact if dropped or thrown, but she did not know if they would survive an asteroid collision. 

The thought that the samples were lost – destroyed in the accident or thrown out by some overzealous engineer – made her stomach twist painfully. If that was the case, she would have to go back to Torad V, but it would be a few months until she was well enough to go off on such an expedition. Even then, it might not be possible. Even if she was medically cleared, Miles would be reluctant, considering what happened last time. And what of Nerys? She could not come with her. It hurt to think of leaving her here. Besides, who knew what the situation in the gamma quadrant would be in a few months? There was the constant risk of war. Even if Keiko could go back within two or three months, it might be long enough for someone else to preempt her discoveries. It would not be her papers to publish and species to name. That would fall to someone else. 

‘What do you think could have happened to them?’ Keiko asked. Nerys leaned back in her chair, absentmindedly putting her hand on her belly. 

‘They would have removed all the cargo before making any major repairs. If the containers were broken, they would have disposed of them, but there would be a record of that.’ 

‘And if they were intact?’ 

‘I’m not sure,’ Nerys admitted. ‘Usually, if the person responsible for the cargo can’t claim it, someone from the same team would do it instead, but that doesn’t really apply here. They might have put it in storage, or maybe taken them to the science labs, if they knew what the contents were.’ 

‘I double-checked the tags on the crates,’ Keiko said. ‘They should be able to identify them.’ 

‘Where do you usually keep your samples?’

‘It really depends. When the samples are fewer, I’ll store them here, but my plan was to take them to the lab, as these were so bulky.’

‘There will be a record of what was done,’ Nerys said. Her tone and her appearance was incongruous. She spoke with authority, like Keiko imagined she would discuss anything relating to the station, but she did not look the part of a liaison officer. She was only half in uniform and her hair was still tousled. As she spoke, she rubbed her hand over her belly. 

‘Do you think you could find out what happened to them?’ Keiko asked. 

‘Of course,’ Nerys said. ‘It should be easy to do, as long as everyone has done their jobs.’ 

Keiko sighed with relief. 

‘I hope they have.’ 

Nerys smiled back. Then she looked up and said: 

‘Computer, time?’ 

‘_The time is oh-seven forty-three and eighteen seconds._’ 

‘I should get going,’ Nerys said and got up. 

‘Alpha shift doesn’t start for another forty-five minutes,’ Keiko pointed out. 

‘I like to be there before my shift starts.’ 

Keiko smiled, resigned but not altogether surprised. 

‘Just don’t tire yourself out.’ 

‘Don’t worry,’ Nerys said with a smile. ‘I’m going to take a long lunch.’ 

Now, Keiko’s resignation disappeared, and her smile became genuine. 

‘Well then.’ 

‘Shall we meet at the replimat?’ 

Keiko nodded. 

‘I should be done by twelve-hundred hours.’ 

Nerys nodded back, sealing the deal. 

‘I’ll see you then.’ She turned and made for her room. Following her lead, Keiko picked up her tea cup and retreated into the bedroom. She tried to turn her attention to more mundane things – what to wear, when to wake Molly, whether to continue the lichen monograph or not. From the other side of the bedroom door, Keiko could hear Nerys step out of her room, go into the bathroom, then coming out again and saying a brief good morning to Molly. Keiko was tempted to open the door and look at her as she left, but she closed her hands around her cup and resisted the urge.

***

A little before twelve o’clock, Keiko stiffly made her way from the infirmary to the replimat. Physiotherapy was draining, but at least it made her feel like she had accomplished something. The physiotherapist seemed pleased with her progress, even if they did not say it in so many words.

Nerys was already at the replimat. When she caught sight of Keiko, she waved. Her face had split into a grin. Keiko waved back. As soon as she was within earshot, Nerys said: 

‘I found them!’ 

It took a few seconds for Keiko to understand what she was saying. She had not expected her to find the samples so fast. 

‘Really?’ 

Nerys nodded. 

‘They’re in the science labs. I asked Dax to check on them. She says they’re fine.’ 

Keiko sighed with relief. 

‘That’s great news.’ 

Nerys’ smiled widened, and crow’s feet formed by her eyes. 

‘I’m glad I could help.’ 

‘You do it a lot,’ Keiko said. Nerys laughed. 

They had lunch while talking about things of no consequence. They discussed the computerised school program Molly was doing, the progress of the vole hunt and the history of Go. Keiko had not had a meal outside of her quarters since being discharged from the infirmary, so the change of scene was welcome. More than that, having lunch on the promenade with Nerys felt liberating in some way. Their connection – whatever it was – was not something to hide away behind closed doors. There was no need now for the vague explanations she had given the vendors when decorating Nerys’ room. Being with her in public, eating and chatting and, on occasion, even touching, felt natural. If anyone stared, Keiko did not notice. 

They continued talking when they walked across the promenade to Garak’s shop. As they stepped inside, the conversation trailed off. Keiko sensed Nerys becoming a little more alert. The tailor shop was empty, but there was the sound of a sewing machine running in the backroom. They exchanged a glance. Keiko approached the place where the shop gave way to a darker area, filled with bolts of fabric. 

‘Hello?’ she called. 

The sound of the sewing machine stopped and Garak appeared in the shadows of the backroom. When he caught sight of of Keiko, his solemn face broke into a smile. 

‘Professor O’Brien! This is a surprise.’ Stepping into the shop, he noticed Nerys. ‘And Major Kira! What a delight!’ 

Nerys smiled tersely. 

‘Hello, Garak.’ 

Clasping his clawed hands, he looked from one to the other. 

‘What can I do for you, ladies?’ he asked. 

‘We’re looking for some clothes for Nerys,’ Keiko explained. Garak’s hands fell. 

‘Why of course. I should have anticipated it. Is there anything in particular?’ 

Keiko looked to Nerys. 

‘I need uniforms, something civilian, and some sleepwear.’ 

‘Excellent.’ Garak took the tape-measure that had been slung around his neck. ‘May I?’ 

Nerys took a deep breath, then nodded. Keiko stepped aside, but made sure not to leave Nerys’ field of vision. She offered her a smile, which she returned, a little uncertain but genuine nevertheless. 

‘I must say, Major,’ Garak said as he worked, ‘you are positively glowing. Pregnancy becomes you.’ 

Nerys caught Keiko’s eye and suppressed a laugh. Keiko shrugged minutely – she had not idea what to respond to that. Garak continued. 

‘But, I grant you, when it comes to clothing, it is quite the problem. My people are spared that, at least.’ He glanced over at Keiko. ‘You see, Professor, Cardassians lay their eggs after only three weeks. There is no need to invest in clothing specifically for such a short time.’ 

‘Isn’t that just that Cardassians prefer their wives to always be gravid?’ Nerys said, annoyance leaking through. 

‘You exaggerate, Major,’ Garak said, sounding theatrically hurt. ‘A Cardassian wife might also nest.’ 

Nerys looked like she was about to deliver a retort, but she was cut off by a sneeze. 

‘Oh dear, the curse of Bajoran pregnancies,’ Garak said. He put the measuring-tape back around his neck and went over to a chest of drawers. He returned holding a handkerchief. ‘Please. With my compliments.’ His tone was still as affected as before, but the gesture was genuine. Nerys accepted the handkerchief. 

‘Thank you.’ 

She wiped her eyes and nose, then sneezed again. Keiko smiled in sympathy. Garak finished taking the measurements. 

‘There is not an official pattern for a pregnancy uniform, if I’m not mistaken,’ he said. ‘But the alterations are simple. We can simply make a variant of the jacket-and-trouser version.’ He picked up a PADD and stylus. Once finished, he handed the PADD to Nerys. ‘The only difference would be these triangular sections,’ he said, pointing with the stylus. ‘I can make sure that it is large enough that it will not need alterations later on. In the meantime, the fabric will fall in folds. It will be rather a fetching look.’ 

Nerys nodded and handed back the PADD.

‘Good.’ 

‘How many will you be needing?’ 

‘Two should do it,’ Nerys said. ‘When can you have them done?’ 

‘At the earliest, tomorrow afternoon,’ Garak said. ‘Had you not been as far along, I would have been able to finish them by tomorrow morning, but with something like this–’ he gestured with the PADD ‘–there is no way I can simply alter an existing uniform. It will have to be sewn from scratch.’ 

Nerys sighed, but said: 

‘Tomorrow afternoon will work.’ 

‘Now, pyjamas should be quicker,’ Garak said. ‘It will, at most, be a question of alterations.’ He picked a pyjama jacket from one of the display table. It shimmered in the light. ‘Artelian silk – very kind to the skin.’ 

Keiko reached out and touched it. It was so supple it felt indecent. Nerys did not even feel them, just shook her head. 

‘No.’ 

‘Then maybe something a little more rustic,’ he said. ‘Bajoran linen, perhaps. This set is my own creation, and I still have some left of the fabric, so alterations will be quick.’ Putting down the silk pyjamas, he instead picked up a set much like the one Nerys already had. The off-white jacket did not have any collar or buttons, but had a broad, high neckline that made it possible to pull over your head. The material looked coarse, but Keiko found it was surprisingly soft to the touch. This time, Nerys felt it too. 

‘This is very nice,’ she said. Garak positively beamed. 

‘In that case, would you mind trying it on?’ He placed the pyjamas in her hands and gestured to the changing-room. Nerys stepped through – she was much more at ease than only a few minutes ago. 

When the curtain to the changing-room was pulled into place, an awkward silence fell. It was Garak who spoke first. 

‘Would you like to sit down, Professor?’ He crossed the shop and carried a chair over to where Keiko was standing. 

‘That’s very kind of you.’ She sat down. 

‘To be frank, I was surprised to see you on your feet already,’ Garak said. ‘My impression was that your injuries were quite severe.’ 

‘They were, but I am healing well.’ 

Garak’s smile looked a little more heartfelt. 

‘The inimitable Doctor Bashir,’ he said. ‘I wonder how many on this station owe him their lives.’ 

Keiko wondered about that. She knew that Garak had been very ill a few years back, but she had no idea what had been wrong. There had been rumours about drugs, but with Garak, it was probably something more complicated than that. 

He had not seemed to notice her hesitation. 

‘And among them, I understand, is your own child,’ he said. ‘For the life of me I had never thought that moving an unborn child would be possible, least of all from a human to a Bajoran.’ 

‘It’s not a common procedure,’ Keiko said non-commitally. 

‘Nevertheless,’ Garak said, ‘it was astute of Doctor Bashir to think of it in such a pressing situation. If there is ever a war, he will be much sought after.’ He moved over to the table and started refolding the silk pyjamas. The rings of the curtain jangled when Nerys stepped out of the changing room. Keiko did not hide her relief well. 

‘How did we get on?’ Garak asked. 

‘It’s not a very good fit,’ Nerys said. She had her arms wrapped around herself, shielding the way that the pyjama jacket left half her belly uncovered. Keiko imagined the trousers were equally small. 

‘That is easily rectified.’ Garak walked around Nerys to study the clothing. ‘I can deliver this by this evening.’ 

‘Thank you,’ Nerys said, sounding grateful for real. When she went to change back into her uniform, Keiko was relieved that Garak did not speak. As they waited, she browsed the rack of hangers. There was a green civilian tunic that she thought would fit Nerys if it was taken in at the shoulders. When Nerys came out of the changing-room, she held it up to show her. 

‘What do you think?’ 

‘I like it,’ Nerys said, coming closer to look at it. She lingered at the woven ribbon around the neckline. 

‘The ribbons are from the Toroma monastery in Rakantha province,’ Garak said. ‘I have a selection, if it speaks to you.’ 

‘It does,’ Nerys said. ‘Could you maybe make a few more like this one? Maybe in different colours?’ 

‘Naturally,’ Garak said, lowering his head in a slight bow. ‘Although with the uniforms, it may take me a few days to sew them up.’ 

’That’s not a problem.’ 

‘Do you need anything else?’ Garak asked. ‘Some trousers, maybe? Or a skirt?’ 

‘Trousers,’ Nerys said. ‘But nothing too tight.’ 

‘I can sew something with a draw-string.’ 

‘That sounds great.’ 

‘Very well.’ Garak retrieved a PADD. ‘I have another set of pyjamas in the same style that I can adjust, if you want two.’ 

‘Yes please.’ 

‘So.’ He tapped out the order. ‘Two sets of linen pyjamas, with alterations. Two Bajoran uniforms, command red, alternative pattern. And the tunics and trousers?’ 

Nerys looked to Keiko. 

‘Three of each?’ Keiko said. ‘You don’t want to run out.’ 

‘Let’s say three, then,’ Nerys said. 

‘Excellent.’ Garak added it to the PADD. ‘To whom do I present the bill?’ 

‘Me,’ Keiko said. 

‘Your thumb-print, Professor.’ He proffered the PADD. Keiko took it and pressed her thumb to the reader. It dinged, accepting the print. He nodded his thanks when she handed the PADD back. ‘I will have the clothes sent to your quarters as they are finished.’ 

‘Thank you, Garak.’ 

‘My pleasure, Professor.’ 

They said their goodbyes and left the shop. When they were out of earshot of the shop, Nerys looked over at Keiko. 

‘_Your_ quarters.’ 

‘Sorry?’ Keiko said, thinking she had missed something. 

‘He said “_your_ quarters”,’ Nerys said. 

‘Maybe he meant my quarters, or mine and Miles’ quarters,’ Keiko said. 

‘Still,’ Nerys said, frowning. ‘It would only make sense if he knew that I was staying with you.’ 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘People talk. It’s probably inevitable.’ 

When she looked over at her, she saw how Nerys worried her lip. 

‘Does that bother you?’ she asked, quietly enough that only Nerys would hear her. Nerys’ shoulders slumped. 

‘“Bother” might be the wrong word,’ she said. ‘I just don’t want the rumour-mill to get hold of it.’ 

Keiko weighed her options. She understood that Nerys needed to have the respect of her subordinates, and their living-situation now was unconventional. But what could they say that would be that bad? She might not want to admit it, but she knew what things Nerys worried about. She became aware of her hand, half raised as if to take Nerys’. 

‘I need to get back to Ops,’ Nerys said, but did not move.

Keiko’s hand still remained in the air. Her impulse was to peck her on the cheek, like she would say goodbye to Miles. But was that not exactly what Nerys worried about? She let her hand fall. 

‘I’ll see you later, then,’ Keiko said. ‘Will you be home for dinner?’ 

‘I hope so.’ 

Nerys took a step back. 

‘See you later.’ 

She turned and headed for the turbolift. Keiko lingered, watching her step onto it and give the command. Before the doors closed, she caught sight of Nerys smiling at her.

***

They were four at the dinner table that evening. Molly told them about the games she had played with the Fredrikson children and asked both Miles and Nerys a lot of questions about Cardassian voles. After dinner, Miles played with Molly while Keiko and Nerys played a game of Go. As Molly’s bedtime approached, Miles got up and looked at the game-board. He made a grimace. An unhelpful reaction, Keiko thought, but not unwarranted – Nerys had yet to learn how to play the long game.

‘Come on, Molly,’ he said. ‘Time for bed.’ 

‘I don’t wanna,’ Molly whined. 

‘I’ll read you a story.’ 

She reached her hands up and he pulled her to her feet. 

‘Do you want to say goodnight to mummy and Aunt Nerys?’ 

Molly squeezed in between the sofa and the coffee table.

‘Good night, mummy. Good night, Aunt Nerys.’ She kissed them both on the cheek, struggling a little to reach. 

‘Good night, Molly.’ 

‘Good night, sweetie.’ 

Molly went back to her father and took his hand. As they walked to her room, Miles bent down a little, like he used to do when she was even smaller. Keiko smiled at the sight. Then they stepped out of sight, and she turned her attention back at the game. 

‘Can I give you a tip?’ she asked.

‘Sure.’ 

Keiko pointed to a cluster of black stones, partly surrounded by white. 

‘This is a weak shape,’ she said. ‘How many liberties does it have?’ 

Nerys leaned forward and counted the free lines leading from the black stones. 

‘Five.’ 

‘And this is nine stones,’ Keiko said. Nerys was already nodding. 

‘That’s too few.’ 

‘So what should you do different?’ 

Nerys considered it.

‘If I put them beside each other, I eat into my own liberties.’ 

‘Exactly,’ Keiko said. ‘You’ve filled up the inside of it, so you can’t create any eyes with this shape. 

Nerys exhaled, seeing her mistake. 

‘Yes, I see now.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘So what should you do there?’ she asked, pointing at two black stones on their own. 

Nerys took a new stone and hesitated. Her hand hovered over the spot directly beside the stones, then moved to the side and placed the stone one intersection away. 

‘Good!’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘Can we start over?’ she asked. ‘I’m embarrassed by that.’ She gestured at the shape Keiko had criticised. 

‘You shouldn’t be,’ Keiko said. ‘This is just your second game. But this would have been over pretty soon anyway.’ 

They were picking the stones off the game-board when Miles came out of Molly’s room. 

‘Is she asleep?’ Keiko asked quietly. 

‘Just about,’ Miles said. ‘I need to run. I’ll be back in an hour or so.’ He kissed Keiko and patted Nerys on the shoulder. ‘Enjoy your game.’ 

‘Have a good session,’ Keiko called after him as he left. She turned back to the game-board and picked up a handful of stones. 

‘Where is he going?’ Nerys asked. 

‘Therapy,’ Keiko said. They separated the black and white stones for a few minutes without speaking. Nerys shifted, looking uncomfortable. 

‘How is he doing?’ she asked after a while.

‘Much better,’ Keiko said. ‘I don’t know how much you know about what happened…’ 

Nerys sighed. 

‘I know that things got bad for him.’ 

‘It really did.’ The thought of it twisted inside her. She pulled herself back from it. ‘But he is on the mend. Some days I almost forget any of it happened.’ 

‘How much does Molly know?’ Nerys asked quietly.

‘We talked to her about it,’ Keiko said. ‘Not the details, mind. Just that some scary things happened when he was away, and we had to be extra kind, and that sometimes being sad can make grown-ups seem angry even if they’re not.’ 

‘Does she seem to understand it?’ 

‘More or less.’ 

Nerys took the last stones from the board. 

‘Do you think it’s helping? The therapy.’ 

‘Oh yes,’ Keiko said. ‘Definitely. Some of it is the medication, of course, but I think it’s very good for him.’ 

Nerys picked the last black stones from the ones she was holding, then poured the white stones into their pot. 

‘Julian wants me to see a counsellor.’ 

Keiko froze, the lids of the pots still in her hands. She put them down and turned to Nerys.

‘Do you not want to?’ she asked. 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘I can’t imagine talking to some stranger about my innermost feelings. It doesn’t seem right. And I don’t see how it’d help.’ 

‘It _can_ help,’ Keiko said, keeping her tone light. She did not want to press Nerys into anything, but she could offer he own experiences. ‘Counsellors won’t demand you tell them things, and they won’t tell you what you should do. Most of the work happens in your own head. Talking about things - or just saying them out loud - can help put them in perspectives.’ She paused, giving herself some time to change her mind if she did not actually want to tell her this. ‘I experienced some bad things on the _Enterprise_, and talking to the ship’s counsellor is what I think kept me in one piece. The counsellors here on the station are really good too.’ 

Kira looked at her. 

‘You’ve seen them?’ 

She nodded. 

‘After the school was bombed, I saw Telnori for a while. Right now, I’m seeing T’Lar. It’s helping.’ 

Nerys changed how she was sitting. First, she tried to pull her knees up against her chest, as Keiko had seen her do in the past, but she could not sit that way comfortably anymore. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself. The distress was deeply etched into her face now. She looked about to speak, then retreated into herself. 

‘Nerys? 

Nerys looked up at her. 

‘Are you alright?’ 

Her lip trembled. Tears rose in her eyes. 

‘Oh Nerys.’ Keiko put her arms around her. Nerys melted against her, sobbing into her chest. Keiko stroked her hair. ‘Ssh, it’s alright,’ she said, but she knew it was not. Nerys cried with such force that her entire body shook. She hugged herself harder, as if trying to keep herself still. When she tried to speak, all she managed was a high-pitched keening sound. Keiko held her harder. After a long time, her voice broke through her sobs. 

‘If I start talking…’ She gulped, the sobs overcoming her again. Keiko rubbed her back and hushed her. Nerys sat up in frustration and wiped her eyes. She took some deep breaths, and the sobs turned instead into shallow breaths. ‘If I start talking about what I’ve been through, I don’t know if I could stop. It might all…’ She put her fists against her chest and, opening them, brought them away from her, mimicking an explosion. ‘…burst out of me.’ 

Keiko exhaled. 

‘I’m so sorry, Nerys.’ She chewed her lip. She was hesitant to push, but now this felt like an issue that was bigger than not wanting to annoy her. ‘I understand that talking about it is the last thing you want to do, but keeping it inside isn’t always a good idea.’ 

Nerys shrugged. 

‘It’s worked this far.’

Keiko stopped herself from saying “has it?”

‘Things are different now, though,’ she said instead. ‘Pregnancy takes an emotional toll. You’ve got all those hormones changing things up.’ 

Nerys sighed. 

‘I know. Julian’s told me. But maybe that’s another reason I’m afraid of talking to someone. I don’t really trust my own reactions. I don’t know how I’d respond.’ She snorted in frustration. ‘I’ve cried more the last few days than the past year.’ Then the frustration disappeared, and the resignation set in again. ‘There’s this dream I’ve been having for years,’ she said. ‘I’m in some kind of Cardassian prison camp, and I’m planning how to get out. I try everything and nothing works. I’ve had it twice in the past week, and… it’s the same dream, only I’m pregnant, and that changes the whole thing. I’m trying to hide it from the Cardassians, because I’m afraid what they’ll do to me if they find out. I keep thinking of reasons I can’t escape in different ways. I find some kind of tunnel, but I can’t get through it. I realise I can’t climb up the walls and leap down, because it’d hurt the baby. And all the time I’m thinking “what if I don’t get out in time? Can I give birth without them knowing? How do I protect the baby? If they find out…”’ 

She broke off. Keiko had listened to intently that she had not realised until now that she was crying. Quickly, she wiped her eyes. 

‘I’m sorry,’ Nerys whispered. 

‘You don’t have to apologise,’ Keiko said, covering Nerys’ hand with hers. ‘There’s nothing to apologise for. I’m just so sorry you’ve had to go through all these things.’ She swallowed, hesitating again. ‘I don’t want to force you into anything, but… the other thing pregnancy does is that it gives you a new perspective on things. You’re creating a life inside of you. Whatever you’ve been through, you have so much in your future, and you’re doing something so good for me and Miles, and Molly, and this little person.’ She gestured towards Nerys’ stomach. Nerys smiled. 

‘Maybe.’ 

‘Does Bajoran religion have any practice of pastoral care?’ Keiko asked. 

‘What does that mean?’ 

‘Could you talk to a monk or a vedek about these things?’ 

‘I could,’ Nerys said. ‘I’d need to find someone to trust.’ 

‘That is important,’ Keiko said and pressed her hand. ‘And it helps. And whatever you decide to do, things aren’t like they’ve been. You have friends, a support network. You’ve got us, and Sisko and Julian and Odo and Shakaar.’ 

At the last name, Nerys’ face contracted in an ill-hidden grimace. Keiko stopped in her tracks. 

‘What’s the matter?’ she asked. Nerys looked away. ‘Are things not… going well with Shakaar?’ 

‘It’s not like that,’ she said. ‘Not really, anyway.’ She moved, breaking all physical contact. ‘I have’t talked to him for about two weeks.’ She bit her lip, then clarified: ‘He doesn’t know I’m pregnant.’ 

Keiko stared at her. Nerys turned her head away. 

‘You don’t have to say it.’ 

Her shock receded now. 

‘Say what?’ Keiko asked gently. 

‘That I should have told him as soon as it happened,’ she said. ‘But how do I explain this?’ She leaned back and exhaled in annoyance. Keiko leaned back too. 

‘It’s not an easy thing to explain,’ she agreed. She was glad that she had not had to explain it to anyone. Miles had told her parents, and even if she had been there when they had talked to Molly, Miles had done most of the talking. 

‘I don’t even know where to begin,’ Nerys admitted. ‘If I start by explaining about the accident, he’ll start questioning why I did what I did and how I could have done it differently. If I start by saying that I’m pregnant, he’s going to assume it’s his. Imagine trying to explain that it’s not, but not for the usual reason.’ She put her head back. ‘I just don’t know how to do it.’ 

Keiko mirrored her and turned her head to face her. 

‘Would he really question your actions?’

Nerys sighed. 

‘Yes. He picks it apart, makes you justify every little thing. It’s how he’s always done things. It’s the kind of habit that is hard to get out of, I guess.’ 

‘But he’s not the leader of your resistance cell,’ Keiko said, barely bothering to hide her disapproval. ‘He’s your partner.’ 

‘I was his subordinate far longer than I’ve been his partner.’ 

Keiko sat up straight again. She was close to speaking her mind. Shakaar had been in a position of power over Nerys since she was thirteen, and it was odd enough to have a relationship with her now. If he was still treating her in the same way he had back then, when they had been fighting a guerrilla war, that veered into far more serious territory. It elicited something fiercely protective in her. She did not want anyone to treat Nerys like that. 

‘That’s not a reason for him to criticise everything you do,’ she said. 

‘It’s not really criticising.’ 

‘Nerys, why are you defending him for this?’ Keiko asked. ‘He doesn’t have any right to tell you what to do with your life or your body. Never mind if you’re dating. He doesn’t have any say in this.’ 

Nerys sank a little further into the sofa.

‘I don’t think you can understand it if you’ve never been in that situation,’ she said. ‘I owe him so much.’ 

‘You might feel indebted to him, but that doesn’t mean you owe him anything,’ she said. ‘And that includes telling him about this.’ 

She looked over at her. 

‘Don’t you think he has a right to know?’ 

‘Usually I’d say yes, but you clearly don’t want to tell him.’ 

Nerys made an indecisive grimace. 

‘I do want to, but… at the same time, I don’t. But…’

‘Nerys, you’re the one who’s pregnant,’ Keiko said. ‘Shakaar has nothing to do with this.’

Nerys looked at her. 

‘Even if he’s my partner?’ 

‘That doesn’t give him any right to decide what you do with your body.’ 

She still looked uncertain. Keiko felt the need to change the subject – she did not want to keep pushing if it would mean that Nerys would get more upset. 

‘You don’t have to make any decisions right now,’ she said. ‘If you want to call Shakaar, it’s probably a better idea to do it when you’re not this tired.’ 

Nerys relaxed. 

‘You’re right.’ She slumped back against the sofa and closed her eyes. She looked almost asleep. Then she shifted uncomfortably, hand going to her stomach. 

‘Is he kicking?’ 

She took Keiko’s hand and pressed it against her stomach. Through the abdominal wall, she felt that familiar squirming. When Keiko looked up at Nerys, she found her frowning.

‘Do you think I’ve upset him?’

Keiko shook her head. 

‘No. It doesn’t work that way,’ she said gently. ‘I don’t know if a foetus this young can be upset or happy, really. The brain isn’t very developed yet. Besides, he don’t have much experience of anything.’ 

‘Is he aware of what goes on out here?’ Nerys asked. 

‘Some of it,’ Keiko said. ‘He can definitely hear loud sounds. Molly used to react to music.’

Nerys smiled.

‘We should try that sometime.’

‘We should,’ Keiko agreed. She watched her for a long while. She felt the urge to come closer. It was like she could see the outline where she would fit. Giving into it, she edged towards her. Nerys looked up. Her smile seemed to beckon her. Keiko settled against her side and put her hand on Nerys’ stomach again. She did not have to wait long before she felt a kick. Nerys smiled.

‘He’s saying hello.’ 

Keiko smiled too. Nerys moved her hand and covered Keiko’s. 

‘He seems excited to have his mother near.’ 

Keiko looked at her. 

‘You know he’ll remember your voice, after he’s born?’ 

Nerys looked intrigued. 

‘Really?’

Keiko nodded. 

‘He’ll be used to hearing it.’ 

‘That is…’ She was not smiling anymore. Instead, there was a blank look on her face. The thought that the child would know her beyond the birth affected her more than Keiko had expected. She reached out and touched her hair. Nerys bowed her head gratefully. When she removed her hand, Nerys said: 

‘Can you tell me about when Molly was born?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘Haven’t you heard that story before?’ 

Nerys smiled.

‘It’s a story?’ 

‘I think you could call it that,’ Keiko said. She leaned back, and Nerys mirrored her. ‘I was in the ship’s bar when the _Enterprise_ was struck by quantum filaments. It damaged many of the systems. We were cut off from the rest of the ship, so they brought the wounded into the bar. I had a concussion, but it wasn’t very bad. I felt better, so I was helping out. Commander Worf was in charge.’ 

‘Worf? In charge of the casualties?’ Nerys laughed softly. ‘That’s an image.’ 

‘He was remarkably good,’ Keiko said. ‘Anyway. I was helping with the first aid when I started getting contractions. I was four weeks away from my due date, but the shock or the concussion must have triggered it.’ 

Nerys’ eyes were wide now. 

‘So what happened?’ she asked. ‘Did they manage to get a doctor there in time?’ 

‘No,’ Keiko said. ‘Worf delivered Molly.’ 

Nerys laughed, suddenly and loudly. 

‘Worf?’ she repeated. ‘He delivered a baby? _Molly_?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘He did. He wasn’t half bad, actually. But I think he was more shaken up than I was.’ 

‘I can imagine.’ 

‘This is why Molly is named Molly Miyaki Worf O’Brien.’ 

Nerys looked delighted. 

‘I had no idea. I can’t believe _he _doesn’t tell this story.’ 

‘I think he is still really embarrassed by it,’ Keiko admitted. Nerys smiled. 

‘So,’ she said, putting her hand on her belly. ‘What are you going to name this one?’ 

‘We don’t know yet,’ Keiko said. ‘With Molly, we talked about naming her after our fathers if she was a boy, but I think we’re going for something else. I quite like Sean.’ 

Se did not know what kind of reaction she had expected, but it was not this. As soon as she said the name, Nerys burst out luaghing. It was the unbridled laugher of someone who had just heard a particularly good joke. She held her sides and bent over, laughing until she almost cried. Finally, she managed to stifle it to a chuckle. 

‘Sorry,’ she said, wiping her eyes. 

Keiko stared at her, mystified. 

‘What is so funny?’ she asked. The laughter threatened to bubble up again. Nerys fought it and said: 

‘It’s just – Sean.’ 

‘Why is it funny?’ Keiko would not want to name her child something that made people laugh like that. 

‘In Bajoran, _śan_ means “swamp”.’ 

Keiko stared. Nerys could not hold it in anymore. She started laughing again. 

‘It’s a common name in Ireland,’ Keiko objected, but she was losing her composure too. 

‘Swamp!’ Nerys shrieked. Keiko laughed too. When she thought she was about to calm down, Nerys set her off again. She put her head down on Nerys’ shoulder. It felt like her sides would split. They both shook with laughter. 

They were still laughing when Miles came home. 

‘What’s going on here?’ 

Keiko tried to answer, but all that came out was breathless gulp. Nerys was clutching her sides. Miles grinned. 

‘You’ve lost it,’ he said fondly. ‘Only explanation.’ 

‘You might be right,’ Keiko said, although she did not know if it was intelligible.

***

They went to bed early. Miles seemed always to get tired from therapy, even when he was in good spirits, and Keiko was feeling the effects of the standing she had done when in Garak’s shop. As they were getting ready for bed, she thought back to her conversation with Nerys. She wanted to speak, but hesitated. She did not want to upset Miles. Or was she afraid he would be jealous? But concern for the woman having their baby must be natural.

‘Miles?’ 

‘Mm?’ He looked up from buttoning his pyjama jacket. 

‘Have you ever met First Minister Shakaar?’ 

‘Once,’ he said, ‘when he came to the station to negotiate Bajor’s entry into the Federation.’ 

‘What was he like?’ 

He shrugged.

‘Quiet, but he has a particular kind of presence. He’s very tall. How come you ask?’ 

Keiko sat down on the bed. 

‘I was talking to Nerys about him,’ she said, ‘and it just doesn’t seem like a very healthy relationship.’ 

She had feared he would say that this was none of their business, but she realised she should have known better. He nodded. 

‘Yes, it is odd, what with him being her old superior officer.’ He trailed off, lost in thought for a moment. 

‘He wasn’t just her superior officer. He was her commanding officer. And it seems like he still thinks he is, when it comes to Nerys,’ Keiko said, more encouraged now. ‘You shouldn’t be scared of telling your partner things.’ 

Miles sat down too, close enough that it felt conspiratorial. He had stiffened with something like protectiveness. She sincerely hoped he was not considering punching Bajor’s first minister in the mouth.

‘Is she?’

‘Yes,’ Keiko said. ‘That’s my impression.’ 

Miles sighed, deflating. 

‘I hadn’t realised that.’ 

‘Look, it’s probably best you don’t talk to her about this,’ Keiko said. ‘I just needed to… tell someone.’ 

He took her hand. 

‘I won’t.’ He kissed her knuckles. ‘Let’s go to bed.’

She nodded. They got into bed. Keiko settled on her back. It was the only way that she could sleep comfortably these days. Her right side was still too painful to sleep on. Miles was moving the books on his bedside table which looked like they might fall down. 

‘Miles?’ 

He turned to look at her.

‘Before…’ She swallowed. ‘We weren’t laughing about anything to do with you.’ 

‘I didn’t think you did,’ Miles said with a smile. ‘Although now I kind of do.’

‘We were talking about names for the baby,’ Keiko said. ‘And Nerys told me that _śan_ means “swamp”.’ 

Miles raised his eyebrows, surprised. 

‘Ah.’ Then he smiled. ‘We could call him Swampie for short?’ 

Keiko laughed. 

‘Children are cruel, Miles. We can’t name him something that means “swamp” in Bajoran.’ 

‘We can’t accommodate for every language in the galaxy,’ Miles said.

‘We live on a Bajoran space-station. Our surrogate is Bajoran.’ 

‘Yes, I see your point,’ Miles said. ‘Better steer clear of Sean. Should we do like we did with Molly, with first name and middle name from different traditions?’ 

‘I think it’s a good idea,’ Keiko said. ‘It’s going to take us ages until we find two names we agree on though.’ 

‘We’ve got five months,’ Miles reminded her. ‘And with Molly, we were discussing names up until the last minute.’

‘You’re right,’ she said. Once the baby had been born, it had been fairly easy to name her. She had seemed like a Molly from the start. Thinking back to Worf handing her her daughter brought on another thought. 

‘Miles?’

‘Mm?’ 

‘Wouldn’t it be right if we named the baby after Nerys somehow? We named Molly after Worf, after all…’

Miles looked over at her with a soft smile. He touched her cheek.

‘That’s a wonderful thought, Keiko.’

She smiled back. 

‘I’m not sure how…’

‘We could name him Nerys as a middle name,’ Miles said. ‘Or Kira?’

‘Nerys isn’t an easy name to spell in _kana_,’ Keiko said. ‘It’d have to be_ ne - ri - su_.’ She drew the characters in the air as she said them. _Molly_ might turn into _Mori_, but that meant “forest”, which felt fitting. 

‘Is _Neris_ so bad?’ Miles asked. 

‘It makes me think of _Nerissus_.’ 

‘Who is that?’

‘It’s a type of leaf beetle.’ 

Miles exhaled.

‘Fair enough. But _Kira _would work well in kana.’ 

‘It would.’ She was still not sure. She felt like a spoil-sport for suggesting it, but she saw another potential problem. ‘Might people think that he had a double-barelled name?’ she asked. ‘Say we name him John Kira O’Brien.’ She said them separately, indicating each name with a hand movement. ‘And someone looked at it and thought it was John Kira-O’Brien?’ She made a sweeping gesture. Their family situation was odd enough without Starfleet higher-ups misunderstanding Miles’ relationship with the Bajoran liaison. 

Miles sighed. 

‘You might be right,’ he admitted. ‘That could lead to trouble.’ 

‘But I do want her in there somehow.’ 

‘She should be,’ Miles agreed. Sensing Keiko sinking into a melancholy mood, he stroked her hair. 

‘We have lots of time, darling.’ Moving forward, he kissed her brow. Despite the feeling of sadness, Keiko smiled. 

‘You’re right.’ 

‘Let’s get some sleep, okay?’ 

‘Okay.’ 

‘Computer, lights out.’ 

The room fell dark and silent. Miles sank into the mattress, forming a shield between her and the world. She was exhausted, but sleeping did not feel possible yet. Her head buzzed with thoughts of names. 

She liked the name Yoshi. There were plenty of nice names with it as an element - Takeysohi, Noriyoshi, Hisayoshi, Shigeyoshi. None of them felt quite right though. There was something it reminded her of, but she could not pin it down. Had she known someone with the name Yoshi when she was little? Did it have some particular connotation that had escaped her? 

Then she remembered. It was like she could hear Molly singing: _Roshi jamor ta-dem? Roshi jamor ta-dem? Ka ioss a thar, ka ioss a thar, pe api an atta!_

Keiko reached out and grabbed Miles’ arm. 

‘Miles.’ 

She heard a sudden gasp as he woke up suddenly. 

‘What?’

‘I just realised,’ she said. ‘_Ioss_ means “son” in Bajoran.’ 

He half sat up now, rubbing his eyes. 

‘What of it?’ 

‘It sounds like Yoshi. We could name the baby Kirayoshi.’ 

Miles lay down, but looked much more awake now. 

‘Doesn’t _kira_ mean something?’ 

‘Yes, “twinkle”,’ she said, and sang: ‘_Kira kira hikaru_…’ 

‘Oh yeah.’ 

‘Think about it,’ Keiko said. ‘Kirayoshi could be shortened to Yoshi. It would work in Japanese, in English, in Gaelic. It doesn’t mean anything bad in Bajoran, but at the same time, it sounds a bit like _Kirai ioss_, which means “Kira’s son”, so we would be naming the baby after Nerys, but there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings.’ 

Miles looked up at her and smiled. 

‘You’re pretty brilliant, you.’ 

She smiled back. 

‘It’s just an idea,’ she said. ‘No need to rush into it.’ 

‘No, of course.’ 

She lay down with her head on his shoulder. 

‘Still,’ he said. ‘I like it. Kirayoshi.’ 

‘Kirayoshi,’ Keiko repeated. It sounded right.


	6. Chapter 6

If there was any one thing that made Keiko particularly happy, it was the way Molly had taken to Nerys. That next morning, Molly came out of her new room with Triangle Man and put him on the table. 

‘This is Triangle Man,’ she said earnestly. ‘He lives in my wardrobe, but it’s your wardrobe now, and he wants to move back in.’ 

Nerys looked at the triangular cuddly toy for a few seconds, looking a little confused but nevertheless smiling. 

‘Of course he can.’ 

‘He needs to be on the top shelf, so he can keep watch,’ Molly told her. 

Nerys nodded.

‘I’ll make sure of it.’ 

Molly climbed onto her chair again and sipped her orange juice, glass in both hands.

‘So, how are you liking your new room, Molly?’ Miles asked. 

‘I like it.’

‘You’re not bothered by people going to the loo?’ 

‘No,’ she said. ‘I like my old room better, but I like Aunt Nerys being here more.’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘You’re very sweet, Molly.’ 

Molly grinned and hugged her. Nerys hugged back. She looked peaceful in a way that Keiko did not know if she had seen. 

Letting go of Molly, she stood up. 

‘I need to get dressed.’ She made sure to pick up Triangle Man before she went. 

Keiko and Miles both nodded and smiled. When the door had closed behind her, Miles turned to Keiko. 

‘How did the clothes-shopping go?’ 

‘Good,’ Keiko said. ‘She doesn’t have the uniform yet, though.’ 

‘But that’s a new pyjamas, right?’ 

Keiko laughed. 

‘It’s actually the right fit, Miles. Of course it’s new.’ 

Miles shifted uncomfortably, looking so embarrassed it made Keiko laugh again. 

‘I’m just trying not to… stare, you know.’ 

‘Miles, we’re living together,’ Keiko said reasonably. ‘She’s having your baby. I don’t think she’d mind you looking.’ 

‘She’s having _our_ baby,’ Miles corrected her. 

‘Yes. Our baby,’ Keiko repeated. ‘Have you even ask to feel the baby kicking since the transfer?’ 

Molly beat him to it. 

‘I have!’ 

‘That’s great, honey,’ Miles said, then turned back to his wife. ‘No. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.’ 

Keiko gave him a long look. He sighed, giving up. 

‘Fine.’ 

‘You’re not going to make her uncomfortable by asking,’ she said. ‘If she says no, then you don’t touch her. If she says yes, you can. It’s as simple as that. She’s not a blushing violet, Miles.’ 

‘I suppose not,’ Miles said, looking like he was feeling rather stupid. Keiko kissed him on the cheek. 

‘You’re trying to be respectful. That’s to your credit.’ 

Now, he smiled. If he was about to say something, it was cut off by Nerys’ door opening a little. 

‘Keiko?’ 

She turned around. Nerys was sticking her head out, looking a little concerned. 

‘Yes?’ 

‘Could I talk to you about something?’ 

‘Of course,’ Keiko said, getting to her feet. She felt Miles stiffening. As she passed him, she drew her hand over his back. 

She stepped into Nerys’ room and ordered the door closed. Nerys was in her uniform now. Her arms were wrapped around herself. 

‘What’s the matter?’ Keiko asked. ‘If I said anything wrong…’ 

Nerys’ arms fell. 

‘What?’ she asked, not seeming to understand. 

‘When I talked to Miles.’ She pointed back over her shoulder. ‘I thought…’ 

‘No,’ Nerys said quickly. ‘I didn’t hear that at all. What were you talking about?’ 

‘He’s worried he’ll make you uncomfortable,’ Keiko explained. ‘I told him that it’d be better if he talked to you about it instead of tip-toeing around.’ 

Nerys relaxed, even letting out a soft laugh. 

‘He’s not making me uncomfortable,’ she said. ‘That’s not it at all.’ She took a deep breath to ground herself and looked Keiko in the eye. ‘What are you doing today?’ 

‘I’m going to be in the lab, with the Torad V samples,’ Keiko said. ‘Miles swapped shifts, so he’ll be here until the afternoon.’ 

Nerys hesitated. 

‘Do you think you will be free at eleven-hundred hours?’ 

‘I could be.’ Keiko frowned. Something about Nerys’ nervousness was putting her on edge. ‘What happens at eleven-hundred hours?’ 

Nerys took a deep breath. 

‘I have a doctor’s appointment, and… I don’t want to go alone.’ Quickly she added: ‘There’s nothing wrong. It’s just routine. But I hate it.’ 

‘Of course,’ Keiko said. ‘If you want me to, I’ll be there.’ 

The tenseness went out of Nerys’ body.

‘Thank you,’ she said. Keiko smiled. 

‘Shall I see you outside the infirmary, then?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

They parted, each going to get ready for the day. Keiko left soon after Nerys did. Dax was in the lab, as they had agreed on. The relief she felt when she saw the samples was palpable. The outer crates were dented, but the cotnainers themselves were pristine. As she unpacked them, she realised she must have forgotten how much she had collected: hundreds of leaves, roots, saplings, flowers.

Keiko lost herself in the samples. They had been sorted by plant type, but she soon realised she had to come up with a better system. Before she could do that, however, she needed to get a good overview of the matterial. She looked at each samle, did some preliminary scans and took notes. At ten, her concentration was going. Her back was aching and her breasts were sore. She was glad she had thought to bring the pump. 

‘Dax, would you mind if I pump?’ she asked. 

‘Go for it,’ Dax said, barely looking up from her work. 

Keiko stretched and walked around the lab once. Then she returned to her chair and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible. She was arranging the shawl over her shoulders when Dax spoke again. 

‘How are the samples doing?’ 

‘Good, this far,’ Keiko said. ‘Very good, actually.’ She gestured at the materials. ‘Have a look, if you’d like.’ 

Dax crossed to her and looked at the microscopic scan of the last sample she had looked out. 

‘Huh. Looks a bit like a Andorian varla root, doesn’t it?’ 

‘That’s what I thought.’ 

She started pumping. Odd as the sensation was, it was a relief to do something about the pressure. 

‘So,’ Dax said, returning to her work station. ‘What is it like?’ 

Keiko looked at her questioningly. 

‘Living with Kira, of course.’ 

‘Oh.’ Keiko smiled. ‘It’s great.’ 

‘Miles doesn’t feel too ganged up on?’ Dax asked. ‘With so many women around?’

‘Not as far as I know,’ Keiko said. 

‘I think Kira seems happier than before,’ Dax said. 

Keiko looked down, feeling her smile would expose her. Perhaps it was silly of her to ascribe that to herself, but she could not help thinking of their long conversations. 

‘I’m very glad she’s there,’ she said. Dax looked at her with an impish smile. 

‘So what do you get up to?’ 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘Nothing in particular. I’ve been teaching her Go.’ 

Dax made an acknowledging noise in the back of her throat. 

‘Tobin was a Go player. I can’t for the life of me see the attraction.’ 

‘Each to their own.’ 

Dax smiled and turned back to her work. Keiko decided to do the same, although one-handed. She set the computer on compiling the data she had this far. Looking at it, she realised she had barely scratched the surface. Her feeling of frustration was eclipsed by the anticipation. Who knew what was hidden in those samples? 

She pulled herself out of her academic daydreams. The chrono on the screen was showing 1049. 

‘Can I leave this running?’ she asked. 

‘Sure.’ 

Keiko packed up the pump and the bottles she had filled. 

‘See you this afternoon?’ 

‘Definitely,’ Dax said and gave her a little wave. 

Keiko was the first to arrive at the promenade. She sat down on the bench outside the infirmary. Her chronometre already showed 11.01 when the nearest turbolift opened and Nerys hurried out of it. 

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘The captain wanted to go over the new docking procedures.’ 

‘It’s alright,’ Keiko said. Together they made their way towards the infirmary. Without having been conscious of doing it, she realised she had placed her hand on Nerys’ back. She had not reacted either. It felt like a natural thing to do.

When they stepped inside, Nurse Jabara caught sight of them. 

‘Hello, Major.’ 

‘Hello.’ 

Nerys gestured at Keiko, about to speak, but she seemed to struggle to find the right worlds. Jabara looked over at Keiko. 

‘Are you here to keep the major company?’ she asked. 

‘Yes,’ Keiko said. Jabara nodded. 

‘Let me take you through.’ She turned. Keiko touched Nerys’ arm encouragingly. Together, they followed her. The room she took them to was rather small, but a good deal more private than the examination area at the front of the infirmary. Nerys’ concern became marginally better. 

‘Right, Major. I’m going to ask you to undress and put this gown on. When you’re ready, just shout.’

Nerys nodded wordlessly and approached the table where a folded patient’s gown lay. Keiko turned to Jabara.

‘I have two bottles of breast milk for the stasis chamber. Would you be able to take them?’ 

‘Of course.’ 

Keiko dug up the bottles and handed them over. 

‘I’ll make sure they are properly put away.’ 

Jabara left, the doors closing behind her. Keiko turned to see Nerys who had unfolded the gown and was looking at it in distaste.

‘Do you think they picked the colours to make patients as uncomfortable as possible?’ she asked, holding it up in front of her. The purple and orange clashed terribly against her red hair. 

‘It’s either that, or it was designed by someone with no colour-vision whatsoever,’ Keiko said. 

‘A Nausicaan, perhaps?’ Nerys suggested. 

‘They don’t see colour?’ 

‘No.’ 

‘I can’t imagine a Nausicaan clothes designer, but I suppose they must have them,’ Keiko said. Nerys laughed, put down the gown and reached for the fastenings in her uniform. ‘Would you like me to wait outside?’ 

‘No, it’s fine,’ Nerys said. ‘If you don’t mind.’ 

‘No, not at all,’ Keiko said quickly. 

‘I could use some help with tying the gown on anyway.’ 

‘Perhaps that bit was designed by someone with double-jointed arms.’ 

‘A Kelpien, maybe.’ 

Keiko grinned. She placed Nerys’ uniform jacket on a nearby chair as she got her undershirt off. The bump of her belly sat a little differently than a human’s, or so Keiko thought. When Nerys undid the flies in her trousers, Keiko noticed that she had worn them half unzipped. Seeing her watching, Nerys smiled. 

‘I can’t wait for that new uniform,’ she said. ‘Look.’ She pulled down the waistband of her trousers to show the way the seams had imprinted on her skin. Keiko grimaced in sympathy. 

‘We should have thought about getting you something earlier.’ 

Nerys shrugged. 

‘It’s alright.’ 

She pulled down the trousers and shifted over to one leg to pull them off. Keiko felt a jolt in her stomach. She had teased Miles for being worried he might make her uncomfortable for looking at her body, and here she was, looking straight at her while she was only in her underwear. Much as she tried to avert her eyes, they wandered back. She watched the pronounced curve of her back, the muscles of her arms, the oval dip of her navel. The details drew her eyes. She had some noticeable scars, one on her side, yet another on her upper arm, another two on her leg. There were a few birthmarks, scattered on her thighs. On her stomach, a few stretch-marks had formed. There was a faint tan-line on her chest and arms, and the slightest hint of freckles on her shoulders. Keiko remembered the day on Torad V when Nerys had taken off her jacket and put it in her backpack. 

She looked away. 

‘Nerys, are you sure you want me here for this?’ she asked. Her head was full of the thought of how beautiful she was, but shame sat in the pit of her stomach. 

‘I am,’ Nerys said. She watched her for a moment. ‘Am I embarrassing you?’ 

‘No,’ Keiko managed to say. ‘I… just don’t to embarrass _you._’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘I don’t think that’s going to happen,’ she said warmly. ‘Will you help me tie the gown up?’ Not waiting for an answer, Nerys turned her back to her. She undid her bra and put it with her uniform, then pulled on the gown. Keiko stepped closer to tie the gown closed, but her attention lingered. On Nerys’ shoulder-blade there was a tattoo. It was a circle with a complicated shape inside. This close, Keiko could make out the individual spots that made it up. Half of the tattoo had scarred oddly, distorting the symbol. 

‘What’s your tattoo?’ she asked. 

‘It’s the _veraqa_,’ Nerys said. ‘It’s an old Bajoran logogram that my resistance cell had as its emblem.’ 

Keiko brushed the gown aside to look at it again. 

‘What does it mean?’ 

‘“Home”. Not as in a house, but as in the land you come from. My friend Lupaza did it for me.’ Nerys looked over her shoulder. ‘Just with a needle and some ash. She’s pretty good – it’s not her fault it looks like it does.’ 

‘What happened to it?’ 

Nerys shrugged. 

‘I just couldn’t keep it clean. We were constantly on the move. We washed ourselves and our clothes in rivers. We barely had soap, much less antiseptic. So it ended up getting infected. That’s why. I don’t mind it though. It still means what it does.’

Keiko smiled. 

‘I like it.’ 

Nerys smiled back. 

‘Thanks.’ Then she nodded towards the door. ‘The first time Bashir saw it he made for a dermal regenerator. I felt like snapping his arm off.’ 

‘It’s a good thing you didn’t,’ Keiko said and finished up the ties. ‘Have you seen my tattoos?’ 

‘No,’ Nerys said, sounding curious. ‘How many do you have?’ 

‘Two. I have a camellia on my ankle and a branch of the genista centauria on my arm – it’s the bush I wrote my doctoral thesis on. I’m thinking of getting a big one, though, to cover up the scars on my stomach.’ 

Nerys turned around. 

‘What would it be?’ 

Keiko smiled, feeling a bit predictable. 

‘Flowers. I have a few in mind.’ 

Nerys smiled back. 

‘I’m sure it’ll be beautiful.’ 

There was a knock on the door. Nerys’ shoulders slumped. 

‘Better to get this over with,’ she said. Turning away from Keiko again, she took off her underwear and stuffed them under his uniform. ‘I’m ready!’ she called. 

Nurse Jabara entered the room. With stern but kindly efficiency, she put her patient through the routine of weighing and sample-taking. Nerys was still rubbing the crook of her arm when Jabara pushed a sample-container into her hand and ushered her in the direction of the toilet. It was only then that the nurse looked to Keiko. 

‘Let’s have you sit down, Mrs O’Brien,’ she said. She made her way to the one chair where Nerys had left her clothes and bundled them up. ‘I’ll just put them here. It’s all there.’ 

Keiko sat down. 

‘Thank you.’

Nerys reappeared, and Jabara packed up the samples. 

‘Sit up on the table, put the drape on your lap. The doctor will be here soon.’

The nurse left, nodding to them both. Nerys pulled herself up onto the table and fidgeted with the drape. Keiko caught her eye and smiled. She smiled back, looking nervous but grateful. There was a knock on the door. Nerys turned her eyes at the door. 

‘Come in,’ she called. The door slid open. Julian stepped in, still looking at the PADD he was holding. 

‘Right, Major.’ He looked up. At the sight of Keiko, his countenance of easy professionalism changed to surprise. ‘Keiko.’ 

‘I’m representing the other part of the family,’ she said, almost at the same time as Nerys said: 

‘She’s my emotional support.’ 

Julian shook himself and stepped out of the doorway. The door closed behind him. 

‘It’s not a problem, is it?’ Keiko asked earnestly. Julian shook his head. 

‘No. Not at all. It’s perfectly fine.’ He fiddled with the PADD. ‘You’re one of the parents, after all.’ 

Nerys looked at her and smiled. Keiko smiled back. The question that Molly had asked the day Nerys had moved in returned. Were they both the mother of this baby? 

‘Right.’ Julian retrieved a stool and sat down. His attention was only on Nerys now. Keiko sat back in her chair and tried to seem as unobtrusive as possible. ‘How have you been the last few days?’ 

‘Alright, mostly.’ 

‘“Mostly”,’ Julian repeated. 

‘My back has been hurting. The sneezing is keeping me awake. I get tired easily.’ As Nerys spoke, the doctor took notes. 

‘Are you tired in the mornings?’ 

‘Sometimes.’ 

‘Bad enough that you struggle to get out of bed?’ 

‘No,’ Nerys said. ‘It’s worst after my shift.’ 

‘Alright. Good. If you find you’re still having trouble sleeping in a week or so, I can prescribe you a low dose of sedatives, but I’d like to wait and see if it sorts itself out.’ He looked down at the PADD again. ‘Have you been experiencing any shortness of breath or dizziness?’ 

‘No.’ 

‘Any bleeding?’ 

‘No.’

‘Vaginal discharge or itching?’ 

‘No.’ 

‘Okay. If you find you’re having heavy discharge that’s yellow or red or lumpy, you need to come here immediately. That could be the mucus plug in your cervix being released – I say mucus, but in your case, it’s actually a replicated biomechanical polymer with roughly the same traits as mucus. Anyway, we don’t want that to happen for another four months.’ He went back to his list. ‘Have you had any pain in your abdomen or chest?’ 

‘The skin still hurts.’ 

‘Anything like tearing or ripping inside your stomach? A feeling like something giving way?’ 

‘Nothing like that.’ 

Julian wrote something down. Keiko leaned forward a little. She was not sure whether she was allowed to interrupt, but she was both curious and aware that if Nerys wondered about anything, she was not likely to request an explanation. 

‘What are you ruling out?’ she asked. Julian looked at her, then at Nerys, seeking permission. She made a gesture of assent. 

‘Abdominal pain can be a sign of damage to the uterine ligaments or the uterus itself. Most of the time, a Bajoran uterus is about the size of a pear – roughly the same as in humans. During the fetal transfer, I had to artificially stretch Nerys’ womb. In these cases, there is always the risk of uterine rupture when strain is put on the scar tissues from the transfer.’ Julian must have noticed how unsettled Nerys looked. ‘It is not likely. Just something we have to look out for. If you feel any pain that lasts for more than five minutes, come see me at once.’ 

Nerys nodded. Keiko wanted to reach out and press her hand, but she could not reach her from where she sat. 

‘What about your mood?’ 

‘It’s fine,’ Nerys said. ‘I might be a little more… emotional than usual.’ 

‘Have you thought anything more about counselling?’ 

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘but I think I’d prefer to talk to a cleric.’ 

Julian looked a little surprised. Keiko thought even this was probably more than he had hoped for. 

‘That’s perfectly fine.’ He made a note. ‘Now, are you taking all of your medications?’ 

‘Yes,’ Nerys said, not sounding happy about the fact. He gave her a prompting look. 

‘Nerys…’ 

‘It’s just that there’s so many of them.’ 

‘You need them,’ he said firmly. ‘Not taking them will put the health of both you and the baby at risk.’ 

Nerys exhaled. 

‘I know. Isn’t there some other way I can take them? Something… more natural?’ 

‘It’s_ all_ natural,’ Julian said in a way that made Keiko think they had had this argument before. ‘We don’t invent things out of thin air. Even when we synthesise compounds, they’re virtually indistinguishable from the original.’ 

‘I know,’ Nerys said, making a face. ‘I just prefer doing things the traditional way.’ 

Julian’s judgement seemed to fade a little. 

‘I’ll talk to Y’Pora about traditional alternatives. But I’m not promising I’ll find anything. This is not the kind of thing that we can compromise about.’ 

‘Thanks,’ Nerys said, meaning it. ‘I’m sure there’s something.’ 

Something had been working in Keiko’s head. Now, she found the piece of information that had been calling. 

‘Julian?’ 

He looked up from the PADD, surprised at hearing his name. 

‘Yes?’ 

‘The Bajoran _makara_ herb has several similarities with the Persian walnut of Earth,’ Keiko said, ‘and Persian walnut contains progesterone.’ 

He looked intrigued. 

‘Now that you mention it, I think I’ve read about Bajorans ingesting _makara_ herbs during pregnancy. Thanks – I’ll look into it.’ He turned back to Nerys. ‘But in the meantime, you need to keep taking the hyposprays as instructed. It’s important.’ 

Nerys mustered a smile. 

‘Thank you.’ 

He smiled back, then got a scanner out. Nerys clasped her hands, as if trying to hide her nerves. 

‘What are you doing now?’ 

‘I’m just checking your vitals.’ He held the scanner up for a little longer, then put it aside. ‘All looks fine. Have you had a fever? Any cold or flu symptoms?’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘Only the sneezing.’ 

‘Okay. I am going to feel your lymph-nodes, if you don’t mind.’ Julian rubbed his hands together to work some warmth into them. Nerys still gasped when he placed them on her throat. The tension in her shoulders made Keiko feel both pity and fear. That taut concentration felt like it was holding back retaliation. To Julian, this was a standard part of the examination, but who knew what it felt like for Nerys? The feeling of someone having their hands around your throat might bring back the worst kinds of memories for her. 

‘Does this hurt?’ 

‘No,’ Nerys said. ‘It just feels odd.’ 

‘It does, doesn’t it?’ Julian smiled. ‘What I’m looking for is any swelling or other changes. That could indicate infection or inflammation.’ 

‘Is that common with fetal transfers?’ Keiko asked. 

‘It happens.’ Julian took his hands from Nerys’ throat. She relaxed a little. ‘Usually, a fetus has what is called immunity privilege. The parent’s body knows not to attack it because of the placenta. However, when it comes to a fetus that has been transferred, we have to create that immunity privilege artificially. Part of this is to partially suppress Nerys’ immune system.’ He paused and looked to Nerys. ‘But during pregnancy, it is not safe to do so completely. This leads to two risks. As her immune system is not as strong as usual, she might contract infections that she would usually be able to fight off. On the other hand, the immune system might also not be suppressed enough, and either try to reject the baby or turn on the parent. There is nothing to indicate that that is happening, however. But we’ll run all the usual tests, of course.’ 

Keiko smiled in relief. Julian turned back to his patient. 

‘Would you mind lowering your gown?’ 

Nerys tried to reach the ties on her back. Keiko stood up. 

‘Would you like me to help?’ 

Nerys let her arm fall. 

‘Yes. Please.’ 

Keiko untied the gown halfway down her back and held it up as she slipped her arms out. Nerys clutched the gown to her chest. 

‘Thanks.’ 

Keiko squeezed her shoulder. She was aware of Julian hovering by the table, already with a new scanner in hand. With a smile that she hoped was encouraging, she returned to her chair. Julian continued the exam. As he inspected her back and scanned her lungs, Nerys held a tight grip on the gown, covering herself as best she could. Keiko wished she could make this easier somehow. She wondered if it would have helped if she had stayed standing beside her. Once, Nerys looked over at her and made a face, at once lamenting the situation and making fun of it. Keiko smiled. Nerys looked away, dipping her head. Was that a blush? She could not tell. Just then, Julian asked her to pull her gown down, and any flush on her cheeks might have been from self-consciousness. Still she let the gown fall. Keiko felt a stab of embarrassment. She averted her eyes. She was afraid she was making it worse by being here. When Nerys had been undressing, she had not seen more than the curve of her breast. When she had looked up now, she had caught a glimpse of a nipple, darker than the pink she had imagined.

There was a stretch of silence as Julian worked. Out of the corner of her eye, Keiko could see him get out a cardiac scanner. She also thought she saw Nerys turn her head to look at her. When she looked back, Nerys’ eyes were downcast. She concentrated on the tassle of her shawl instead. It was long enough to wrap just over two times around her index finger. She tried it again around her pinky. She glanced up, only for a moment. Still the same scanner. She wanted to ask if there was something wrong. Going from not pregnant to the second trimester in the course of one day seemed like the kind of thing that might strain even a healthy heart. However, she found she did not really dare. The silence felt too heavy. When Julian finally spoke, saying that there was nothing worrying to be found, Keiko could physically feel the relief. She looked at Nerys, hoping to share that feeling, but she did not notice. The doctor had moved on to examining her breasts, and Nerys’ eyes were fixed on some point in thin air. It was not the tense desperation of before, but something more akin to disassociation. When she was asked to lie down, she did so slowly, without any of her usual energy. 

It went on for a little while longer. Then: 

‘You can put the gown back on.’ 

Nerys sat up and hurriedly pulled the gown on again. She looked over at Keiko, a question in her eyes. Strangely relieved, she walked over to her. 

‘How are you doing?’ she asked as she tied up the gown. Nerys shrugged. 

‘Surviving.’ 

Keiko squeezed her arm. 

‘You’re doing great,’ she said. Nerys mustered a smile. Keiko smiled back. When Julian spoke, she realised she had half forgotten he was still there. 

‘Right,’ he said. ‘Let’s have a look at this baby.’ 

Nerys at once looked at little less discouraged. As she lay down, Keiko kept her hand on her shoulder, steadying her. Once she was on her back, Nerys put her hand on Keiko's wrist. 

‘You should stay here for this.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘I will. But I’m going to get the chair.’ 

She did not trust herself to be able to carry the chair, so she dragged it the short distance. When she sat down, Nerys had arranged the gown and drape to expose her stomach. Now that she was on her back, the bump looked larger. 

‘How much is he moving?’ Julian asked. 

‘A lot,’ Nerys said. ‘Several times an hour.’

He smiled. 

‘Good.’ He felt her stomach and then brought out a scanner. His face was set in professional neutrality – at most there was a slight frown. Keiko held her breath in case that frown deepened, but it did not. 

‘He’s grown. 15.6 centimetres and…’ he paused, waiting for the scanner to calculate. ‘238 grams.’ 

‘That’s good news?’ Nerys asked. 

‘Very good news.’ Julian smiled. ‘His growth rate has picked up faster than I expected.’ He returned his attention to output for a while. Then he said: ‘Everything looks fine.’ He turned the tricorder so they could see it. ‘Here he is.’ 

At first glance, Keiko could not make anything of the pictures. Then she picked out familiar details. That was a forehead – that, a hand. There! A nose, a pair of lips, the beginnings of an ear. The little hand opened and closed. Nerys’ hand took hers and squeezed it hard. They looked at each other. Nerys was smiling, her eyes shimmering. The image changed as Julian moved the reader. Now the rest of his body came into view. Keiko put her hand over her mouth. He was so small, so fragile-looking, but also so resilient. She watched as his knee moved. His foot shot forward. Nerys laughed. 

‘I felt that!’

Keiko felt tears prick her eyes. She had been told her baby was fine, she had seen stills of the scans, she had felt him kick, but a small shard of doubt had been so deeply buried that she had not been able to get it out. Now, she felt it dissolve. Her son was alive and well. She loved him, all two-hundred and thirty-eight grams of him. 

‘Is that his heart?’ she asked, pointing at the fluttering on the screen. 

‘Yes,’ Julian said. 

‘It’s beating so fast,’ said Nerys. 

‘143 beats per minute. That’s what we’d expect at this point.’ He angled the reader a little differently. ‘There’s the placenta. You see this line?’ He tapped the screen with his finger. ‘That’s the endometrial fixative that is attaching the transferred placenta to the uterine wall.’ He turned the tricorder around to look closer. ‘It’s holding well, and blood-flow is good.’ 

‘So he’s fine?’ Nerys asked. 

‘Yes. He’s fine.’ Julian put the tricorder and reader away. Nerys sat up and pulled the gown down. 

‘Is that it?’ 

Julian smiled apologetically. 

‘Afraid not.’ He unfolded the leg-rests at the foot of the examination table. ‘Would you like me to fetch a nurse?’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘No.’ She looked over at Keiko. ‘You’ll stay?’ 

‘Of course.’ 

Nerys forced a smile, but if she was about to say anything more, she was interrupted. Julian had finished arranging his instruments and was pulling on a pair of gloves. 

‘Move down towards me, Major.’ 

Nerys scooted to the end of the table and got her legs in the supports. Meanwhile, Keiko moved her chair down so she was still level with her head. Once she had sat down, Nerys reached out to take her hand. A blank look had settled on her face, like she was not quite there. Keiko stroked her hair. The blankness receded a little. 

‘Just try to relax,’ Julian said. ‘Take some deep breaths, sink into the table.’ 

With effort, Nerys exhaled and relaxed. Her grip around Keiko’s hand became less desperate.

‘Can you cough, please?’ 

She did. 

‘Good. You’re doing the pelvic floor exercises?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Excellent. Keep it up. Don’t get complacent. This baby is just going to get heavier, and your muscles are already doing more work than they’re used to.’ He swivelled around to the trolly of supplies. ‘Just a bit of pressure here. Try not to tense up.’ 

Nerys breathing hitched for a second, but she forced it back to the slow pace. Keiko smiled at her encouragingly. 

‘I was thinking,’ she said, ‘we could watch some more _Federation Friends_ with Molly tonight.’ 

Nerys smiled, surprised but clearly grateful for the distraction. 

‘I’d like that.’ 

‘Molly will be thrilled.’ 

‘Are there more episodes with the Vulcan?’ 

‘He’s in every single one. There’s a lovely one where he explains how people used to navigate by the stars.’ 

Nerys’ smile was more genuine now. 

‘That sounds wonderful.’

Before Keiko could answer, Julian stood up and pulled his gloves off. 

‘There, all done,’ he said. 

Nerys sat up gingerly. Keiko steadied her with an arm behind her shoulders as she got her legs out of the supports.

‘Am I alright?’ Nerys asked. 

‘You’re fine,’ Julian said. ‘And so’s the baby.’ 

Both Nerys and Keiko breathed a sigh of relief. They smiled at each other. Keiko turned her grip into a brief, one-armed hug. She heard how Nerys murmured something she thought was a prayer of thanks. Then Nerys said: 

‘Thank you, Julian.’ 

He smiled briefly and nodded. Then the smile faded. For the briefest of moments, Keiko caught sight of something in his countenance, a unnamed disquiet. She saw herself through his eyes: her arm around Nerys’ shoulders, her free hand pressing hers. She had been in this situation only three weeks ago, but then, it had been her on the table and Miles steadying her. Was that what Julian was seeing – the recast roles of their family? 

He turned away. Keiko pushed aside her unease and looked at Nerys.

‘Let’s go for lunch,’ she said. 

Nerys grinned. 

‘Just let me get dressed first.’

***

Keiko spent the afternoon in the lab. Dax was in and out, frequently disappearing up to Ops, but she found she did not mind. She was content to concentrate on her samples. When she returned home, she brought the PADDs with the information she had accumulated with her and worked on it as Molly played. The only real interruption was when Garak came by with a box containing Nerys’ new uniform. Keiko resisted the urge to peek. She did not have to wait long to see it. As soon as Nerys came home and saw the box, she disappeared into her room with it. When she emerged, she stretched her arms out and turned.

‘How do I look?’

‘Wonderful,’ Keiko said. The fabric of the jacket fell in deep folds, accommodating her pregnant belly without attempting to hide it. ‘How does it feel?’ 

‘It’s really comfortable,’ Nerys said. ‘Definitely an improvement.’ 

Molly looked up from her drawing. 

‘You look like you’re from a fairy-tale!’ she said. 

‘Really?’ Nerys said. Molly nodded. 

‘Yes. Like you’re going to go fight a dragon.’ 

Nerys chuckled and sat down on the sofa, hand on her stomach. 

‘I don’t think I’m going to fight any dragons for a while.’ 

‘You shouldn’t _really_ fight dragons,’ Molly said. ‘They only live on Berengaria VII and there are not very many of them.’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘I’ll keep that in mind.’

Afternoon turned into evening. They had dinner and watched an episode of _Federation Friends. _When eight o’clock approached, it was Nerys who coaxed Molly into getting ready for bed. Keiko stayed in the sofa and listened. She recognised some phrases Nerys used as she supervised Molly brushing her teeth from Miles’ routine, and some phrases from her own as Nerys tucked Molly in. Nerys spoke more softly now. The cadence of her voice made Keiko think she was telling a story. She could not make out the words, but nevertheless she listened intently. She was still sitting with her head back against the sofa when Nerys reappeared and closed the door. 

‘Did she enjoy the story?’ 

Nerys came to sit beside her. 

‘Yes, I think so.’ 

‘If she liked it, she’ll demand you tell it again,’ Keiko said. Nerys smiled. 

‘I wouldn’t mind.’ 

Keiko rose. 

‘Would you like some tea?’

‘Yes, please. Tarkalean, please.’ 

She crossed to the replicator. 

‘Two Tarkalean teas.’ 

The sweet smell wafted from the replicator as the cups materialised. She took them over to the sofa and sat down. 

‘So, is Miles ankle-deep in Cardassian voles?’ 

‘Probably,’ Nerys said. ‘They chewed through the ODN relays in one of the turbolift shafts just when I was leaving.’ 

Keiko’s eyes widened. 

‘I hope no one was in the turbolift when that happened.’ 

‘No. It just didn’t work the next time someone tried to use it.’ 

Keiko sighed. 

‘Poor Miles, having to do that all evening.’ 

‘I’m glad I don’t have to have anything to do with them,’ Nerys said. ‘I can’t stand them. When I was seven, I was woken up by one running across my chest.’ She shuddered. 

‘Is that why you’re not working on that?’ 

She shook her head. 

‘No – it was Julian. Those voles have nasty bites.’ She stood up. ‘That at least I’m not going to complain about.’ Nerys sipped her tea. When she looked back at Keiko again, she looked a little uneasy. ‘Thank you for coming with me today.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I was happy to.’

‘I don’t like doctors much,’ she admitted. Keiko nodded, about to say that she did not think that anyone did, really, especially when it came to pelvic exams and such. When Nerys continued, she was glad she had not spoken. ‘Bashir’s no Cardassian, but… I still don’t feel very at ease.’

That was something she had not considered. Keiko put aside her mug and gave her shoulder a squeeze. Nerys smiled gratefully. Keiko did not press her for details. She had heard much about the crimes of Cardassian medical science during the occupation from her Bajoran colleagues. It seemed to particularly concern them as they were scientists, and the offences that had been perpetrated on Bajoran soil still shaped Bajoran research. Her thoughts went to people like Crell Moset, but she knew that they were only the most extreme iteration of a type of purposeless cruelty masquerading as medical care. She did not know if Nerys had any first-hand experience of any of it, and she sincerely hoped she did not. 

Nerys pulled herself up and cleared her throat, as if embarrassed by her confession. 

‘I was hoping he was going to hand me over to Y’Pora soon, but doesn’t seem like it.’ Seeing Keiko struggle to place the name, she added: ‘She’s the midwife. I don’t know if she has patients who aren’t Bajoran, so you might not have met her…’ 

‘I’ve seen her in the infirmary,’ Keiko said, realising who she must be. ‘I think we’ve exchanged a few words, no more. She seems nice.’ 

‘She is.’ Nerys picked some lint off her uniform. ‘At least Julian is receptive to traditional medicine. Thanks for pointing out that thing about the _makara_ herbs. If I can get rid of even one of those hyposprays…’ She shuddered. Keiko made a sympathetic noise. 

They fell silent again for a while, sitting side by side and drinking their tea. 

‘I don’t think I realised how dangerous this could be,’ Keiko said. Now that she allowed herself to think of that, she realised they had never talked through possible scenarios. What happened if the surrogacy made Nerys ill? At what point should they start considering terminating the pregnancy? Who had the final say – the parents or the surrogate? 

She interrupted her train of thought. She did not have the emotional strength right now to consider this. It was something she should discuss with Miles and Nerys, not worry about herself. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have brought that up…’ 

‘It’s alright,’ Nerys said. Her smile was subdued but genuine. ‘I don’t mind.’ 

‘Are there other risks, other than the ones that Julian mentioned?’ Keiko asked.

Nerys nodded. 

‘There are some that might not happen for years. You remember how he talked about that my immune system might get confused and attack my own body? From what I’ve been told, that might still happen after I’ve had the baby. If I get pregnant again, there could be complications. And the hormones I’m taking now can have all sorts of side-effects. Blood-clots and heart disease and breast cancer and such.’ 

Keiko sat frozen for a second. 

‘Nerys…’ She edged closer, hesitantly at first. Nerys moved and let her put her arm around her. ‘I had no idea. Did you know about that when you consented?’ 

‘He said it was risky and that it could lead to problems later on, but there wasn’t time to go into detail.’ 

‘You shouldn’t have had to make that decision on that kind of information,’ Keiko said. Nerys leaned deeper into her embrace. 

‘There wasn’t time to wait,’ she said. ‘He told me what he could.’ 

‘And you still did it?’ 

Nerys looked up at her. 

‘Of course.’ 

Keiko was lost for words. That devotion was touching, but also frightening. She knew what she was feeling – that however grateful she was to Nerys, she should not be risking her life for a fetus whose life was still, at least to some extent, hypothetical – but she also knew that the Bajoran perspective was different, and she did not want to get lost in a debate over personhood. 

Nerys drew back a little to look Keiko in the eye. 

‘I couldn’t stand by and watch your child die,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t let you go through that.’ 

Keiko ran her hands down Nerys’ arms and took her hands. 

‘But it’s dangerous. You could get really ill. Die, even.’ 

‘I could do those things anyway,’ Nerys said. She seemed perfectly calm. ‘Besides, I couldn’t grow a hangnail without Julian noticing.’

Keiko could not make herself smile at the joke. 

‘Doesn’t it scare you?’ 

Nerys nodded. 

‘It does. But at the same time…’ She pulled her hands free and brushed back her hair. ‘I always thought I was going to die fighting the Cardassians. I never really thought I’d have my own life. It was all about the Resistance. But now that’s over and… I’m still alive.’ 

‘That doesn’t mean you have to risk your life all over again.’ 

To Keiko’s surprise, Nerys laughed. 

‘I don’t have a martyr complex, Keiko. I’m just being realistic. Besides, if I’d said no… I would never have forgiven myself. Besides…’ She paused, trying to find the words. ‘There’s something called a _tentana_. It’s an appointed moment in someone’s life when the Prophets test you.’ 

‘Like a crossroads?’ 

Nerys nodded. 

‘Exactly.’ She returned to the matter at hand. ‘They always say, if the Prophets give you a _tentana,_ you’ll know. You’ll recognise it when it happens.’ She looked her in the eye. ‘When Julian turned to me in the runabout, even before he said anything, I knew that this was a_ tentana_.’ 

Keiko looked back at her. She found it hard to put it into words. 

‘Do you mean you think the Prophets set this up?’ she asked, trying to not betray the discomfort she felt at that idea. Nerys shook her head and smiled gently. 

‘No. That’s not how it works. The Prophets know the past and the present and the future. Every possible outcome of every decision. When they appoint a moment as a tentana, it’s so they can see the true nature of your pagh.’ Nerys met Keiko’s gaze. ‘But even if I had not had that feeling, I would have done the same thing.’ 

Keiko wanted to find something to say, but she could not. All she could think to do was to take her hand. Nerys smiled at her, then pulled her into an embrace. Keiko rested her head against her shoulder and her hand on her belly. She closed her eyes and concentrated on how Nerys combed her fingers through her hair. If only they could stay like that forever. 

Nerys took her hand from Keiko’s head. When she looked up at her, she saw that she was frowning, as if deep in thought. 

‘What’s the matter?’ 

Nerys sighed. 

‘Sorry.’ 

Keiko straightened up, looking at her with concern. 

‘Nerys, talk to me.’ 

She looked apologetic, but spoke.

‘I’ve been thinking. I want to call Shakaar.’ 

Keiko frowned. 

‘Now?’ 

‘It’s best to just get it over with,’ Nerys said. She sounded resigned, but at the same time much more matter-of-fact than Keiko had expected. 

‘Are you sure?’ she asked. ‘You’ve had a trying day.’ 

‘It’ll just get worse the longer I wait.’ 

Keiko could not argue with that. 

‘I think you’re right.’ 

Nerys moved to stand up, then paused and turned to Keiko.

‘I’ve asked a lot from you already, but… would you stay while I do this?’ 

Keiko nodded. 

‘Of course.’ She meant it – she did not like the thought of leaving Nerys to face this on her own. ‘I’ll be right here.’ 

Nerys smiled. It would be so easy, Keiko thought, to lean forward and kiss that smile. Then she rose, moving out of her reach. Keiko felt a mix of relief and disappointment. As Nerys crossed to the computer console, Keiko wondered how things would have played out if she had stayed there a fraction longer.

They were silent as Nerys worked to establish a link. Keiko could not see the screen from where she was sitting, but she saw how Nerys pulled herself up as the link started forming. Then she heard a man’s voice coming from the console.

‘Nerys!’

Nerys smiled at the screen. 

‘It’s good to see you.’ Her Bajoran sounded different from how Keiko had imagined it. It took her a moment to register what she had said. She was used to hearing Janitzan or the capital dialect of her colleagues, so Nerys’ Dakhur accent threw her.

‘_I’m so glad you called,_’ Shakaar said. He was easier to understand. Had he always spoken like that, or had he adopted a different dialect since his election? ‘_I have been meaning to contact you, but there was a vote of no confidence against the third minister – you probably heard…_’ 

‘I did.’ Nerys took a deep breath and pulled herself up. ‘Shakaar, I have something I need to tell you.’ 

A pause. 

_‘What is it, Nerys?_’ 

Was that suspicion in his voice? Fear? Worry? Keiko could not be sure she was not imagining it. 

‘Nine days ago, I was in the gamma quadrant,’ Nerys said. ‘I was escorting a civilian Federation scientist to a planet that a Starfleet vessel had surveyed. It was me, Professor O’Brien and the station’s chief medical officer.’ 

‘_Is that what they have you do as liaison?_’ Shakaar asked, displeasure in his voice. ‘_Being protection for Federation scientists_?’ 

‘Actually, I volunteered.’ Her voice was steady now, with no hint of the nerves from before. ‘Professor O’Brien is the wife of our chief of operations. At the time, she was pregnant.’ 

‘_Still, it is a waste of your talents._’ 

‘Shakaar, please. I’m trying to tell you something important. Let me finish.’ 

‘_Very well._’ 

‘On our way back, there was an accident. We passed through an asteroid belt and collided with one of the stones. Professor O’Brien was badly injured, and the child’s life was at stake, so I offered to serve as surrogate.’ 

The silence was so long that Keiko wondered if the connection had been broken. 

‘_What is it you’re saying_?’ Shakaar said finally. 

‘I’m pregnant.’ 

Now, she could hear Shakaar’s breathing. 

‘_How_?’ 

‘The Federation has developed ways of moving an unborn child from one person to another. Doctor Bashir is giving me medicines to allow me to carry a human baby.’ She spoke calmly, but under the table, her hand went to her belly. 

‘_But why?_’ 

‘There was no other option. I was the only viable choice.’ 

‘_There were other options, Nerys. Why risk your life for someone you owe nothing to?_’

‘Professor O’Brien is my friend.’ Her voice had grown a little sharper. ‘Even if she was not, I could not let the child die. Our faith forbids it!’

‘_What about your duty to Bajor? Can you still fulfil it?_’ 

‘Shakaar! I am not telling you this as the liaison of this station…’ 

‘_But I need to know to what extent you,_ as _the liaison of the station, are unable to do your duty. If war breaks out, can you take your proper place in the militia?_’ 

A fire that Keiko had not seen before had lit behind Nerys’ eyes. 

‘My responsibility now is to this child.’ 

‘_Your responsibility is to Bajor_,’ Shakaar snapped back. ‘_You used to understand the need to put the cause over personal matters_.’ 

‘We are not under occupation anymore.’ 

‘_No, we are in the crossfire of four powers, and as soon the Dominion invades, we will be on the front-lines._’ 

‘If this was your child, would you take that attitude?’ 

‘_It _isn’t _my child, and I know better than to get into that situation._’

‘So what would you have me do?’ Nerys asked, so loud that Keiko worried it would wake Molly. ‘It is done, Shakaar. I am carrying this child to term. It is the right thing to do.’ 

‘_You could have prevented getting into this situation. You must have passed through that asteroid belt when on your way there. You should have known that it was dangerous._’ 

‘A comet passed while we were on Torad V. It disrupted the orbit of the asteroids.’ 

‘_You could have anticipated that. If you couldn’t do that kind of piloting, you should have found a diff–_’

Shakaar’s voice voice cut off mid-word. Nerys let her hand fall. The look of decisiveness was already giving way to uncertainty. Keiko crossed to her. 

‘Nerys…’ 

She moved to put her hand over Nerys’, but she jerked hers away. Keiko drew back her hand. 

‘That’s not something I’ve ever done before.’ Her face looked blank, but her voice shook. 

‘He wasn’t listening to you,’ Keiko said. ‘I understand why you did what you did.’ 

Nerys looked down. Now, there was a look of regret on her face. 

‘Keiko, I…’ 

‘Yes?’ 

She closed her eyes. 

‘I need to go pray.’ She stood up and, without looking back, left the living-room. Keiko sank into the chair that Nerys had occupied until now. She looked at the now-blank screen. She was torn between anger and concern. It was an odd situation, and people’s first reaction was not always the best, but she did not want to be considerate towards Shakaar. Perhaps he had not been as harsh as she had thought – it could be hard to gauge emotions in other languages – but even if it had been milder, it was still too much. The way he had spoken to Nerys had made her want to get up and shout at him. However silly it felt, his comments about her had hurt her. The suggestion that Nerys owed her nothing was painful. That possessiveness – for his own sake and for Bajor’s – scared her. Did he really not see her as more than the resistance fighter she had been all those years ago? It seemed that way. She wondered too if there had been something like jealousy in her voice. She thought back to how she had seen Julian look at them, and remembered how Garak had talked about “your quarters”. In the confines of their home, it felt so natural, but perhaps it looked different from the outside. Had Shakaar noticed something, consciously or not, that had made her suspicious? 

It made her feel exhausted. She put her face in her hands. if she was very quiet, she could hear Nerys’ voice through the bulkhead. It was so quiet that she could not make out always the words. When she did, they were so archaic she did not understand them. 

‘_Kasheer, morai goshar. Petom berak denuk._’ 

What was she praying for? Guidance? Help? Grace? Keiko wished she could give her all of them. She could not. Indeed, she did not know even if the Prophets could. 

It felt wrong to listen. She moved to the sofa and got out a PADD with the scans of some of the Torad V samples. She felt too tired to take any of it in, but even eyeing through it was useful. She would be able to tell if any of the numbers were clearly wrong or if any of the pictures had been misfiled. As she swiped through them, she considered how to arrange them for analysis. The geographical arrangement had its merits, but she felt it would make it hard to make any broad conclusions. Perhaps she could start with an arrangement by basic types of plants and then apply the preliminary analysis to the geographical context. 

She stopped to look at the scan of a leaf. With a tap on the screen, she called up the map marking the location where it had been collected. No wonder she recognised it. She had picked a leaf just like it out of Nerys’ hair the day before they left Torad V. They had joked about how to describe it in the inventory. It had been just after that that Nerys had leaned in and kissed her. 

She could hear her again.

‘_Alukasa gon tarr pelan seranda._’ 

Keiko threw the PADD down. She felt like she was barrelling down a hill, and however much she tried to stop it, she kept going. Every moment in Nerys’ company was another possibility she would slip up. What would happen when she did? She imagined the consequences, for herself, Miles, Molly, the baby, Nerys, even beyond that. 

Perhaps she should tell Miles after all. The emotions felt heavy in her chest. If she could only tell him what she felt, perhaps it would get easier. That way, she was at least honest with him. It might make her actions a little less reprehensible. He might forgive her – or, he might lose faith in her altogether.

No, she was too tired to consider this now. It would not lead to anything productive. She would get ready for bed and hope she could get to sleep. Tiptoeing through the room where Molly was sleep, she went to the bedroom and put on pyjamas. She combed her hair and brushed her teeth. She turned off the light in the bathroom so she would not disturb Molly before she stepped out. She had had every intention to turn left to the bedroom, but now she hesitated. She wanted to make sure that Nerys was alright before she went to bed. She turned right, stepping into the living room. 

As she approached Nerys’ door, Keiko strained her ears. She could no longer hear her voice. At the door, she stopped, not sure what to do. 

‘Nerys?’ she said softly. There came no answer. She leaned closer, listening. There were no prayers to be heard, but now she could make something out: breaths, and with every one, a soft sob. ‘Nerys?’

Again, nothing. She stepped back, weighing her options. Then she reached out and pressed the door control. 

The room beyond was in darkness. In the dim light from the living room, she saw Nerys in bed. She lay perfectly still but for a tremble that went through her torso every time she breathed. Keiko stood frozen, torn between approaching and leaving. Then Nerys moved. Through the dark, she could make out her eyes fixed on hers. Keiko stepped closer. 

‘Nerys…’ She sat down on the edge of the bed and put her hand on Nerys’ shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry.’ 

Nerys let her head sink back onto the pillow. Keiko thought of all the things she could say: you did nothing wrong, he doesn’t deserve you, it’ll be okay. None of them seemed enough. When another sob sent a quiver down Nerys’ body, Keiko felt it as pain. She moved closer and leaned down. The hand on her shoulder turned into an embrace. Nerys shifted, turning onto her other side to face her. This close, Keiko could make out the tears on her cheeks. She reached up to wipe them away. Nerys’ eyes fluttered shut. Keiko pulled her legs onto the bed. Nerys touched her shoulder, then moved her hand onto her side. She avoided the bruises as if she could see them. Keiko put her head down on the pillow. She could feel Nerys’ breath against her skin. They must be almost nose to nose. Her hand wandered from her cheek, down her arm, onto her belly. Nerys put her hand over hers. 

This was foolish. She knew that full well. At the same time, she did not care. She could not fight this urge. Instead, she crept under the covers. Nerys turned, pulling Keiko’s arm around her. The sobs had stopped now. Her breaths grew deeper and slower. Keiko moved closer. The short hairs on Nerys’ neck prickled her cheek. She could feel the baby stir under her hand. Her body was growing heavier. There was no resisting it. She sank.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes in the discussion of Shinto. Any errors are my own. I have read around, but it was hard to find good robust explanations of some concepts, so I cannot be certain I managed to be entirely accurate.

‘Keiko!’ 

The hiss came from far away, beyond the boudnaries of sleep. 

‘Keiko!’ 

A hand on her shoulder. The waking world engulfed her. At first, she did not know where she was. Then her surroundings came into focus: the narrow bed, the altar, the presence beside her. 

She sat up fast. Nerys pulled away, narrowly avoiding a collision. 

‘What’s the time?’ Keiko asked in an urgent whisper. 

‘0550.’ 

Keiko swore, crudely enough that she doubted Nerys understood it. She threw off the covers and got out of bed. 

‘Miles will be up any minute.’ 

Nerys stiffened.

‘What do we tell him?’ she asked. 

‘Nothing,’ Keko said. Even as she said it, she wondered why she had not said “the truth”. Nothing had happened. All they’d done was sleep in the same bed. 

But their bodies had intertwined and their lips had hovered close. That nothing happened was not all true. 

‘You have to say something,’ Nerys said. ‘He’ll know you didn’t sleep in your own bed…’ 

She wasn’t wrong. If Miles had come home and not found Keiko, he was going to worry. She looked over at the closed door. Had she really shut it last night? She had not intended to get into bed, only to comfort Nerys for a few minutes. If the door had been left open, had Miles looked inside? Had he seen them? 

‘We don’t have time for this,’ Keiko said. She wanted to say or do something before she left – plant a kiss on Nerys’ cheek or something – but she did not dare. Instead, she just looked at her for another few seconds before turning to the door. 

She stepped outside cautiously. The living room was empty. She picked up her shawl and wrapped it around herself in lieu of her dressing gown. She oculd make out sounds from the master bedroom. She had always found the sound of Miles’ footsteps endearing. Just looking at him, you would expect them to be heavy and loud, but even when he wore boots, his steps were measured and careful. When he was barefoot, as now, all that could be heard was the whisper of the thick skin of his soles slipping against the floor. Keiko heard it now, then how it stopped. 

‘Good morning, sweetie.’ 

She could imagine him stooping and kissing Molly on the brow. Briefly, she heard his footsteps again, before the bathroom closing. She shook herself. Better to look busy, she decided. Heading over to the replicator, she ordered a pot of coffee and some cream. It appeared on a tray along with three mugs. She carried it to the table and placed out the mugs. She was waiting for the orange juice to be replicated when the door opened. The sound of bare feet came closer. 

‘Good morning,’ she said, not turning around. 

‘Good morning,’ Miles said. The pitcher of juice and the glasses stopped sparkling and she took them over to the table. Miles, still ruffled from sleep, reached out to take the pticher. She let him and went back to the the replicator. 

‘Let me…’ 

She gestured to him to sit down. 

‘It’s okay.’ 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw how he sat down and sipped his coffee. 

‘Mm.’ 

She smiled when she brought over a plate of toast to the table but she did not say anything. Every possible line opened up the possibility of the wrong questions. “Did you sleep well?” could be met with “not when you were somewhere else”, “how was your shift?” could elicit “good but you weren’t there when I came home”. She bought the last of the breakfast things to the table. Only then did she speak: 

‘I’ll go wake Molly.’ 

Not waiting for an answer, she went to the little room. Molly must be lying curled up under the covers, because Keiko could not see her, only the mound created by the duvet. 

‘Molly, time to get up.’ 

The covers shifted and grumbled: 

‘Don’t wanna.’ 

Keiko sat down on the bedside.

‘Hello? Anyone home?’ she said and stuck her head under the covers. Through the dark, she saw Molly clap her hands over her mouth and giggle. ‘There you are!’ She lay down beside her and started tickling her. Molly’s giggles turned into shrieks of delight. The tickling turned into a hug, and Molly’s flailing limbs relaxed. 

‘Are you tired, mummy?’ she asked. 

Keiko smiled. 

‘Yes, a little. But I’m alright.’ She sat up. ‘Come on. Let’s go have some breakfast.’ 

Keiko rose and held onto her daughter so she did not fall when she climbed down. Molly took Lupi under her arm. She ran ahead into the living room. As Keiko followed, she heard Miles call: 

‘Hello there!’ 

‘Hello, daddy. Can I have toast with marmalade?’ 

‘That’s a weekend breakfast, and today is Thursday. That’s not the weekend, is it?’ His tone was so fond that Keiko thought he might give in. 

Keiko stepped into the living room. Miles looked up and smiled. It surprised her. She had been so certain he was angry, the affection in his eyes threw her. She smiled back, although she felt it was not as convincing. 

‘Mummy, can I have toast with marmalade?’ Molly asked. Keiko came to sit down. 

‘Daddy’s right. It’s only Thursday.’ 

‘Can I have cheese, then?’ 

‘Definitely,’ Miles said. ‘Just a second, honey.’ He picked up the coffee pot and filled Keiko’s mug. She smiled. 

‘Thank you.’ 

‘Did things go okay yesterday?’ he asked as he started preparing Molly’s toast. At her blank look, he added: ‘Nerys’ appointment.’ 

‘Oh. Yes.’ Keiko had not understood what he meant at first. The evening loomed too large in her mind. ‘It went well. Nerys is fine, the baby is fine.’ 

‘Good,’ he said. ‘I assumed as much, but…’ He shrugged. 

‘Didn’t you see her in the afternoon yesterday?’ Keiko asked. 

‘Yes, but it was in Ops. Not the place to ask that kind of thing.’ He turned to Molly and gave her the toast. ‘There you go, Molly. Do you want some juice?’ 

‘Yes please!’ 

Nerys’ door opened. She was already in uniform, although her hair was not quite combed. She froze, still in the doorway. Perhaps it was the sight of the three of them at the breakfast table, but Keiko was very aware that she was looking straight at her. 

‘Good morning,’ Miles said, turning in his chair to look at her. ‘Come join us. Have some breakfast.’ 

‘Sorry, I can’t,’ Nerys said. ‘Odo asked to go through some reports before the start of shift. I’ll have something at the replimat.’

Miles smiled. 

‘See you in Ops, then.’ 

‘See you,’ Keiko said. Molly waved. 

‘Bye, Aunt Nerys!’ 

Nerys smiled at them. Did her eyes linger on Keiko, or was she imagining it? Before she could make her mind up, Nerys turned away and left the quarters. They went back to their breakfast. Miles chatted to Molly about the voles on the station. Keiko only half-listened. It all felt so ordinary. She had expected a backlash, but here they were, as if this was any other day. She felt a little annoyed that Nerys had left so hastily – she very much doubted that Odo was not a convenient excuse. Still, she could not fault her. Unable to stop herself, she sighed. Nerys had never asked for any of this. 

‘Everything okay, darling?’ Miles said. 

‘Mm.’ Keiko nodded. ‘Just thinking about the Torad V samples.’ 

‘How are they looking?’ 

‘Really interesting. I was planning to continue with them today,’ she said. 

He smiled. 

‘Do you want help with your hypos?’ 

She shook her head. 

‘That’s okay. I’ll do it before I leave.’

‘Where are you going?’ Molly asked. 

‘I’m just going to the lab.’ 

‘Can I come with you?’ 

Keiko shook her head, smiling apologetically. 

‘I’m sorry, honey. The lab is not for kids,’ she said. ‘It can be dangerous. I’ll be home by lunch.’ 

‘That’s _ages_,’ Molly said, pouting. 

‘We can see if Jake can keep you company,’ Miles said. Molly lit up. Keiko smiled into her coffee. She hoped that Jake would be able to babysit. He always managed to keep Molly’s mood up in a way that not even the Fredriksons could. 

‘I’m not going just yet, sweetie,’ Keiko said. ‘It’s still very early.’ 

Molly picked up her half-eaten toast with both hands. 

‘Good.’ 

Keiko smiled and leaned back. She looked over at Miles. She had expected to find him looking at her, but he was still concentrated on Molly. She should be happy that there was no confrontation, but she did not see how that was. This ordinariness felt inauthentic, held together by a few disarming smiles and common phrases. But maybe she was just imagining it. She might just be paranoid, and this was what it seemed to be and nothing more. Would she prefer a fight? No, of course not, but sitting here, smiling at her husband and child, felt insincere. The three of them at the breakfast table, like it had been before the accident, was not enough. Even if she had still been pregnant, it would not be enough. 

When Miles looked up at her, she smiled. It was not a lie – just not the whole truth.

***

Keiko had looked forward to the distractions that the lab had to offer. Leaving Molly with Jake, she took her PADDs and headed to the outer ring to work on her samples. Dax let her in, but did not stay, explaining she was was needed in Ops. For the first hour, Keiko focused only on the work. She was looking through some of the scans of aboreal root-structures as the computer ran analyses on the tree saplings she had collected. Just as her observations on the scans were coming together, Dax returned. 

‘Don’t let me disturb you,’ she said. ‘I just need to run through some data.’ Dax sat down at her console and started tapping out commands. Keiko tried to regain her train of thought, but it was useless. The ideas were no longer going anywhere. Her mind was back where it had been this morning. She put down her stylus. 

‘Dax?’ 

‘Mmm?’ 

‘Are you still dating Captain Boday?’ 

Dax glanced up and grinned. 

‘We see each other when he’s around, yes.’ 

Keiko hesitated.

‘I thought that you were seeing M’Pella.’ 

‘I am,’ Dax said, not looking away from her screen now. 

‘Do they know about each other?’ 

‘Yes, of course. Last time Boday was docked here, we had dinner together. They got on pretty well.’ Dax smiled. ‘But that is just an added bonus.’ 

Keiko nodded – she did not know what else to do. Could she actually ask any more without giving away her reasons? If she asked anything more than the most general questions, it would be obvious that she was looking for advice. Dax would give it to her, she was sure, but she did not really trust Dax to keep her secret. Keiko supposed she could ask something else about how those two parallel relationships had started, but she had a feeling it would not be useful. The foundations would have been laid from the beginning. For Keiko, that was five years too late. 

She stood up. 

‘I’m going to go for a walk.’ 

‘Do you want me to switch over your samples?’ Dax asked. 

‘These are going to take a while. I’ll be back before they’re done.’ 

‘Okay.’ Dax smiled. ‘Have a good walk.’ 

Keiko smiled back and left the lab. A turbolift took her down one of the cross-bridges, to the promenade. She got off on the second level. She was one of only a few people there. Two Bajoran monks were walking side by side, deep in discussion. A Starfleet engineer was working on something behind a wall-panel. One of Odo’s deputies was walking the length of the gallery, keeping an eye out for trouble. No one would bother her. She was just a civilian out for a stroll. 

She and Miles had never really discussed the question of other people in their relationship. The thought had crossed her mind just after they had got engaged, but she had not dared to broach the subject. She had been afraid that he would react badly. She knew that Miles was far less conventional than people thought, but when it came to marriage, he was keen to do it right. It had not been a deal-breaker for her, so she decided to wait to see if he mentioned it. When he did not, she had let it slide. It did not seem important in the grand scheme of things. 

During the rough patch they had gone through last year, she had wondered if they had rushed into marriage. They had only been dating for a little over a year. Now, she forced herself to approach that question again. She had to know if what she felt was truly about Nerys, or just a reaction to Miles. She focused her thoughts on her husband, both his virtues and his flaws. Of course there were things she did not like. He could be pig-headed. He had a temper. He became so focused on his little projects that he could become lost to the world. But none of those things, annoying as they were, swayed her. In fact, in other situations they were things she loved about him. He was tenacious, passionate, single-minded. In the months between the end of the expedition and her accident, things had been better than they had been for a long time. That must be saying something, she thought. It had arguably been the two hardest months in their marriage, first with Miles’ mental health issues and then with Keiko’s injuries, and their relationship had still not suffered. No, this was not about him.

Her thoughts turned to Nerys. Even the thought of her caused a flutter in her stomach. It was not something that had come about just because of the fetal transfer. Even if it had not been as strong then, she had felt it on Torad V, and so had Nerys. It was she who had kissed Keiko. The feelings were still there, she was sure. Nerys’ eyes sparkled when she looked at her. She knew these things could be hard to tell with other species and cultures – she still found it very funny that a Cardassian engineer had interpreted Miles’ bad mood as flirtation. Despite that caveat, she was sure that the looks and touches she noticed in Nerys meant just what she thought they did. 

Still, that left the big question. What did she want out of it? That she felt the same as Keiko did not mean that she necessarily wanted the same. Here, there was no guessing. She simply had to ask. _Easier said than done._ There were myriad complications. What about her relationship with Shakaar? After yesterday, it was not clear how much of a future it had. Keiko was fairly sure her urge to tell Nerys to break it off was because she had her best interest at heart, but Nerys might not want to do that. Even if she did, she might not be comfortable having a relationship with someone married. 

Then there was the question of how Nerys would feel about acting on attraction towards another woman. All Keiko knew about Bajoran attitudes had come from one of the Janitza expedition’s botanists and her partner. From what she had gathered, Bajoran opinions of same-gender love were – or at least had been – diverse. Before the Cardassian occupation, attitudes had varied between castes. In some, it was prohibited, in others, it was tolerated, even celebrated. When the _d’jarras _were abandoned, it was a decision made from desperation, and none of the Bajoran leaders had taken the time to elaborate which moral code would be adopted. Different attitudes still survived, but it was not always connected to the _d’jarra_ of a person’s ancestors. The occupation had sundered families and displaced children, breaking the bonds to the old castes. What was more, over fifty years under Cardassian law, that took a dim view of what they called sexual immorality, had definitely skewed Bajoran opinion towards the negative. 

She stopped to lean against a porthole. A ship – Tellarite, she thought – was in sight. It must have just undocked. She watched as it turned in a wide arc, away from the station. Today was Thursday. Miles would be meeting Julian to go to the holosuites. She would have the opportunity to talk to Nerys. 

Keiko sighed. Being on her own with Nerys was exciting and terrifying all at once. She did not want to ruin whatever it was they had. And what if, left to their own devices, something happened between them? She shook herself. They weren’t hormonal teenagers. They should be able to control themselves. 

A bright light illuminated the sky. The wormhole had opened. She watched how the blue swirles reached out, then spiralled back into nothingness. The Tellarite ship must have passed through. No ship would probably go through for the rest of the day. Still, Keiko lingered at the porthole, watching.

***

The day continued in such an ordinary way that it was frustrating. Keiko checked in on her samples before going home. She made lunch for Molly and helped her with her homework. She read a chapter of the monograph on lichen. She had dinner on the table by the time Miles and Nerys came home, both tired after a day of dealing with the vole infestation. Apparently Quark had tried to catch some to pitch against each other for sport, and in the process had impeded the the official attempts at capture. Keiko had expected Miles to take her aside to ask where she had been that night, but it never came. He was just more quiet than usual. He did not speak much during dinner, and after that, he sat down to read. She had expected him to comment on the game of Go she was playing against Nerys, but he did not seem to have noticed it. Eventually, he got up and put aside his book.

‘I’ll be going then,’ he said. Keiko looked up and gave him a smile. 

‘Have a good time.’ 

Nerys gave him a wave. When the door had closed behind him, she looked over at Keiko. 

‘Holosuites?’ 

Keiko nodded. 

‘Yes. Battle of Britain.’ 

‘I’ve been wondering,’ Nerys said. ‘What is Britain?’ 

Keiko could not help but smile. 

‘You really don’t know?’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘It’s a place on Earth.’ 

‘Oh, alright. I don’t know anything about Earth geography, really.’ 

‘Wait a second.’ Keiko reached for a PADD. With a few taps, she called up a map of Earth. Nerys moved closer to look at it. ‘So,’ Keiko said and pointed. ‘This is the British Isles. In the 1940s, there was a nation-state called Great Britain, which was this island here, and a little bit of this one too.’ She was simplifying, but it was necessary. ‘They were at war with a nation-state called Germany, which was here, on this mainland. The Battle of Britain was the British counter-attacks against a German air-campaign.’ 

Nerys listened intently, then asked. 

‘So is that where Julian is from?’ 

‘Yes, exactly. I _think_ he’s born in London, which is about here.’ She pointed with the nail of her little finger. Then she moved it west. ‘And this is Ireland, where Miles is from.’ 

‘And you?’ 

‘Almost the other side of the planet.’ She dragged her finger over the PADD to make the globe rotate, stopping it when it reached the Pacific. ‘Here. These islands are Japan. This one is Kyushu. I was born here, in Kumamoto.’ 

Nerys considered the map. 

‘What is Earth like?’ she asked. 

Keiko put the PADD down and leaned back. 

‘It’s hard to say. It’s so different in different places, even more so than Bajor.’ 

‘Where you’re from, then,’ Kira said. ‘Kumamoto.’ She said it with care, imitating how Keiko had said it. ‘What’s it like?’ 

Keiko smiled when thinking of it. 

‘It’s beautiful. It’s built around a river, just by the sea. There is an old castle, and big parks and forests and shrines.’ She cut herself off - she was not doing it justice. ‘It’s hard to describe what makes it special. Knowing it as a child, it all looks different, you know? You take it for granted, so it’s hard to put it in words.’ 

‘I can guess,’ Nerys said sincerely. At once, Keiko regretted her words. Of course Nerys did not know that feeling. She had grown up in refugee camps. Those places could not be improved by the rose-tinted filter of childhood. 

Still, Nerys did not seem offended. It had barely dented her mood.

‘You said shrines,’ she said. ‘I’ve noticed that humans don’t seem to talk much about faith. I thought it might just be that you didn’t have religion.’ 

‘Oh we do,’ Keiko said. ‘We just tend to see it as something private. Not that we won’t talk about it. Sometimes, it’s hard not to. Miles and I are from different religions, so we had to figure out what to do when Molly came along.’ 

‘What did you do?’ Nerys asked.

‘We’re letting her figure it out herself. Perhaps she’ll choose one, or both, or neither.’ 

Nerys looked intrigued, but Keiko had a feeling that it was an alien thought to her. 

‘What are the shrines in Kumamoto like?’ she asked instead. 

Keiko changed the way she was sitting. 

‘Very tranquil. Quiet. It tends to be fenced off from its surroundings. There’s a gate that marks where the sacred ground begins and then a path to the buildings. There’s a place for purifying yourself. Then there’s a hall for worship and ceremonies, and the main hall where the _kami_ are housed.’ 

‘Are _kami_ your gods?’ 

‘Essentially yes, but it’s a little more complicated than that.’ 

‘And your belief is that they live in the shrines?’ 

‘Not really,’ Keiko said. ‘What’s kept in the shrine are physical objects that the kami temporarily inhabit. They’re called _shintai_. It can be something like a mirror. Sometimes, it’s a landmark, like a mountain.’ 

Now, Nerys looked interested. 

‘It doesn’t sound all that different from the orbs.’ 

‘It’s not, really.’ Keiko pushed herself up with a small groan. The stiffness in her back was not helped by her heavy breasts. ‘Excuse me.’ She fetched the pump and shawl, and settled back on the sofa. They were quiet for a while as she started. Then Nerys spoke. 

‘I’d like to see Earth sometime.’

‘Do you know what you’d like to see?’

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘There’s a lot, I imagine.’ 

‘There is.’ 

‘Do you ever miss it?’ 

‘Oh, all the time,’ Keiko said. ‘I was only supposed to be away for two years on the _Enterprise_, but I met Miles and, well, you know the rest.’ She was going to leave it like that, but felt she had to clarify. ‘I am glad it turned out the way it did, of course. I wouldn’t want to be stuck on Earth. The plants I got to work with on Bajor were wonderful, and Torad V…’ She did not have the words to describe Torad V. ‘But I do miss it.’ She started playing with a tassel on her shawl. A sudden melancholy had descended upon her. ‘Perhaps, someday, we can go back.’ 

Nerys touched her hand. 

‘If you do, you’d better have a spare room,’ she said with a smile, ‘because I’m going to come see you.’ 

Keiko smiled back. 

‘Of course. We can’t deprive you of your niece – or your nephew for that matter.’ She waved towards Nerys’ stomach in explanation. Nerys’ hand went to it. 

As if the mention had summoned her, Molly rounded the sofa. She had her hairbrush in her hand.

‘Mummy, can you brush my hair?’ 

‘I can do it, if you like,’ Nerys said. Keiko smiled gratefully. She could pump with just one hand, but it was awkward. 

‘Do you know how to make braids?’ Molly asked. 

‘I do.’ She moved to the side and patted the spot on the sofa. Molly climbed up and sat down. Nerys started brushing her hair. ‘I used to have hair as long as yours once.’ 

‘Really?’ Molly said, turning around to look at her. ‘Why did you cut it off?’ 

‘It got in the way sometimes,’ she said. ‘And I didn’t have time to braid it.’ 

Gently, she made Molly turn her back on her and continue brushing out her hair. Keiko watched them, trying to imagine Nerys with long hair. She might have to ask if there were pictures. 

Molly yawned wide. 

‘I think it’s time for you to go to bed, honey,’ Keiko said. Molly blinked a few times. 

‘Okay.’ She looked over her shoulder at Nerys. ‘Can you tell me the story about the girl and the fish again?’ 

Nerys smiled and tied off the braid she had made. 

‘Of course.’ 

Nerys stood. Molly got up on her knees and kissed Keiko on the cheek. 

‘Good night, mummy.’ 

Keiko gave her a one-armed hug. 

‘Good night, Molly. Sweet dreams.’ 

They left the living room, hand in hand. Keiko shifted to a more comfortable position and continued pumping. As she did, her thoughts wandered back to how she had watched the wormhole opening that morning. She remembered when they had passed through on their way to Torad V. She had never gone through the wormhole before, and she had watched, wide-eyed, as their surroundings changed. Julian had smiled at her reaction, but really he had seemed as awestruck as she had. Nerys had concentrated on the controls, but Keiko had noticed how her lips moved soundlessly. As they left the wormhole and entered the gamma quadrant, she had closed her eyes for a moment. Keiko thought the words she had said had been a prayer. It made sense – she was passing through a place that was sacred to her.

Did the Prophets hear those prayers? How odd it was, to know with certainty that these beings existed but disagree on whether or not they were gods. She had often thought that invoking the divine to explain what you did not comprehend was no less than an act of thought-stopping. But the beings in the wormhole defied their understanding. They did not have a concept of linear time. They had the ability to influence people and things that came into contact with them in a way unlike anything else. Was that not the description of gods? 

When Keiko had gone home to Earth for her mother’s hundredth birthday, she had gone for a walk through Suizenji Jojuen Park. She had reflected on the similarities between Shinto and the Bajoran faith before, but as she had passed Izumi shrine, she had thought about it in a different way. The question of the nature of the _kami_ from a scientific point-of-view had been one she had always avoided. They existed because they were worshipped. She had not wanted to consider whether they existed before those rituals had been devised. On that day, however, she had dared to approach the thought: did the _kami_ exist in the same way as the Prophets did? Were there beings of similar powers residing in the mountains and the storms and the land? Briefly she had considered taking the_ ofuda_ of the household altar when she came back to the station and run some tests on it. She had quickly decided against it. It felt wrong. Besides, what would she learn from it? She was sure that the prayer discs that Vedek Yassim kept in the shrine probably did not give off the kind of energy readings that an Orb did. The_ ofuda_ itself might be as mundane – it was just ink and hemp. The mundanity of the discs did not make the aliens in the wormhole less real. Of course, one possible answer was that the Prophets in fact were _kami_. Keiko found she rather liked that idea. 

She had almost emptied her breasts when Nerys stepped out of the little room and closed the door after her. 

‘You were right. She wanted to hear it all again.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘Say what you will, she knows what she likes.’ 

Nerys sat down on the sofa again. Keiko noticed how she kept her eyes turned away, trying not to look at her breasts. 

‘It doesn’t feel as odd as it looks,’ Keiko said. Nerys smiled, although she did looked a little embarrassed. 

‘You’re putting it in a stasis chamber down in the infirmary?’ 

‘Yes, but it’s just a precaution,’ Keiko said. ‘I’m hoping to be able to breast-feed the baby when he’s born. I just need to keep this up. But if I can’t, we’ll have some non-replicated milk to give him.’ She got the last drops out and put aside the bottle. ‘Would you screw on that lid?’ she asked, putting herself back into her bra. Nerys screwed on the top of the bottle.

‘I don’t know what to do with my milk when it comes,’ she said. She seemed about to continue, but then changed her mind. Keiko finished buttonign her shirt and leaned forward a little.

‘What is it?’ she asked softly. 

Nerys shook herself, looking awkward. 

‘I asked Julian if the baby might need it,’ she said, her tone like that of a confession. ‘But apparently there are too many differences between human and Bajoran milk.’ She looked away. ‘Never mind,’ she said. ‘Not my place.’ 

Keiko frowned. 

‘Why is it not your place?’ 

‘He’s your baby,’ Nerys said quickly. ‘Once he’s born, you should be the one to care for him.’ 

It took Keiko a moment to find the composure to speak. 

‘Nerys, are you worried I will feel upstaged?’ 

Nerys’ shoulders slumped. 

‘Maybe?’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘That’s just silly,’ she said fondly. ‘I’m not jealous. Just grateful. As far as I’m concerned, we’re in this together. Even when he’s born, that won’t change the fact that you carried him.’ 

Nerys relaxed and smiled back. 

‘Perhaps I could bottle-feed him sometime.’ 

‘Absolutely,’ Keiko said. ‘We’ll need all the help we can get. Speaking of help, there might be hospitals or orphanages on Bajor that needs breast-milk. You might be able to donate it.’ 

‘That’s a good point,’ Nerys said. She leaned back. ‘It still feels very far away, though.’ 

‘You’d be surprised,’ Keiko said. ‘You think it’s ages away, and the next thing you know, there you are, having a baby.’ 

Nerys laughed. Then she looked serious again. 

‘About that,’ she said. ‘How do you want the baby to be born?’ 

Keiko frowned. 

‘How do you mean?’ 

‘I mean, if there is some way you would prefer it to be done?’ Realising she was not explaining it well, Nerys said: ‘I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to have a natural birth. As long as it’s safe, of course. How would you feel about it?’ 

‘I wouldn’t mind at all,’ Keiko said. ‘Although I don’t think natural births are all they’re cracked up to be. When I gave birth to Molly, I could have killed for some pain-relief.’ 

‘That’s not really a problem for Bajorans.’ 

Keiko looked at her, perplexed. 

‘Bajoran births don’t hurt,’ Nerys said. 

‘Not at all?’ 

‘Not when they go right. I don’t understand the science,’ Nerys admitted, ‘but apparently your body floods with endorphins so you can’t feel it happening.’ 

‘That’s very clever.’ 

‘You have to be completely relaxed for the labour to happen.’ 

‘That makes some sense, from an evolutionary point-of-view,’ Keiko said. ‘You’d want to give birth somewhere where without danger, especially if you are going to stop feeling pain for a while.’ She did wonder what would happen if the expectant parent could not find somewhere where they could feel safe. She decided not to ask – who knew what Nerys might have seen of that in the Resistance? 

‘There are rituals that are usually performed during Bajoran births,’ Nerys said. ‘There are prayers and music and some ritual phrases to welcome the child.’ 

Keiko smiled. 

‘That sounds wonderful.’

‘Would you be alright with that?’ Nerys asked. ‘If there are rituals you want to follow – this is _your_ baby.’ 

‘But it’s _your_ delivery,’ Keiko said. ‘Of course you should do it the Bajoran way, as long it’s safe. I think it sounds wonderful.’ She smiled. ‘But I would say that. My delivery happened in a bar full of people with a nervous Klingon for a midwife.’

Nerys laughed. 

‘I wouldn’t want to give birth in Quark’s.’ 

‘Ugh.’

Her smiles turned tender. 

‘Thank you, for the support.’ 

Keiko reached out and pressed her hand. 

‘Of course.’ 

She let go of her hand.   
‘I just have to put these away,’ she said, picking up the bottles she had filled. ‘Won’t be a minute.’

Careful not to wake Molly, she went into the bedroom. She put the bottles in the stasis box in the corner. It was filling up fast. They would probably have to take it down to the infirmary tomorrow, but there was no rush. There was enough room for the morning pump. When she turned to leave, something on the dresser caught her eye – Miles’ leather aviator cap. She picked it up and took it with her into the living-room. 

‘Look what Miles forgot.’ She held it up. Nerys laughed. 

‘Let me see.’ 

Keiko gave it to her and sat down. She watched as she turned it this way and that, inspecting it. 

‘It’s so silly.’ 

‘It is,’ Keiko agreed, ‘but it’s historically accurate, apparently.’ 

‘So this was used for flying vehicles?’ Nerys said. 

Keiko nodded. 

‘Yes – propeller air planes.’ 

‘It does look a bit like what aerocraft pilots used to wear.’ Grabbing it by the flaps, she put it on. ‘How do I look?’ 

It was hard to settle on a word. The cap was not in itself flattering, but Nerys wore it well. It made her look like a twentieth-century aviatrix, ready to conquer the skies in her biplane. 

‘It suits you,’ Keiko said. Nerys’ smile broadened. Laughter lines appeared on her cheeks, and the skin at the corner of her eyes crinkled. Looking at her was like stopping in the street on a spring day and turning your face up to the sun to feel the long-awaited warmth. Her eyes sparkled like dew on petals at dawn. Keiko reached out and touched her cheek. The smile softened, becoming less broad but staying just as sincere. 

‘Keiko…’ she said quietly, not so much an address as an acknowledgement. Keiko’s fingers ghosted over her face. Her smile disappeared. Instead, her lips parted in anticipation. Keiko leaned closer. 

The kiss was slow but deliberate. There was no hesitation from either of them. Their lips moved against each other, delicately parting to meet in new ways. Nerys pushed forward, bumping against her playfully. Keiko laughed and gave in to the momentum of their bodies. She fell onto her back. Nerys followed. Keiko grabbed the undone chinstraps of keep her close. 

Her mind caught up. Mid-kiss, she moved her head to the side. 

‘Nerys.’ 

Nerys froze. With startling speed, she sat back. Her eyes were wide now. The look in them were no longer of delight, but shock. Keiko pushed herself up onto her elbows. 

‘I think we need to talk,’ she said, but Nerys had already looked away. She picked the cap from her head. It fell from her limp fingers. A tremble went through her body. Then, she was on her feet. 

Keiko sat up fast and started getting to her feet. 

‘Nerys!’ 

She had moved too suddenly. A wave of dizziness washed over her, forcing her back down onto the sofa. She extended her hand, but Nerys was already out of reach. In a few long strides, she was at her door. She fumbled with the door panel. Her shoulders were shaking now. As soon as it slid open, Nerys stepped through. She did not look back, but Keiko still caught sight of the tears glistening on her cheek. 

Then the door closed, and she was alone. The dizziness gone now, she stood up. She was at the door with her fist raised when she changed her mind. Her hand fell. She turned and went back to the sofa. With every step, every bruise ached, every insicion seared. It was like the damage was new again. She sank down and put her face in her hands. How foolish she had been! All she had had to do was to bring it up, calmly and reasonably, but instead, she had completely forgotten about it. There had been so many things to talk about. The conversation they had to have had seemed insignificant. She moved her hands down and covered her mouth. She did not want Molly to wake from her sobs, but more than that, she wanted to keep the feeling of Nerys’ lips there. The memory was already fading. 

She stayed on the sofa, for how long she did not know. Every moment, she hoped that Nerys’ door was going to open. She did not care if Nerys stepped out to scream at her or weep or kiss her harder than before. All she wanted was for her to appear. 

She did not. After a long wait, Keiko forced herself off the sofa. She did not want to fall asleep watching Nerys’ door, like some love-sick character from a ballad. She went to bed, unwilling to sleep but tired to the bone. Her eyes hurt from the crying, and her body ached worse than it had for days. She had started to nod off when she heard noises from outside. For a second, she thought it might be Nerys who had come to see her. Then she heard those familiar footsteps. She turned onto her side, her back to the door. Miles did not turn the lights on to undress. She lay still as he placed his uniform in the laundry and put on his pyjamas. She would happily have kept up the charade, but when the mattress shifted from his weight, she moved, enough to betray her. 

A whisper:

‘It’s just me, darling.’ 

The covers were pulled back a little as he got into bed. She rolled onto her back and reached out. Her fingers ran through his damp hair. 

‘Good night,’ she whispered. 

‘Good night.’ 

He turned onto this side, facing away from her. She let her hand fall from his head.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that this chapter includes mentions of homophobia and corrective rape.

There was no conversation over breakfast the next day. Miles sat swirling the coffee in his cup, lost to the world. Keiko did not try to speak. She had woken up several times in the night, listening for footsteps that never came. Now, she was exhausted and shivery, almost like she was coming down with something. She had checked her temperature and found that it was normal. Last night’s distress had left a physical imprint, it seemed. Nerys’ door was closed shut. 

When eight o’clock approached and Nerys had still not shown, Keiko broke the silence. 

‘Did you see Nerys before I came up?’ 

Miles looked up, startled out of his thoughts. 

‘No,’ he said. ‘I think she’s still asleep.’ 

‘That’s not like her. She’s usually on duty by seven at the latest.’ 

‘She’s off today.’ Miles returned to staring at his empty coffee mug, but Keiko gave him a questioning look. ‘The captain told her to take today off. He thinks she’s working too hard.’ 

‘Oh.’ It made her both less and more worried. It explained why Nerys had not emerged to go to Ops, but it also meant she was purposefully staying away from them. ‘It’s late for her to still sleep.’ 

‘She probably needs it,’ Miles said. ‘Pregnancy takes it out of you.’ 

‘True.’ She looked down at her PADD for a while before speaking again. ’I need to work in the lab today. Could you see if Molly could be with the Fredriksons today?’ 

‘Sure.’ He stood up. ‘I’ll get onto it.’ 

Keiko stayed at the table as he commed their neighbours. She only half-listened in. Her eyes are still on Nerys’ door. She had scared her off, that was clear. Would she move back to her own quarters? Would she even want to see Keiko after last night? It all felt so stupid. She had ruined it, for herself and for Miles and for Molly, not to mention for Nerys. That might be the worst of it, she reflected. Nerys had kissed her with such passion, but something Keiko had said or done had pushed her away. 

Miles interrupted her thoughts. 

‘They say she’s very welcome.’ 

Keiko forced a smile. 

‘Good.’ 

‘I’ll take her over now, on my way to Ops.’ 

She nodded, about to leave it at that, but then she remembered. Miles was almost through the door to the little room in search for Molly. 

‘Miles?’ 

He turned around.

‘Yes?’ 

‘The stasis box is full,’ she said. ‘Could you take it with you and leave it with Julian?’ 

For no more than a moment, Miles went strangely still. His brows furrowed, his mouth thinned, and a look like fear entered his eyes. Keiko wondered if he somehow knew what had happened between her and Nerys last night. Maybe she should just tell him. 

Then it passed. 

‘Of course.’ He gave her a tight smile – perhaps a little forced, but nevertheless truly felt. 

‘Thanks,’ Keiko said and returned to the results of her analyses yesterday. Most days, she would do little more than eye through it and still be able to take it in. Now, she managed to read less than two lines before Miles returned, holding Molly by the hand. She put down the PADD. 

‘Have a nice time, darling,’ she said to Molly and reached out for her. Molly hugged her. 

‘Bye, mummy.’ 

Keiko let go of her and stood. She looked up at Miles. He bit his lip. 

‘I love you very much, you know,’ he said. Keiko felt her throat grow tighter from equal parts gratitude and guilt. She wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back. 

‘I love you so much,’ she whispered. His grip around her tightened. When they let go of each other, Keiko noticed Molly looking up at them with concerned eyes. Keiko mussed her hair. 

‘See you in the afternoon, Molly.’ She squeezed Miles’ arm a final time. ‘See you.’ 

‘See you.’ He pecked her on the lips. Keiko sat down and awtched them leave. Molly waved cheerfully all the way into the corridor. 

Then the door closed and Keiko was alone. She put down the PADD with a sigh. The wretched feeling of having lied settled in her stomach. She had no intention of going to the lab today. She did not have the presence of mind to even look at the data she had collected. Nothing could happen before she sorted this out. 

She took the time to put the last of the breakfast things back into the replicator and look over her clothes. She even brushed her hair again. When she stepped back into the living room, Nerys’ door seemed to dominate her field of vision. She took a deep breath and swallowed her reluctance. She knocked. 

And waited. Nothing. 

‘Nerys?’ she said softly and knocked again. 

There came no response. Keiko held her breath and listened. She could hear no movement from inside. She knocked a third time, harder now. The quarters remained quiet.

She stepped away. Hovering by the door would not make Nerys turn up faster. She sat down on the sofa, then changed her mind and lay down instead. In the stillness, the awareness of her body became more acute. Her hair had folded behind her, and the ends was tickling her cheek. There was still a dull ache in her side, but at least the cramping was getting better. Even without the pain, her body had been changed in ways she could not quite articulate. It was like it had all shifted, inperceptibly to others but acutely to her. She would grow used to it, given time. Like Miles had learned to compensate for his bad shoulder, she would find a way to relate to this new difference. 

But not every difference. She felt stuck in this moment, and yet she imagined how she would look back at it, years in the future. Would it be the day her marriage ended, or when something fleeting and precious slipped away from her, or when something new entered her life? She sighed with frustration at herself. 

Perhaps Nerys was not in her room after all. She might have left while Keiko and Miles were still asleep. Then where would she be? The shrine, maybe, or Ops. She could have gone back to her own quarters. Or perhaps (oh, the thought hurt), she had left the station altogether. She imagined it now – Nerys resigning from her post and giving up her commission. If that happened, would Keiko ever see her again? She might not even come to hand over the child herself. It might be Julian or Odo or Dax who would have to bring him back to the station. 

Then there was the other, terrible possibility. Perhaps she was in her room, but the reason why she was not answering was that she could not. She might be in there, on the bed or on the floor, dying or dead. Keiko’s mind rebelled at the idea. If something had happened, would she not feel it? It was an absurd thought with no scientific basis, but she still imagined that if something happened to the baby, she should know it, as if there was some imaginary umbilical cord connecting them.

Keiko sat up. It was no good dwelling on things like that. She had to snap out of it – perhaps go wash her face and think of something to do. 

That was when she heard it - the door sliding open. She stood and turned. Nerys froze in the doorway. 

They stared at each other, waiting for the other to speak. 

‘I was just…’ Nerys said, pointing vaguely in the direction of the bathroom. Keiko shook herself. 

‘Don’t let me keep you.’ 

Nerys ducked her head and hurried off. When she was out of sight, Keiko let out a long breath, half relieved, half shaken. She felt foolish now, having thought all those things. Deciding this was not the time for it, she concentrated instead on practicalities. With newfound purpose, she went to the replicator. 

‘One raktajino, one java coffee with cream.’ She considered ordering something else, but decided against it. 

She was pouring two glasses of water when Neyrs emerged again. Keiko was not used to seeing her out of uniform, but the loose trousers and green tunic with ornate ribbons around the collar suited her. She had expected Nerys to head directly for her room so she would have to stop her, but she stopped at the table. A good sign. 

‘I thought you might need this,’ Keiko said, gesturing at the raktajino and offering her the glass. Nerys’ guarded face softened a little. 

‘Thank you.’ She took the water and sipped it. Then she picked up the coffee and inhaled the scent. 

‘Do you want something to eat?’ Keiko asked. ‘You missed breakfast.’ 

Nerys shook her head. 

‘I had some hasperat before you were awake. But thank you.’ She looked down at the coffee mug, reluctant to meet her gaze. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been hiding.’

Keiko had to think for a moment to find the right response. 

‘You’re forgiven,’ she said, then added: ‘You know, for a soldier, you’re not very good at confrontation.’ 

Nerys chuckled. 

‘You’re right about that.’ She looked her in the eye now. ‘You wanted to talk?’ 

Keiko had not expected it to go like this. She had been sure it would be an uphill struggle to get her to have this conversation, and now when it was not, she was not entirely sure what to do. 

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Let’s…’ She gestured at the sofa. Nerys shook her head. 

‘No. Not here.’ 

‘Miles is on duty and Molly is with the Fredriksons. No one else is home.’ 

She still shook her head. 

‘Let’s talk in my room.’ 

Keiko took a deep breath. If that was what it took. 

‘Alright.’ 

They left the living room, Nerys first and Keiko following. Well inside the room, Keiko looked around. There was only one chair and the bed to sit on. When Nerys did not make a move for either, Keiko put her coffee on the desk and sat down on the chair. Nerys sat dow on the foot of the bed, facing her. 

‘So.’ 

‘So,’ Keiko echoed. Where did you start this conversation? Every approach had its own pitfalls. However she wnet about it, it is was going to be idfficutl, but she had to make sure Keiko did not cut it short for that reason. 

Finally, she made her decision. 

‘I haven’t said anything to Miles. I felt we should figure this out first.’ 

Nerys looked uncertain. 

‘I don’t know where to start,’ she admitted. 

‘I think I do,’ Keiko said. ‘I have feelings for you.’ 

Nerys exhaled, long and slow. Keiko continued: 

‘I have always been attracted to you, on some level. Spending time together on Torad V changed things for me.’

‘And… the way back?’ 

‘Yes, that too,’ Keiko said. ‘But it’s not about the baby. Perhaps nothing else would have happened if it hadn’t been for that, but only because we’d not have spent time together.’ It was a difficult hypothetical to consider. She wished the accident had not happened, that she still carried her child and she did not have scars all over her torso, but Nerys’ presence was missing in that reality. For all its positives, it was not necessarily the better world. 

Keiko waited for Nerys to speak. She sat, legs wide, elbows on knees, hands clasped. It was an imposing pose, but for the way her head was bowed. She sat like that for a long time. 

‘Nerys?’ 

When she looked up, her eyes were sad.

‘It’s so easy for you people.’ She sounded more confused than angry. ‘You can just admit something like that.’ 

‘This is not easy,’ Keiko said. ‘But we need to have this conversation. Otherwise, it will just get harder.’ 

Nerys pulled her hand through her hair – a gesture of frustration with herself, perhaps. 

‘I…’ She cut herself off. Even that one word had been enough to betray the tremble of her voice. ‘I don’t think you understand.’ 

Keiko frowned. 

‘Understand what?’ 

‘Bajor is not like the Federation. Wanting to do something is not enough. We have to consider our family and our people and our duty.’

_That sounds like what Shakaar told her the other night,_ Keiko reflected.

‘I don’t expect you to _do_ anything,’ she said, ‘other than talk to me. Do you feel something similar?’ 

Nerys sighed with frustration. 

‘Even that…’ 

‘If the answer is no, then that is fine,’ Keiko said. ‘But we need to be honest with one another.’ 

Nerys’ face was tense, the fight inside her reflected on the surface.

‘It’s not.’ 

Keiko blinked. She thought back – could that have negated anything else? But by the look in Nerys’ eyes, she knew what she had meant. The tenseness had changed character. It was no longer guarded, but desperate.

‘It scares me, Keiko,’ she whispered. ‘What I’ll do, what it’ll say about me, what others might say…’ 

Perhaps she had been right. Keiko did not understand. She had been aware of the difference in their cultures before, but never this acutely. 

‘Explain it to me,’ she said. 

Nerys bowed her head. She brougt her knees together and hugged herself. The image of the soldier was gone now. When she spoke, her voice was so quiet Keiko had to lean in to catch every word. 

‘One of my resistance cell’s contacts in Rakantha province ran an inn, close to Sandor shuttle port. She would let us stay in the basement when we needed it, and she got us provisions and medical aid. When she heard something from the Cardassians passing through, she would pass it on to us.’ 

Keiko listened with furrowed brow. This was not what she had expected. She wondered which way this story would go. 

‘One night, we came there and found out she had been arrested. We assumed she had been found out. They were going to come for us. We changed our plans, started cutting our ties to the area. Shakaar sent me and another cell member to get provisions. Her name was Vella. I was fifteen, she was in her late thirties, so we could pass for mother and daughter when we needed to. It was safer that way. We got the food, but on our way back to the others, we noticed some soldiers following us. Vella took my hand and we kept walking. I didn’t know what they wanted from us.’ She paused and swallowed. The brief silence scared Keiko – she hated the thought of what it might be covering up. ‘They called out Vella’s name – her full name. I can’t remember it now. She tried to run, but they hit her with a stun-bolt. I was so frightened I didn’t dare to run. I thought they’d shoot me too, but if I didn’t…’ Her eyes had glassed over and her voice as becoming fast and hushed. In her mind, she was back in that moment. ‘The commander of the men came up to me. Close enough that I felt his breath. It was disgusting. Smelled of stale fish juice.’ Nerys grimaced as she spoke. ‘I thought he was going to do something to me. But then he said “keep away from women like that, or someone will have to straighten you out.” Then he told the guards to take Vella, and they left. They didn’t even shove me.’ 

She closed her eyes tightly. Keiko’s throat ached. 

‘Did you find out what happened to Vella?’ she asked. 

‘Not at first. She had been in the resistance for a long time, so it made sense that they’d know about her. I was fairly new – I’d barely been involved for two years – so we thought they simply hadn’t recognised me. I didn’t tell anyone about that thing the commander said. I didn’t understand it.’ She paused again to gather herself. ‘We came back to Sandor the next winter. Shakaar pulled in a favour to learn what happened.’ Now, a tear ran down her cheek. ‘She’d been hanged together with the innkeeper. There was nothing about the resistance in their sentences. They had been lovers and the Cardassians hanged them.’

Keiko could not take the space between them anyore. She knelt down in front of her. 

‘Nerys.’ She took hold of Nerys’ arms. ‘Nerys, that’s terrible.’ 

Nerys covered her face. 

‘I’ve tried,’ she sobbed. ‘And others have tired. But it doesn’t work. I’m still crooked.’ 

Keiko tightened her grip. 

‘No. There’s nothing wrong with you, Nerys.’ 

‘Isn’t there?’ she asked, taking her hands off her face. ‘The Cardassians hanged people like me. There are people on Bajor now who would like to hang people like me.’

Keiko took Nerys’ hands in hers. 

‘And that is unacceptable,’ Keiko said decisively. ‘I am so sorry that happened to our friend, and that you had to go through that.’ 

Nerys watched their clasped hands. 

‘It’s so strange,’ she said. ‘Objectively, I know it’s not wrong. When it’s other people, I don’t mind. But… when it’s me…’ She shook her head. ‘Then it’s wrong.’ 

‘It’s not,’ Keiko said. She rose and sat down beside Nerys. ‘You deserve to live the way you want to.’ 

‘I just wish I could _want_ to live the way I live now,’ Nerys said. ‘Other people are content with having what I have. Why is it not enough for me?’

Keiko hesitated. No, this was not a time to let difficult questions go unasked. She would just have to tread gently. 

‘Can I ask you something?’ 

Nerys wiped her eyes and prompted her with a look. 

‘I don’t mean to imply something or push you into anything with this,’ Keiko said. ‘What do you feel when you think of Shakaar?’ 

Nerys sighed. 

‘Right now? Frustration. Guilt. Anger. But usually, it’s not like that. It’s… pleasant.’ 

‘What about when you kiss him?’ 

‘It’s nice,’ she said. ‘I don’t mind it.’ She looked over at Keiko. ‘But it’s nothing like yesterday.’ 

There was that pull again. It was had to resist it. Nerys looked away. 

‘I really am crooked, aren’t I?’ 

Keiko smiled. It felt apt that the word Nerys was using was so close to “queer”, even if the connotations were more negative. 

‘In English, it’s called “gay”,’ she said, ‘when you’re only attracted to those of the same gender. It used to mean “happy”.’ 

Nerys snorted miserably. 

‘That’s ironic. It’s never made _me_ happy.’ But she let it go. Instead, she looked over at Keiko. ‘You’re not…?’ 

‘Happy?’ Keiko supplied. A brief smile passed over Nerys’ face. 

‘Gay.’ 

‘No. I’m bisexual. Attracted to both my own gender and others.’ 

Nerys made a sound somewhere between the intrigued and confused. 

‘It feels like the Prophets are playing a joke on me,’ she admitted. ‘I am with men for years, but when I do get pregnant, it’s with another woman’s child.’ 

Keiko laughed. Even Nerys smiled. Then it faded and she shook herself. 

‘All this is beside the point,’ she said. ‘How I feel, how you feel… I don’t know where I stand with Shakaar, but you… Keiko, you’re _married_.’ 

‘I am,’ Keiko said. ‘I’m going to talk to Miles about this.’ 

‘You’re not Bolian,’ Nerys said. ‘Humans don’t have co-spouses.’ 

‘We can. It’s not quite like the Bolian arrangement, but having multiple partners isn’t too uncommon on Earth. As long as you put down your ground-rules, it usually works fine.’ 

‘Do you have ground-rules?’ Nerys asked. 

‘No,’ Keiko said. ‘That is something I need to talk to him about. I don’t want to keep this a secret from him. That would not be right. But I want both of you in my life.’ 

For a moment, Nerys looked so stumped Keiko worried she might have come on too strong. These were new concepts to her, and perhaps they had sent her into culture shock. 

‘What will he say?’ Nerys asked. 

‘I don’t know, but I won’t get to know by not asking him.’ 

‘And if it ruins your marriage?’ 

That was not a question she had wanted to consider, but Nerys was right. 

‘I suppose I have to ask myself: would it be preferable to take that risk or to continue lying to him? But Nerys, what Miles feels isn’t your problem. That is on me.’ 

Nerys sighed. 

‘I suppose so.’ She bit her lip. ‘Should I talk to Shakaar again? To try to figure out where we stand?’ 

‘You don’t sound like you really want to,’ Keiko said. 

‘Not really,’ Nerys said. ‘Perhaps this whole affair was a mistake. We should have just stayed friends.’ 

Keiko could not disagree. She placed her hand over Nerys’.

‘You might be able to go back to that, given time,’ she said. 

Nerys interlaced their fingers. 

‘I hope so.’ 

They sat without talking, shoulder to shoulder, palm to palm. It was a contentment Keiko had not felt for a long time. 

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked after a while. Nerys looked at her, still staying close. 

‘Better. I don’t want to go hide anymore.’ 

They smiled at each other. Their faces were closer now. Nerys’ fringe tickled Keiko’s forehead. Her lips hovers by hers. They brushed together, first so lightly that it was almost not perceptible. Briefly, Keiko thought about Miles. This would be betraying his trust. So why did she not pull away? She stayed exactly as before. Nerys gathered her courage and leaned forwards. 

The kiss started out tentatively, lips slightly parted and gently pressed. Quickly, it grew in confidnece. Nerys leaned closer, pressing their bodies together. Keiko gasped and put a hand behind her for balance. The only difference it made was that it turned what would have been a fall into a controlled movement downwards. Little by little, Nerys moved closer, and little by little, Keiko bent her arm so they sank further down. At last she was on her back. Nerys shifted onto her hip and planted her elbows on either side of Keiko’s head. They looked at each other. Nerys stroked her hair. In turn, Keiko buried her fingers in Nerys’ hair and brought their lips together. The kisses were becoming deeper now and more sloppy. Nerys sank lower down. Keiko felt her breasts press against hers. The tips of their tongues met and parted. Now, Keiko noticed the differences that last night had been fleeting. Nerys’ tongue felt different from a human’s. The muscle was as soft, but the surface was rougher. It sent a thrill down her spine when Nerys’ tongue met theirs. She grabbed her and pulled her closer. Not until then did Keiko realise her mistake. 

‘Ouch!’ 

Nerys yelped too. Keiko as the first to laugh. Her hair had become entangled in the chain of Nerys’ earring. 

‘Stay still, I think I can…’ 

‘Wait a minute…’ 

Nerys took the jewellery off her ear and gave Keiko a hand up. She disentangled the chain from her hair fairly easily. When she handed it back to Nerys, she had expected her to put it back on. Instead, she got up and put it on the altar. Keiko’s stomach did a somersault. She could guess what that meant. 

‘Nerys, are you ready to do this?’ she asked. 

Nerys smiled and sat down beside her. 

‘I want to,’ she said. It did not quite answer the question, but Keiko understood. The question of being ready or not was a hard one. Sometimes just striding forward was liberating. Keiko kissed her. It was Nerys who withdrew this time. 

‘What about the baby?’ 

‘Have you been told you can’t have sex?’ Keiko asked. Nerys shook her head. ‘Then it should be fine. We can go easy.’ 

‘And you?’ Nerys asked. ‘With your injuries…’ 

‘I’m still bleeding, but not much. Anything non-penetrative is fine.’ She worried for a moment that that would be one too many things, but Nerys seemed unfazed. ‘I do have scars…’ 

Nerys smiled. 

‘You’ve seen _my_ scars.’ 

Keiko smiled back. She unbuttoned her shirt while Nerys pulled her tunic over her head. They let them fall to the floor. Now when they kissed, their skin touched. When they parted, Nerys ran her fingers over the tattoo on Keiko’s arm. The lower branches of the _genista centauria_ were bare, but the ones directly above was budding. The higher up the branches were, the further they had developed. The leaves unfolded, the purple flowers opened, the petals fell, and, at the top, the berries hung heavy. Then she sat back on her heels and looked at the scar on her stomach. 

‘What flowers were you thinking of tattooing on it?’ she asked. 

‘_Koba_ flowers, prairie gentian, Eridanian lilies, Edosian orchids, maybe a sunflower.’ 

‘What do they look like?’ Nerys touched the scar gently, just by her navel. It felt tender, but the touch was gentle. 

‘That’s a _koba_ flower,’ she said, pointing at one of the flowers in the urn by the bed. ‘I’ll show you pictures of the others later.’ 

They kissed again. They moved properly onto the bed now. Keiko encircled Nerys with her arms and undid her bra. Her breasts spilled out as the bra fell. Keiko cupped them in her hands. They were heavy, and the skin so soft. The dark nipples made her skin look even paler. She let her thumbs brush against them. Nerys’ already shallow breath caught. She reached out. 

‘It undoes in the front.’ Keiko’s voice sounded thick to her own ears. She felt herself already tensing in response to the arousal. Nerys found the clasp on the bra inbetween Keiko’s breasts. She undid it and brushed aside the cups. Keiko was intensely grateful she had pumped so recently. Nerys’ roaming hands were making her tremble. 

They lay down, Keiko on her back, Nerys on all fours above her. Their chests pressed together. The kisses did not quite meet their mark anymore. They fell on lips, cheeks, shoulders. Keiko ran her hands over Nerys’ back, down to the waist of her trousers and slightly further. Then, changing her mind, she started struggling out of her own trousers. Noticing what she was doing, Nerys sat back and gave her space. She watched with wide eyes as she threw aside the last of her clothes. Keiko sat to face her, legs crossed and knees touching hers. 

Nerys reached out and touched the horizontal scar between her iliac arches. 

‘That’s where…’ 

‘Yes.’ 

Nerys took her hand away and undid the drawstring in her own trousers. When she pushed them down a little, Keiko saw the scar on the underside of her belly. Mirroring what Nerys had just done, Keiko touched it. Then, she leaned down. Nerys leaned back on her hands, watching her. Keiko pressed her lips against it. Matching scars – a shared experience. She looked up at Nerys. She looked back, wide-eyed, lips slightly parted. Keiko sat up again. She had intended to ask her if something was wrong, but what she had taken to be shock was clearly awe. Nerys’ hand rested on Keiko’s knee, then moved it to her hip. Finally, she brushed her fingers against her pubic mound. 

‘You look so different from me,’ Nerys said. She looked up at her. ‘I’ve never seen a human naked before.’ 

‘I’ve never seen a Bajoran naked,’ Keiko admitted. Nerys smiled. Her hands went to her waistline again. She scrambled to change positions, getting her legs from under her and lying down to pull the trousers off. Keiko grinned and grabbed the trousers as Nerys pushed them down. They joined Keiko’s trouses on the floor. 

‘Come here.’ Keiko edged closer and took hold of Nerys’ knees. Nerys moved closer, still lying down. They only stopped when Keiko’s heels bumped against Nerys’ buttocks. 

Nerys had been right - they did look different. Keiko saw now why she had lingered on her pubic mound like that. A ridge, flushed and plump, ran from just below where her pubic hair started and out of sight. On it were more delicate, horizontal ridges, reminiscent of the ones on a Bajoran’s nose, but only the topmost few were covered in skin. As they continued further down, the skin gave way to mucuous membranes instead. She could only see one set of labia, enclosing the lower part of the ridge. As if sensing her curiosity, Nerys angled her hips up. Now she saw that the ridge continued halfway down her vulva, where it ended, tapering downwards in a triangular point. Keiko guessed it was usually not very large, but now, the point dipped down almost two centimetres. When Keiko’s fingers grazed against point, Nerys tensed up and drew a shaking breath. From the point ran another set of folds. They had spread of their own accord now, revealing the introitus they usually protected. Keiko smiled. It was both so familiar and so strange. 

Nerys pushed herself up. She tried to turn her arm to touch her, but Keiko recognised that it would not be comfortable. 

‘Wait a second.’ She moved so she sat beside her instead. Nerys reached over and touched her. Had Keiko not seen her genitals, it might have confused her that Nerys first placed her fingers so far back. Keiko guided them forward onto either side of her clit. She sank against her, absorbed in the sensation. The pleasure made her tense under Nerys’ fingers. At one point, she put her hand over hers, changing the pressure. Usually that was what did it for her, but not today. She was starting to feel sore instead. Perhaps it was too soon after all. Her hand over Nerys’ stopped pressing, holding it instead. 

‘Did I do something wrong?’ Nerys asked. Keiko shook her head. 

‘No, not at all. I just need a breather,’ she said. Nerys removed her hand. 

‘Are you alright?’ 

‘Yes. Just a bit sore.’ She smiled. ‘A bit like I’d been hit by an asteroid.’ 

Nerys smiled back, but Keiko did not miss the slightly disheartened look in her eye. Keiko moved closer. She ran her hand down her back, lingering on the tattoo of the _veraqa_ on her shoulder. She nuzzled close, kissing the point just behind her ear. She ghosted her fingers over the ridge on her mons. Nerys gasped. 

‘Let me do something for you,’ Keiko whispered. Nerys did not answer, but the disheartened look was all gone. She took her wrist and move her hand firmly between her legs. 

As Keiko pressed her hand against her, Nerys ground against her palm. The ridge was dry, but the opening beyond it was slick under her fingers. She dabbed it onto the ridge and continued rubbing it. Nerys’ chest heaved with her breaths. Soon, however, it started drying up. Keiko moved her fingers down to the vagina and spread its wetness to the ridge. As she started again, she felt a twinge in her wrist. 

‘I need another angle,’ she said. They lay down, side by side. Keiko rolled onto her good side and put her hand back. Nerys’ breathing was still fast, and she pushed up against Keiko’s hand. Even in this position, Keiko was not sure her wrist would be much good by the end of the plateau. She thought of that clitoral shaft, with its swollen ridges but little natural lubrication. She imagined it under her tongue. 

She looked over at Nerys. 

‘I could lick you.’ 

Nerys’ eyes grew. 

‘Yes,’ she whispered. 

They shifted again, finding the best position. Keiko’s instinct was to lie on her stomach, but that was out of the question now. Instead, she stayed on her side, putting one arm around Nerys’ thigh and the other at her side. Nerys had pushed herself up against the bedstead. She looked majestic, like some mother warrior goddess. Her eyes were fixed on Keiko, silently begging her to start. She lowered herself down. 

She ran her tongue down the ridge, from mons to tip. Nerys inhaled like she had just surfaced from water. Her back arched. The taste was different from a human’s – muskier, perhaps, but in a pleasant way. Keiko pressed her mouth onto her at different points, trying to find the best spot. It became more sensitive the further down she came. When she flattened her tongue against where the ridge broadened and formed a point, Nerys whimpered. Keiko wondered what response it would get if she sucked at it, or ran her tongue over the tip of the ridge before dipping it into her vagina. But right now was not the time for experimentation. She could feel the way that Nerys was tensing, pushing up against her. Keiko pressed her tongue to her harder and dragged it across the tip, again and again. Nerys threw her head back, mouth wordlessly open. Her hand fumbled for Keiko’s, pressing it so hard the grip felt cramp-like. For a moment that seemed far longer than it could have been, she was taut under Keiko’s mouth. 

Then the tension went out of her body. Every muscle relaxed, every joint unflexed. She gasped, but not in distress. When Keiko moved to lie next to her, she saw that she was smiling. 

‘I… I didn’t think…’ 

The words got lost between the heavy breathing. Keiko moved closer, putting her arm around her. 

‘Are you okay?’ 

Nerys nodded and put her hand on the curve of her stomach. 

‘He was so still a minute ago,’ she whispered. ‘He’s moving like mad now.’ 

Keiko put her hand just under Nerys’. She could feel the squirming inside her belly. 

‘He felt you tensing,’ she said. ‘It gave him something to repond to.’ 

Nerys chuckled. She pushed the fringe out of her forehead and looked at Keiko.

‘So… what now?’ 

Keiko considered it. The fleeting thought from before came back. Whatever her intentions, she had not talked to Miles yet. They had made no agreements that made this anything other than adultery. That thought concerned her, but another part of her did not know how anything else could have happened. There was something primal between them – a need to acknowledge the bond that had already been created between them. She touched Nerys’ cheek. 

‘I’m not sure,’ she admitted. She sank against her shoulder, her hand on her belly. Nerys put her arm around her. 

‘Don’t leave,’ Nerys whispered. 

Keiko opened her eyes to look at her. She was tied to Nerys, the mother of her child, as close as she was tied to its father. At some point, they would have to move from this bed. They would rejoin the wider world. They would have to threaten to ruin this tranquility by speaking the truth. But right now, they lay there, neither moving, for once free from their fears and worries.


End file.
